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Exercise Your Franchise

November 3, 2026 //
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Vote.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

If you are a US citizen, it’s election day. Time to exercise that precious franchise and make your voice heard. (Have you voted already? I have.) Please don’t waste your opportunity to choose.

The morning is dark, and surprisingly mild. A warning sprinkle of rain drops spatters the windshield of the car as I head to the trail. Fair enough; I’ll wear my rain poncho. I arrive at my destination, and not one additional rain drop has fallen, that I can tell. I shrug it off and stuff my rain poncho into my pocket instead.

I set off down the trail. The walk is uneventful. I reach my halfway point and stop for a moment of reflection. The heavy cloud cover makes the morning a dark one. I feel peculiarly alone.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Good morning for meditation. I take my time. No reason to rush.

I sit with my thoughts awhile. I think about my right to vote. Sure, (white) women were granted the right to vote in 1920, but it would be 1965 before a truly inclusive franchise was provided, and even then (and now) there’s always some clown fucking with voting rights or access, generally out of racial animus or open misogyny. I vote. That seems the best demonstration of my regard for fuckwits who have no way to win without cheating. Women, people of color, indigenous people, and students have had to fight for their franchise again and again. Keep voting. Please don’t waste your hard won franchise. Choose wisely.

…Then, if you need to get the bitter taste out of your mouth, watch South Park season 8 episode 8. It has aged pretty well…

It begins to rain. There’s no rain in the forecast for today. I’m glad I didn’t rely on the forecast. I pull my rain poncho from my pocket and put it on.

I voted – and I have also been preparing for tough times. I don’t know the outcome, so I prepare for things to go very wrong, (in case they do). I remind myself to check the pantry and supply cupboard. I feel certain we’re out of a couple staples.

… I think about making chili for dinner…

I sigh to myself. Another day in America. I wonder what I really think about that, and remind myself to get some time alone with my thoughts, beyond this bit in the mornings. I know my beloved Traveling Partner will support that; he reliably does.  Maybe I just need more time in the studio?

I get to my feet, feeling inspired and introspective. Strange morning. I stretch and wonder how the elections will turn out and whether we will have a governing body of adults who genuinely see wise governance and creating a better nation for everyone who lives here as their obvious purpose? Probably not. Probably just another cohort of ineffective petty assholes serving special interests and beholden to billionaires. I sigh to myself and walk on.

… It’s time to begin again.

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Categories 2024 Election, Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, The Big 5, War and News of War, Words

DST, Change, Distractions

November 1, 2026 //
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I woke feeling groggy and confused, unsure of day, date, or time. I spent the time getting dressed also trying to figure out the change to the clocks as I stared fixedly at my phone.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

…Was it earlier or later? I couldn’t quite sort it out. I manage to dress and leave the house, feeling incredibly clumsy and more than a little stupid. I did manage to remember to take the bag of cardboard to the recycling bin. Small win, but it counts. The clock change reliably fucks up my morning routine for awhile, until I’ve readjusted. Again. G’damn it is frankly astonishing that anyone thought this would be a good idea.

We change the clocks forward, we change them back. The change is irrelevant to the length of a day. We’re just stupid like that.

Squirrel!!

I enjoyed some time in the studio yesterday. Nothing much came of it; two small pastels, one actually “bad” (to my eyes), the other… fine? Not what I was going for, but it’s “saleable”. I may rework them both. I’ve got another I chronically eye with irritation, from some time ago. Sometimes I sit for long moments eyeing “failed work”, contemplating how to “fix my mistakes”. My Traveling Partner made some interesting observations about yesterday’s work. He made good points about how best to revisit each, and made the observation that pursuing my craft will certainly mean failures now and then to learn from. Wise words.

… I appreciate feeling supported as an artist…

Last night was Halloween. Goblin hoards visited at regular intervals, mostly princesses this year, and a couple of large dinosaurs, and one or two Toy Story characters. There was also a tiny Hunter S Thompson, which struck me as strange and hilarious. We didn’t run out of sweets. It was a fun evening. I was glad when it was over, though. It’s a lot to deal with.

The fog on the trail is dense this morning. I walked with my headlamp on a dim setting and carried it in my hand, lower, and pointed towards the ground. The temperature is just above freezing, but cold. I’m grateful to have put on warm layers. I regret not grabbing my scarf and gloves from my gear bin. I was distracted by a rather large possum seeming to be approaching me as I stepped out of the car. I wasn’t frightened; I didn’t want rabies. 😆 It veered away quickly when it finally noticed me. Too late for my scarf and gloves, I was already headed down the trail.

The walk to this “halfway point” was spooky in the fog. I enjoy indulging my imagination with thoughts that somehow the world does not exist beyond the fog.

The beginning of this trail is partially illuminated by the streetlights along the edge of the parking lot.

“Already” the sky is turning bluer, grayer, and night is fading away. The fog obscures everything and muffles the sound of HVAC on the air museum buildings in the distance. I can’t hear any traffic, either. November 1st, All Souls Day, in the fog. Spooky indeed. If the ghost of my mother, my Granny, or my Dear Friend turned up, I would not even be surprised. I persist in hearing footsteps, but no one approaches. I think I hear conversation somewhere in the fog. Random noises remixed with my tinnitus, is all.

I breathe, exhale, and relax. Meditation in the fog “hits different”. That’s not a complaint. I stretch and watch the trees become more prominent in the strangely blue gray of the foggy dawn. Soon it will be time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, art and the artist, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, Words

A Better Version

October 30, 2026 //
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Walking and thinking on a damp chilly autumn morning. A fog clings to the ground, and wraps the trees.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

Interesting conversations with my Traveling Partner last night. Dinner together. Some videos. Nothing much out of the ordinary, it was a pleasant evening at home, in spite of being obviously impaired by pain, the both of us. When did I stop being able to easily “power through” and give a convincing impression of fitness? It seems recent? By the end of most days now, I just… can’t.

Still, there are better versions of me, and this is the idea that I’m giving thought to this morning as I walk. How to be the best version of myself moment to moment, in spite of pain, in spite of PTSD, in spite of brain damage, and in spite of aging. I’m not even looking for a cheat or shortcut. I’ll take the long slow approach, that’s fine. If this shit were easy the world would not be the festering shit pile of corruption and suffering that it seems to be.

… Hell, wouldn’t we all be better off if everyone at least gave a moment of their time to considering being their best selves? I can almost hear someone snap back “how do you know they don’t?”, and I know my response; look around you. That’s how I know. Gaza. Ukraine. Somalia. Rwanda. Yemen. Iran. Seems obvious more than a few people in power aren’t giving being the best version of themselves any thought at all. (When you vote, turn those fuckers out.)

So, I sit here at the side of this trail thinking about how to be the best version of myself. It matters to me. I’m not sure I’ll get there but I’ll be able to look back on a life well-lived in the attempt.

I breathe, exhale, relax. I meditate under a cloudy sky. The air smells of rain, fallen leaves, wood smoke, and petrichor. A lot of candle makers will charge you crazy prices claiming to be selling this scent. They never get it quite right. That’s the thing about the real experience of a scent or a place; any simulation, any fake, any artificial representation is going to fall short for anyone who has lived the moment. There’s something important to understand there, about artifice. I think about that awhile. Being my best self isn’t a “fake it ’til you make it” proposition. That doesn’t really work. Frontin’ like a player doesn’t make you a player. Dressing like a CEO doesn’t make you head of the company you work for. Playing make believe is…play. Becoming one’s best self is work and practice.

I inhale deeply and enjoy the sensation of exhaling. I visualize letting my stress go, exhaling it with my breath.

Wait, did I just dismiss artifice and play acting in one moment, then turn right around and use a visualization exercise in the very next paragraph? Yes, yes I did. Visualization, imagination, playing pretend, and even “dressing for the job you want”, all have a place at the table in life. Becoming the person I most want to be has some real work in it, and a commitment to practice over time. Lots of verbs. So much practice. No guarantee of success, and an implied promise of failure along the way. It’s hard enough just figuring out who we want to be. The work of becoming is its own challenge.

I get to my feet and stretch. I guess it’s as good a time as any to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Despair, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, solo hiking, The Art of Being, thoughts on AI, War and News of War, Words

Life.

October 29, 2026 //
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It is quiet here at the side of this trail in the darkness. It is early, before sunrise. It is autumn, chilly but not cold. Everything around me is wet from rain during the night. The clouds are dense and the sky quite dark, no stars shine through.

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

I breathe in the chilly fresh damp autumn air, grateful to breathe easily, thinking my thoughts. The freedom to walk safely in the darkness in the wee hours is precious and I make a point to savor it. I have no reason to expect that I’ll always have such freedom. It’s a strange world, and very few things are truly lasting certainties. So, I sit here contentedly for a little while, just being. Grateful.

The night was a difficult one. I sigh to myself, from frustration, or impatience, or maybe because life itself is often difficult. It could be so much worse. I practice anchoring myself to this moment here, now. It is quite a pleasant one, and it happens to be the one I’m in. Handy.

I breathe, exhale, and relax.

I hope my beloved gets the rest he needs. It is hard on him too when I am having a bad night.

Yesterday was tiring. My annual wellness check with my GP was fine. I’m in good health for my age and considering my history that’s impressive (to me). I got my flu shot. Convenient. It’s a long drive away, though, and I was tired by the time I got home. I shared a quiet evening watching videos with my Traveling Partner. All very ordinary and happily mundane.

… I’ve been having bad dreams, more or less nightly, for awhile now. Dreams of war, of chaos, of having to “mask up” in response to some threat of chemical or biological warfare then discovering the chemical agent is inside the mask… Rough. Worse are the more abstract dreams. How the hell is a dream of a “rainstorm” of strangely sticky confetti a “bad dream”?! I have no idea. What does a dream of blood going down a drain actually mean? Lucid dreaming practices sometimes help me find my way out. Waking up is a reliable way to stop a bad dream, though it does not prevent them lingering in my thoughts, sometimes for days.

This morning I’m tired but clear headed. It’s enough to get by on. The weekend is coming. I am hoping to spend much of it in the studio. How do I most easily put a nightmare to rest? I paint its picture. It is a peculiarly personal way to exorcise my demons.

A sprinkle of rain begins to fall. I get to my feet to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, art and the artist, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, health, inspiration, Love, Menopause, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, War and News of War, women, Words

Weird Weather, Still Walking

October 28, 2026 //
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I slept well, and struggled to wake easily. I slipped out of the house quietly, without waking my beloved (I think).

[No AI is used in writing or editing this blog. This is human content for human readers.]

The rain was fell intermittently as I drove to the trailhead. The air felt colder than the thermometer says it is. It is a relatively warm 51F/11C, and experience suggests it should feel warmer than it does. The raindrops feel warmer than I expect. It’s very strange. I get to the trail, dressed for the rain, so of course it stops raining. I begin to remove my poncho, as if to suggest confidence in the cloudy skies. As I do, it starts raining again. I laughed and put my poncho back on before I headed down the trail towards the creek on the other side of the vineyard. Nothing to see, really, it’s still quite dark and only my headlamp to light my way. I see the rain falling.

My beloved pings me a greeting. I find shelter under the trees and reply. The morning feels bright and joyful – and it’s not even daybreak yet. 😆

A break in the rain (more of a drizzle, really) and I set off again. The rain taps the hood of my poncho. A gust of wind pushes me sideways, then I overcorrect and stumble the other direction when the wind dies away. A fit of sneezing almost knocks me off my feet, but I barely give it a thought – I’m way more focused on not pissing myself as I sneeze! 😂 I stop, stand still, and catch my breath, grateful for the brief pause in the rain, and the tissues I remembered to stuff into my pocket.

When I finally reach my halfway point, it has felt like an adventure to get this far. I take shelter under the overhang of the evergreens along the creek. My usual spot is out under the open sky on the other side of the trail, but it’s raining again, so I choose differently. I sigh to myself. I won’t linger long. Today clearly isn’t the day for that.

Yeah. Rain. It is autumn in the Pacific Northwest, rain is just part of the package. Movement catches my attention. A small group of deer are walking past. One mature doe is leading three others, younger and smaller. She looks at me calmly, as she passes. They head into the trees just beyond where I’m standing. The rain continues.

I sigh to myself and finish this, eager to pull my cardigan more tightly around me and jam my hands into warm pockets. Surely I’ll warm up as I walk? I’m already looking forward to a hot shower after work. Silly human primates, always yearning for something. I grin at my very human foolishness, and begin again.

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Categories Allegories, autumn, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, The Art of Being, Words
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