…Or not.  I’m taking a day or two off writing. Not because there is nothing to say; it is more a matter of putting the emphasis on now, and being with my partners.

We’ve had a death in the family, you see, and honoring my loved ones, being there for each of them, all of us together and focused on individual and shared grief in an honest and supportive way doesn’t leave much room for musing about the flotsam and jetsam of my thoughts and experiences, however beneficial it is for me.  This is not the time for amusing anecdotes shared with the world, or fun amateur snapshots of flowers as I walk to work, at least, not for me. Life requires my utter attention for now, as do my loved ones, and when the heart’s tide turns, and the emotional storms settle back to calm waves, I’ll write… or perhaps find myself more moved to write at twilight than at dawn, for a while.

I will observe that I’ve been honored to see some amazing moments of strength, grace, compassion, and mutual support from my loved ones.  We’ve each brought who we are to the stress of sudden loss, and I find myself impressed and awed by these amazing beings that share my life; strong, caring, vulnerable, and willing to really give to one another in moments of incredible personal pain. I am wowed, moved, and incredibly honored to be part of this family we have chosen to create together.

For now, it’s a matter of work and routine, as we each ‘hold our end up’ and get on with the business of living our lives while we deal with pain and grief, holding on to what we know in the face of so much we can never know.  Tonight I’ll put birdseed out, and hang the hummingbird feeder, meditate, and perhaps read quietly or watch a show with my partners as evening turns to night.  One foot in front of the other…each night followed by another dawn. I’m ok…I think we all are…certainly we are well-loved, and supported by many.  Certainly love remains more important than death, at least for the living.