Nice morning. Mild. Quiet. I’m okay. I got a decent night of sleep after several restless nights of degraded sleep. I needed it. Dreams instead of nightmares. The morning started pretty well, and I’m not in much pain this morning. Manageable.

I sit quietly at the trailhead, waiting for the sun. I watch a pair of walkers hit the trail in the darkness, with a flashlight. The light swings and bobs as they disappear up the trail, the faint shapes in the darkness becoming formless shadows as they reach the first bend along the path. I don’t prefer to walk the trail in the dark. I become hyper vigilant rather quickly and it’s not much fun to walk along scanning the environment for unseen threats. I am unavoidably aware that those potential threats are not foolish imaginings; human beings can be quite dangerous.

So… I sit and wait for the sun.

I had planned to skip my walk today, to be certain of finishing the work day early enough to get home to take my Traveling Partner to physical therapy. On top of that just being a bit unnecessary, he messaged me during the wee hours; he’s not feeling up to it. Understandable. He’s tapering off a medication and the process fucks with his head, and his physical experience. I feel for him. When I saw the tapering instructions I was dismayed at how little regard appeared to be given to how the drug actually works, and it’s half-life. Doctors often seem to be fairly fucking uninformed about the psycho-pharmacology of the drugs they so casually dispense. Profit and process over people. It’s disappointing.

I am momentarily distracted by the bright lights of a freight truck rolling by on the highway. It’s decked out in so many lights! I am delighted by the display and grinning like a little kid. It’s a weirdly joyful moment. I wonder if the driver knows? Was the choice intentional? Do the lights make them smile, too?

I sit quietly awhile with my thoughts.

Daybreak soon.

This quiet time is so important for my well-being. I’m fortunate to have the will, the opportunity, and the partnership that support it. I breathe, exhale, and relax. I sit quietly, meditating, writing, and waiting for the sun. It’ll be daybreak soon, and time to begin again.