Busy weekend. Home making. It’s satisfying work. I am tired and eager to see my Traveling Partner at the end of his long drive. This isn’t a moment that requires any analysis, or any sort of deeper-dive; it’s quite enough exactly as it is.
I look around satisfied with the day’s progress. I smile in acknowledgement of all the small things that remain yet to be done. The smile is because now I’ll have time. I just got a lot of time back that won’t be spent driving. I gain time in my life back, because I’ll be right here at home – and still get to hang out with this singular human being that I enjoy so much. It’s a brilliantly efficient choice. lol It’s an utterly commonplace choice. These things exist in the same moment of contemplation and joy.
I think about the container garden on the deck. I failed it in every regard, last year, in the ridiculous summer heat, because I was away most weekends, and exhausted most week days. I lost roses that had survived decades of moving with me. It didn’t end up being heart-breaking, which, for me, I realize now was quite an extraordinary bit of progress and healing itself – and I didn’t even notice that at the time. Circumstances were what they were, and I understood them to be a clear consequence of my actions (or lack of), and recognizing my accountability, and understanding what would be needed for a different outcome, I simply let it go at that point. I never noticed the lack of heart-break, the lack of emotional storm. It was what it was, and regrettable, but little more than that. I can, and will, do better this year.
I knock back a cold glass of water. Then another. I pause to appreciate having clean, safe, potable water, right here in the house. I recognize the privilege this presents. Realistically, it isn’t something everyone in the world is so fortunate as to enjoy (and not even reliably right here in the U.S.).
Tonight? Gratitude. Love. Sufficiency. Tomorrow? I begin again. 🙂