Back to work today; adult choices about quality of life don’t pay for themselves. 🙂

I sip my coffee and consider one ‘wrong note’ in life’s song in a very long while. A moment of utter rudeness that itself stemmed from my impulse control issues, and quickly deteriorated into a difficult to manage experience, in part due to simply feeling ashamed of my own rudeness. It was a common enough thing, but also one I strongly object to in my associations, and endeavor always to avoid – I allowed myself to be distracted from a flesh and blood live human by a text message from elsewhere. Poor form. Disrespectful. Inconsiderate. Yeah, just frankly inexcusably rude.  It’s also incredibly rare for me to do that. I did though, and it’s still on my mind, not because it occurred, nor even how I handled acknowledging my error, or the immediate apology – which seemed immediate to me only because it was what I did first after completing my reply to the text message from work. It was not truly timely. It’s on my mind this morning as a reminder of an entirely other sort.

I find living with other people very challenging. I enjoyed my rare week living with my traveling partner, and spent the move feeling fairly self-congratulatory that it was so easy. We treated each other very well, and mindfully so on this whole other level than typical day to day living is so often spent. He was hurting, I was offering a haven, and a listening heart. It was an extended period of heightened acceptance and intimacy, and although an indication of profound progress… I live best alone, at least for now.

Yesterday, my rudeness in a very ordinary 21st century moment was a very abrupt wake up call, and reminder that I have chosen this day to day comfort and contentment to heal myself. It hurts some to acknowledge that I am not ‘there’ yet, however far I have come. Still, how sweet to make the discovery in a moment of simple rudeness, instead of something much worse?

This morning I sip my coffee profoundly grateful to begin again, so many times, to experience so much and gain such broad perspective, to love and be loved flaws and all, while also enjoying the luxury of minimizing the collateral damage to the heart and spirit of the ones dearest to me, by living alone while I sort myself out and find my way.

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Whatever the writing utensil, the words matter, particularly the verbs.

Today is a good day to be my own cartographer. Today is a good day to live and love well – and mindfully. Today is a good day for acceptance and contentment, and practicing the practices. Incremental change over time continues – and I am still quite human.