Even in the digital age, we are each having our own experience.
I know I’m having my own experience, because so much of it is entirely unshared, and in some cases perhaps even un-shareable. By the end of 2012 I was well on my way to a full collapse of my understanding of myself, emotionally, intellectually, philosophically, even historically. Choices that once seemed obvious, had become questionable beyond the point of my own ability to consider the questions with clarity, my anxiety had become unmanageable, an event in the news hit my consciousness and destroyed a big piece of my everyday understanding of my sexuality, my hormones march ever onward toward menopause, and new information about my own experience came to light, leaving me confused and introspective as I entered the new year. What a new year it has been, so far… If the value of time and events is measured in their intensity, impact, and significance, then 2013 may well prove to be one of the most important years of my life…my life. My experience. I rather doubt that most people around me have any real awareness of my internal turmoil, even my partners. They are also having their own experiences.
I find it complicated when I work on my priorities, my goals, or try to identify my needs and wants in a clear and simple way because, although I am having my own experience, I am at least somewhat aware that my experience has elements shared with others. Our perspectives may differ, probably do differ, but those common elements become the foundation stones of shared understanding, conversation, emotional bonding, and a feeling of being connected. I like feeling connected, but it doesn’t always come easily to me. Lately, I often have difficulties feeling connected, even in very close relationships. The easy course of action is to attribute the difficulty to the challenge of the moment, whatever that may be, but when I’m honest with myself it is bigger than that, and needs my attention.
49 seems like an appropriate age for an identity crisis, I guess… but how does one connect with someone who isn’t sure who they are? I find myself wondering – acknowledging? – that it must be very hard on people who love me, and I manage a moment of sympathy and concern, before my mental nail-biting returns to figuring out the puzzle that is me. I struggle with figuring out what needs to be shared, what would be ‘over sharing’. My friends, partners, or lovers are not my therapist, or parents, or authority figures, and respecting their boundaries, and our relationships, really requires that I not handle my issues in a way that nudges them into one of those roles… but I am also aware that the mental health industry might actually collapse if people really share their experience more openly with people who matter to them, there would be that much less demand for those services. Connectivity and emotional support actually matter that much to day in and day out quality of life. (If it seems I’m being over-obvious, I’ll take a moment to admit that I didn’t understand that until relatively recently in my life.) I want to cultivate a strong connection with people I care about; I don’t always know how. It’ll sound strange to say, perhaps I’m phrasing it badly, but I’m not sure I know how to ‘make a strong connection with myself’ right now – that can’t make it easier to connect with others.
So…I am having my own experience, and you are having yours. Maybe trying to share mine isn’t the best route to take to feel connected right now… I think today I will explore trying to let go of how badly I need to be heard, and just listen. I may learn something about feeling connected.
Evening Light 
listening and sharing both are key to developing connections. and they can be done concurrently…
your blog is yours, however, and you can share as much as you like on it because there is no specific target, but rather just getting the words “out there” (meaning out of being trapped inside your head forever).
Indeed, ‘getting the words out there’ was my original motivation for considering starting a blog. 😀
Thank you, Jo. That’s definitely something to reflect on. 🙂
At least part of how we see ourselves is in how we are reflected by others — how we believe others perceive us — which makes it worthwhile to pursue connections with others even (perhaps especially) when we feel disconnected from ourselves.
When my sister was alive, she protested that we should be honored as human beings, not only as “human doings”. And that’s true, to an extent. But in contrast, we only ever know each other by what we DO, whether it be speech or act. That becomes intensely frustrating when we act out of accord with our desire to be our best selves, but it also means connections are as possible as they are necessary, because everything we say and do is the filtered product of our inner being that reveals our heart even as it conceals it.
I feel connected to others through touch (non-sexual, given my orientation). I have a deep conviction that those dear to me want me to be happy, but I have a difficult time expressing just how touch-deprived I feel without describing myself as needy.