This morning I am somewhere between things. I’m between giving thanks and Yule gifting. I’m between the dark of night and the light of day, sitting in the pre-dawn gloom. I’m relaxing in a strange place somewhere between calm and pain, not quite in a great mood, not quite cross from being uncomfortable. The pain is what it is – it, too, is somewhere in between – between ‘as bad as it’s ever been’ and ‘really not so bad’. The morning is quiet, and there is nothing to move me from being between things to any extreme – and I am comfortable with that.
I am up early. Without the inflexible requirement to be up at a point early enough to prepare for a specific work schedule, I find I am waking just a bit later. 6 am isn’t exactly ‘sleeping in’, but it feels more relaxed than feeling my eyelids snap open sometime between 4 am and 4:55 am for an alarm that is set to go off at 5 am. I still set my alarm – for 7 am. It has yet to actually go off. I wake at 6 am. It feels like sleeping in. I am content with feeling like I slept in and waking at 6 am. There is some quiet morning to time to explore my thoughts, to exist in silence, to tread lightly where the angst-y bits might find foothold, to meditate, to chill… to be.
Strange handful of days since I left the workforce. Some snow. Some fog. Some rain. Some twinkling holiday lights – more of that than much of anything else, happily, and the neighborhood is alight with holiday splendor. Time at home with family has been relaxed, gentle, easy… so little turmoil, so little of the everyday push-pull of grown people all ‘working on their shit’ and finding their way in their personal darkness. It’s chill and good and filled with the qualities that define ‘family’ and ‘love’ in the best ways. Happy Holidays, indeed.
Some snow.
Another view of a snowy day outside my window.
Snow, gone. Fog follows.
I haven’t had a ‘Christmas vacation’ for years. I had reached a point, years ago, where ‘the win’ as a professional was to work partial days, or perhaps a handful of work-from-home days, through the holidays rather than take real time off… I short-changed myself there. I didn’t understand ‘what really matters’ (at least to me). So. I am home for the holidays. It’s lovely.
Taking time to savor holiday memories.
I often find myself sifting through scraps of holiday memories of childhood with great delight and wonder. My parents made some major holiday magic over the years, and every year I find myself astonished by the feats of Yule merriment and celebration they managed on such limited resources. I enjoy celebrating the winter holidays, myself, and over the years I have also learned to make some holiday magic. This year, it is wonderful to also really relax, take a few deep breaths, and simply enjoy the days.
Today is a good day to be merry, and a good day to love. Today is a good day to be joyful. Today I will share smiles and words of encouragement. Today I will appreciate what I have. Today I will embrace contentment and sufficiency. Today I will change the world. 😀
Evening Light 