Merry Giftmas, and I wish you each and all a lovely holiday, however you choose to spend it.
Holidays can be merry and delightful, warm and connected, and they can also be fraught with conversational pitfalls, stress, and intense emotions. We’re each having our own experience, and a lot of those dear to us will join the festivities with all their baggage along as well. Let it go. Seriously – when you can, let small things stay small. Don’t start shit. Apologize freely, graciously, and without regard to whether something is “your fault”. Be gracious and welcoming, kind and helpful. Stay present and also aware that you are in the company of people dear to you (and if that’s not true, maybe go wherever it is true, instead, without drama or tears).
People are putting a lot into the season, it can wear folks down. Lift each other up. Laugh together. Refrain from criticizing decor, gift choices, careers, appearances… we’re all human beings, being human. It’s already a complicated journey without people being dicks about small details. Give yourself a break from negativity and pessimism and unachievable standards.
… Have a merry holiday by being merry. No kidding, it may be that easy. Practice.
Let it go, let it go, let it go. Tis the season. Choose your words with care. Act with love. Just about the best gift we can give our loved ones is a pleasant holiday. Seriously.
I sit with my thoughts at the edge of this trail. It’s daybreak on Giftmas Eve. I am alone here, on this quiet somewhat drizzly mild morning. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I think about Giftmases past, and this one here, now. This one is a small family holiday, just three of us (me, my Traveling Partner, and the Anxious Adventurer, his son). Most of my adult Giftmas holidays have been small, often just my partner and myself. In each relationship, a small number of holidays were bigger, including more family or an assortment of family and friends. I sometimes wonder at that. Childhood Giftmas holidays were larger, almost always including visiting relatives from afar, grandparents dropping by with second and third rounds of gift unwrapping, and generally a series of fatiguing holiday parties. I don’t mind the small ones, myself. I enjoy the bigger ones too, though I don’t seek them out. I’ve even enjoyed a few Giftmas holidays alone.
Are you alone this Giftmas? If you are and you are feeling content and merry, I wish you the season’s greetings and much joy! If you are struggling with the solitude, I have this suggestion; venture out. Reach out to people with well wishes and holiday greetings. Have joyful conversations with strangers. Create the moment you seek!
Maybe you’re alone this year, and not looking for company but not ideally clear on the joy a solitary holiday can offer? I have this suggestion; treat yourself well. Have the tasty treats you most enjoy, yourself, without compromise or excuses. Listen to music you love. Watch movies you want to watch. Do things you personally enjoy. Definitely get yourself something for Giftmas – and yeah, make a beautiful moment of it, gift wrap and all. Why not? You deserve to be treated as well by the person in the mirror as you would treat your fondest friend and dearest family member! My solitary holidays have been uniquely beautiful and soul-nurturing moments in my life and I have enjoyed them greatly. I hope you enjoy yours.
… And if stressful shit blows up like a storm on the horizon? Let it blow over. Don’t take shit personally. Don’t become so invested in “being right” that you fall to be the person you most want to be. Let small shit stay small (and understand that it’s almost all small shit). When a loved one is managing to step on your last nerve, remind yourself all the many things about them that make them dear to you. Put your affection ahead of your aggravation. I know, it’s not always “easy” to do some of these things – but it’s usually possible. There are verbs involved, and choices. Choose wisely. What truly matters most?
Holiday merriment pro tip: do not kill anyone (or commit any acts of violence) this holiday season! Nothing that is likely to come up in the average holiday conversation is going to justify violence. It rarely even justifies raised voices.
Merry Giftmas from this trail, and this moment. I wish you seasons greetings, and I hope you enjoy (and create) a pleasant holiday. If things start to slide sideways in some moment, I hope you maintain your perspective and regain the peace in your home. I hope you begin again, and let go of bullshit and resolve conflicts easily.
… And I hope Santa swings by and that you get a little something to remember this holiday fondly.
Evening Light 