Tears, Love, and Alfred

A latte, and some light reading

Yesterday was not my best day. That’s ok, too, I’m still very much a student of life and love, and learning mindfulness and practices that will nourish and sustain me heart and soul will be a lifetime endeavor. Funny what hurts, what doesn’t and what I do about it. I screwed up yesterday, well, I chose poorly. I put work over heart, understandably I suppose, and simply refused to take the time for myself that would potentially have put my heart at ease. Another lesson. Ten minutes for me would have been a small thing to take from the work day, and of enormous value for taking care of me.  As it was, I held back tears for hours.  I got home, let my partners know I would take some time for me, and eased myself into a hot bath…and let the tears fall.  I breathed deeply, relaxed slowly, and practiced being in the moment, feeling the feelings happen, then dissipate. It was a huge relief, and yes, crying does seem to drastically reduce stress very quickly when I am in the moment and aware and just ‘now’.  I could summarize…”Yesterday sucked, then I went home and had a good cry and felt better.”  There was more too it, but that’s basically it.

One of my loving partners met me at the door as I left the bathroom. “How are you doing?” There was love and concern in his eyes. “Ok, I guess. I’m not sure I’m fit company, tonight…” and as I said the words, looking into his loving eyes, more tears began to fall.  I disregarded them, and heard a universe of love and acceptance when he replied “I understand. I feel it.”  I recall a warm embrace…but I’m not sure we actually touched with our bodies, and that isn’t relevant to the feeling of being wrapped in his affection and encouragement.  I went to share a moment with my other partner, wanting to be sure she, too, could have that moment together and know that things will be ok.  Something strange happened… I learned a powerful lesson in mindfulness…from a fish.  My partner happily shared with me a new fish in our aquarium. The delight of watching him happily doing his thing, no sense of anything but now, sort of snapped into place.  We all shared a quiet chill evening together, a little conversation, but mostly just warmth and engagement on another level, watching a comedy show, laughing together as the evening turned to twilight, then to nightfall.

I woke to a different experience today.  Well-rested. Serene. Here and now.  An exceptional latte and a few moments of study, then meditation was eventually followed by a pleasant walk to work on a spring morning. How are the simple pleasures of a good life of any less significance than distant pain? I make this mistake far too often. I’m learning, though.   There are so many odd slogans in life that ring so true as I explore this mindfulness thing… how about ‘stopping to smell the roses’? I don’t think it has to be literal roses, so this morning I stopped for a different flower, and it smelled quite sweet.

Stopping to smell the flowers

Oh, and we named the fish ‘Alfred’. 😀