Today is better. Today is good, actually. What makes the difference? Hell, I guess if I knew that I’d write a self-help book and rule the world! (Instead I blog) Things calmed down yesterday… that is to say, I calmed down yesterday. Coasted through the remainder of the evening quietly with my family.  It was nice. Some odd vibes here and there; I’m extremely sensitive to, and aware of, other people’s emotional state, but inconveniently enough that often doesn’t include a real understanding of what that state may be, or an understanding of its relevance to me.  Still, an enjoyable evening overall, and I took steps to take care of me, and that seems to have worked out inasmuch as today is good.

This morning I read some interesting articles that seem apropos of life in general – mine at least. One article about the benefits of Love for stress reduction put a smile on my face by confirming my own experience with Love, which is that I’m less stressed overall, less anxious less frequently, more positive, and generally good-natured and fun to be with when Love is good.  I smiled a bit sheepishly reading an article about whether ‘positive people’ are annoying… and was delighted to find it is also a good article with some tips on breaking negative thinking cycles. I sometimes get ‘stuck’ in some negative thinking, myself, and I know how hard I find it to recognize and accept help breaking the cycle. It’s as if, for me, the chemical experience of a specific intense emotion has a ‘half life’ – like being on a drug – and it takes time to finish its course or break down in my blood stream, or… damn it, Science, help me out here! Speaking of Science (weren’t we?) I also read an article today supporting therapeutic use of cannabis for PTSD; the State of Oregon is considering a senate bill (281) to add PTSD to the list of ‘qualifying conditions’ for their medical marijuana program. That’s good news for a lot of people in emotional pain and turmoil, since anything at all that actually works is better than the entire rest of everything that doesn’t actually work much at all.

So…here it is, another day. So far a good one. What will I make of it from here? How will I deliver my best effort to the world, and to my lovers? How do I hang on to what I love most about myself, and build on that, and leave behind what sucks most about me? How do I take other people, and their emotions, needs, and experience, less personally and still honor and respect them? Friday is just two days away… and there is so much to learn about who I am, about living mindfully, about loving well…