Archives for posts with tag: mindfulness

Yesterday was a difficult day. Summarized in that brief fashion, it seems so much less noteworthy than it felt at the time. This morning, I wake with some effort, and struggle to get past feeling groggy and vaguely “hungover” – the “hangover” that is the after effect of profound or frequent shifts in emotional chemistry, but, nonetheless, very much consistent with a hangover from other intoxicants (this headache, my acid stomach, and feeling vaguely dizzy, for instance). I sip my coffee seeking salvation and relief in a porcelain mug (it could be so much worse).

…All this over work

What’s funny is how hard it was to “let it go” at the end of the day. I fussed and fretted throughout the commute. I struggled to distract myself (even with meditation). When I went to bed, feeling wholly relaxed at long last, and definitely sleepy, I did not fall asleep for hours, even though I was steadfastly “letting all that go” with real commitment. lol

…And now this fucking headache. lol

I take another sip of my still-too-hot coffee, and look at the day ahead with new eyes. Yesterday (a Wednesday) held within it the power to more or less derail my workload for the whole of the week, but today I have the power (and potentially also the bandwidth) to catch all that up and finish the week in the most ordinary way. That’s the “win” I have my eye on this morning… Feeling reluctant to build that up until my expectations can’t possibly also occur in real life, I take a deep breath, exhale, have another sip of coffee, and let all that go. 🙂

I pull myself present, back to this moment, here. I answer a message from my Traveling Partner. More work stuff. Different work stuff. Another sip of coffee. Still fighting this headache. I notice the time… oh, yeah; time to begin again. lol

Sipping my coffee this morning, thinking about time. No particular reason, and thinking about it doesn’t have any notable effect on time, itself. Random bits of consciousness are sort of just… milling around bumping into each other this morning. I take a breathe. The AC comes on. My thoughts move along to other things.

Life’s mundanities sort of take over my awareness for a little while, as I sit with my coffee in the stillness of morning. A hair appointment (time to get the color refreshed)… A business trip (I get to do these now??? wow!)… A painting I notice I haven’t signed (not my first)… The work day ahead of me (it can wait)… The weekend that follows (just in time!)… Bills that need paying (seriously routine stuff)…  I think “nothing to see here” and sort of nudge myself along a different path. 🙂

I take a few minutes for myself, still, quiet, reflective.

Life feels good right now. I savor this moment, present, and aware. This, too, shall pass; that’s just real. I take time to properly enjoy it, content with it just as it is. 🙂 It’s enough.

…All that, and a good cup of coffee. It’s time to begin again. 😉

Well… It definitely feels like summer, now. LOL In fact, it’s too hot, and it’ll be very nice to have the A/C back. 🙂

…Last night was lovely, anyway.

Here it is another morning. I managed to sleep, mostly thanks to the first rate job of keeping the house cool that my Traveling Partner managed, first cooling it off, then closing it up before the day began to heat up. I say a silent “thank you” – because it could have been much hotter in here, this morning. 🙂

I spend some minutes on my meditation cushion…”thinking cool thoughts“, aware things could be much worse than a couple summer days with no A/C, and appreciating how fortunate I am.

I sip my coffee and think about a friend whose life seemed to veer abruptly “off course” just as things were really turning around for him. I feel fairly helpless, a bystander on his journey, a fellow traveler who has walked a fair few hard miles; I would help, if I truly could. The choices, and the verbs, are his. I want more and better for him, and too see him choose wisely. I sit with my thoughts, remembering darker times, and the support and encouragement that were actually all around me, but that I could not see, and did not know how to accept. I wish my friend well, over coffee, and hope that he really understands I am here if he needs to talk, or even to just sit quietly in the sunshine. It can be a complicated journey to make alone, no map… I hope he remembers to begin, and then begin again, often. I hope he forgives himself.

I realize I’ve left a video of snow falling playing in the background. I grin at myself; I think I feel cooler. LOL

…Definitely time to begin again. 🙂

 

Busy and stressed out? Frustrated and overwhelmed? Strafed by chaos, and drama? Buried in details and back-logged to do lists? Yeah, I get there, too. 🙂 Not very often anymore. Not this morning.

I’ve done a lot of “letting go” of things (and relationships) that don’t work, that cause me pain, that seem to be built on endless struggle and frustration, without any “return on investment” – my investment being, in this case, my time, and presence. It’s not easy to let go. Sometimes I have yearned to hold on, pointlessly, to my own disadvantage and sorrow. It took practice. It still does. 🙂

Take a breath and float. Happiness is really really difficult, if I focus on that. Building contentment has proven to be a lasting path to that elusive goal, and honestly – it’s way easier. 🙂 I’m happy more often. I struggle less.

…It still takes practice. So worth it.

Last night I got the sleep I needed so badly. This morning? It’s enough. 🙂

What about you? What is “enough” – are you already “there”? Do you spend time allowing yourself to specifically, explicitly, frankly, savor and enjoy it? Another worthy endeavor. 😀

I smile and sip my coffee. Nice morning. Nothing fancy, just a pleasant one. I make room in the morning to really enjoy those pleasant qualities without looking ahead to the work day, or borrowing from past pain to shape my experience. I enjoy some music. I enjoy my coffee. I breathe, exhale, relax – and get ready to begin again. 🙂

 

Are you having a rough time of things, right now? Is life feeling more complicated than you’d like? Do you feel attacked on all sides? Trapped? Frustrated? Hung up on some detail that is not even a thing that has actually happened yet? Hung up on some detail already in the past? I’ve been there. I’m not there right now. I may, however, be there sometime again in the future, and I have thoughts on dealing with that. 🙂

Be present in this moment. Breathe. 

Yep. Take some deep breathes. Let go of the past; it’s behind you already, and you can move on from it. Let go of the future; it hasn’t happened yet, and it’s not predetermined. Consider new choices, and take the actions that allow you to continue to grow in the direction of becoming the person you most want to be. Who is that?

Read a book. Chill for awhile and let your mind be empty. Watch the clouds, the rustling leaves, the pigeons in a park, the rain falling on the other side of a window. Breathe, exhale, relax. Let go of clinging and attachment. Let go of assumptions and expectations. Be. Be present. Be aware. Be your own friend. Take steps. Take a step back, for perspective. Take a step forward, for growth. Live your journey with your eyes wide open. 🙂

Maybe a walk in the sunshine, considering the many options?

Sometimes the way ahead is difficult. Sometimes the difficulties are ones we’ve created for ourselves. Why that is, is probably less important than what we do about it. It’s your path to walk – you get to choose the route. 🙂

I sit here sipping my morning coffee; my Traveling Partner noted that it seems that the burr grinder needs to be given some care and maintenance. My coffee agrees with him. The next step would seem to be to do something about that. Sometimes the challenges are fairly simple. Sometimes the complications in life come from within us. I smile and listen to the traffic on the roadway.

My shoulder aches. A lurching bus in rush hour traffic yesterday evening provided notable additional pain, and set back my recovery time a bit. I remind myself to spend more time with that arm in a sling – and less time trying to use it. Still… it’s a new day. I have choices ahead of me that will determine what I make of it, and where my path will lead.

Time to take that next step, and begin again. 🙂