Here it is, already Tuesday. I feel vaguely annoyed with myself that life got my attention with such a firm grip that I simply haven’t taken time to write about it, too busy living it. I’ve been immersed in experiences of a variety of sorts, some definitely share-worthy, some definitely too personal to make that attempt. So…pictures and words, and a handful of observations…some without the context that would render them fully meaningful, but perhaps the words themselves have value.
I rode on the train with a young woman on Friday. She was headed somewhere unfamiliar and asked about the stop. She was strikingly beautiful – always difficult for a woman her age (not older than 14). Unexpectedly, she complimented my eyes, although rather shyly. I stayed open to the possibility of connecting with this interesting young stranger, and we conversed as we traveled. She shared her challenges with ‘the mean girls’, from whom she had heard how ugly she is. I assured her that my experience was that ‘the mean girls’ are no more secure in themselves that she herself feels, and that the greater likelihood for many of them is that they will blossom at a young age, treat themselves poorly, settle for less than their dreams out of fear and insecurity, and slowly fade away into mediocrity. lol. She seemed reassured that she wasn’t alone, rather than pleased that any ill might befall even these who treat her so ill. A very pleasant young woman, and I’m glad I met her. I hope she does well in life.
I ‘had a moment’ the other day, and really needed to connect with some very special women in my life. I took time to email them, reaching out as though we could just sit down for coffee – I miss that closeness with old friends; so many are so far away. The first email I got back was rich and warm and long… and felt like we were ‘just hanging out’ talking. Wow. How is it that a few words between friends can have that power? I have so much to learn. I have hurt so many people who are dear to me. 50 seems a good age to be a better person than I have been.
A favorite rose is already blooming…still? Have I already shared? I have, I see. Not that I think there is a real limit on the number of times a rose is lovely. 🙂
The sunny days in the garden over the weekend didn’t do enough to distract me from things on my mind. I’m having a hard time ‘finding my way’ on a couple of things very dear to me…and one of them will require skillful confrontation to address, resolve, improve, or act on… so… rather than that big big bummer to deal with, I took lovely pictures of the sunny garden.
Some of the pictures are quite mundane – I’m an artist, but I don’t consider myself so with a camera. lol
…it isn’t as if there’s some huge crisis happening around me (aside from the usual this-n-that we all struggle with)…still…lovely flowers, sunny days, wholesome young women, friendly strangers…any distraction is enough some days.
I have things on my mind that are important to me. Hard to communicate the urgency or magnitude sometimes…at least to people who ‘matter’ to me. Why is that? I so want the easiest communication to be with those I love, those who are significant, those who ‘have a place’ in my life…it so isn’t. I meditate…and sometimes find myself holding my breath, struggling to ‘figure it out’ instead of just taking a moment to be. I’m already learning – and it seems solid and true like the surface of a rock or a table or the embrace of a trusted friend – it is being that makes the difference for me. I can think anything. When I take time to still my mind, breathe, just ‘take it all in’ and ‘let it all go’ – I find myself.