Tomorrow things here at home, settling into new spaces and arrangements of things, should begin to normalize; the internet will be connected. (I get by comfortably well with just my handheld device on 4G, but it isn’t as comfortable to write.) Even as I form the thought I am aware it is merely a prediction based on likelihood, planning, and anticipated good fortune; I can’t really see the future with any clarity. In a tightly realistic way, I know only that the necessary appointment has been made and it’s for today. 🙂

I spend some minutes contemplating all the verbs involved in making this section of rented multi family residential construction a ‘home’… And what ‘home’ means to me. When I move, habits break down due to change and disarray; what is functional or expedient as I navigate life from box to box, not yet fully unpacked, is very different than what is ideal, comfortable or beautiful. I look around each room carefully and make a simple list of broken habits and details that matter to me personally; sometimes the verbs are best managed in an organized way, I find. Living alone is a continuous opportunity to treat myself well, to practice exceptional self-care, and to build my life as I most wish to live it. I am inclined to think these things can be done within the context of shared familial living, but I have sucked at that so completely for so much of my life that I properly lost my way, and turned on myself in such a fashion that it became very difficult to determine healthy relationships from damaging ones, to clearly recognize mistreatment, or even to endure living. I am well past all that now, and although I am in a much healthier place with myself, the experience of moving, with all the turmoil and disruption that goes with that experience is enough to remind me how much work has gone into getting me here. It’s a worthy moment for reflection, and a fitting time to observe some details that need my everyday attention.

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My choices change my results.

There are cables and cords willy nilly everywhere; the visual disorder is an irritant. I make a note of this, and list them all for attention – perhaps before the weekend: aquarium, stereo, desk…even lamps will have their moment. I prefer cables and cords to be very tidy generally bundled, or clamped neatly.

Yesterday morning I woke to dishes in the sink. Yeah, mine – obviously – and no, not okay with me. I find dishes left in the sink (or beside it) fairly objectionable, and they only get more gross over time. It’s so common to be too tired, or involved in something more fun in the moment, and in that instant to just put dishes in the sink instead of the waiting dishwasher… But any time I take that short cut I am also showing myself considerable disrespect, and a lack of consideration; every time I see those dishes in the sink I am aware of work not yet completed, on top of the moment of irritation that I stomped all over my own boundaries. I also really loathe waking up to dirty dishes. The experience yesterday was sufficient to put me back on track; this morning I woke to a sparkling clean kitchen.

These are only samples from my own narrative. Your needs, and results, may vary. Honestly, I totally get not putting household tasks at the highest priority; there is so much more to life than being a slave to household upkeep! There are individual compromises I can/do take, and others that don’t feel comfortable for me. A coat hanging ‘conveniently’ on the back of a chair (that happens to be quite near to the closet in which it actually belongs) doesn’t bother me…a single glass or coffee mug sitting in the sink instead of being put into the dishwasher aggravates me, and results in feeling a bit cross. Choices.

I sip my coffee and think about home, feeling ‘at home’, and what is required from me today to live more beautifully than I did yesterday… Until each morning finds me tending to wake in a common state of contentment that is generally sustainable throughout each day. Like so many things, it’s a process, and there are tasks to be completed, and practices to practice.

Today is a good day to take care of this fragile vessel, and to appreciate what works for me more often than I am critical of what works less well. Today is a good day to treat the world as well as I am learning to treat myself. Today is a good day to be the change I wish to see, and yes, there are verbs involved. My results may vary. 🙂