Archives for category: Allegories
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Letting It Be What It Is

February 7, 2024 //
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This morning I am sipping my coffee contentedly, and watching daybreak become morning. No sunrise this morning. There’s a massive dark gray storm cloud blotting out the sky to the east, so dark that it almost appears that the sun must be rising from the west – the sky is that much lighter in that direction. Doesn’t change the quality of this cup of coffee. Doesn’t affect my mood, or the tasks ahead of me today. It is what it is. I’m okay with it; I am safe and comfortable and warm – and I’ve got this cup of coffee.

I woke easily, and a little early, and my commute was fine. Traffic was no heavier than any other day, and it was moving right along. I often felt as if I were the slowest thing on the road, which is not my usual experience, and I found myself checking my speedometer often, just to verify I was indeed going at least the speed limit. lol Strange morning. Nothing wrong with it – it just is.

Nothing about this morning is so strange that it’s worth commenting on, really. Ordinary morning. It’s pretty easy to “just let it be what it is” on a morning like this. I love these sorts of mornings; they give me a chance to practice some practices in a “safe context” with few challenges, which tends to make them feel more natural on days when I really need them most. Practicing “letting things be what they are” (non-attachment) and not taking things personally are practices that have a lot of value for me, but if I’m stressed to my breaking point, or feeling traumatized, they can be so much more difficult. It’s good to have plenty of practice, because when these become “skills” and “habits” as much as they are “practices”, then, when I need them most, they just are.

I sip my coffee. I breathe, exhale, relax, and consider the moment. I’m grateful for the quiet. Appreciative of the ease. I watch the dark gray storm clouds move over the city, slowly. It may rain. I’m okay with that, too. It is what it is. A little rain can’t stop me from beginning again. 😀

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

Playing Catch Up

February 5, 2024 //
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My commute into the city this morning was pleasant and uneventful. I got gas. Got coffee. Arrived at the office a bit early – and that proved to have real value, since I’d managed to forget to slip my office fob and key into my coat pocket on my way out of the house! I didn’t lose my head over it – it wasn’t even a particularly stressful moment; I had the presence of mind to think to check with the building concierge and was able to check out a key and fob temporarily, to let myself in. (Being first on site has its downsides. lol) Turned out to be just as unremarkable as it sounds.

I sat down to my computer and skimmed my email, and Slack notifications, and answered the most time-sensitive items straight away, then went to make coffee – only to discover that the weekend cleaning crew had jammed the door on the coffee machine, so… no fancy machine-made coffee this morning. I’m drinking instant. LOL I’m not too proud for that, and hey, it reminds me how fortunate I truly am, so I sip my instant coffee quite contentedly as I catch up on emails and whatnot that piled up over the days I was out of the office. Easy. Routine. Within minutes I’m sufficiently caught up for the day to feel like an absolutely ordinary Monday. Win.

It’s hard to measure the impact of anxiety on a day that begins with “catching up” after being out of the office. I can remember a time when my unmanaged anxiety would have had me spun up before I ever sat down to look over my email, and prone to reactively responding without thoroughly reviewing whole threads to see what had already been well-supported, eventually spending some notable portion of an entire week aggressively pounding out replies to things via email that might have been better handled (and more skillfully) after a moment of real consideration, and maybe a pause to reflect, instead of churning out new replies to haphazard earlier replies, and breathlessly dashing from meeting to meeting feeling like I was on the edge of losing my mind. That’s no way to live (or work), and certainly tends to undermine any restorative restful recreational hours that had preceded the shitstorm of “catching up”. It can be done more gently, and with greater presence and thoughtfulness. 😀 So… that’s what I do now. lol

It took me about an hour to fully catch up from taking a long weekend. Not too bad. I end the hour with a thorough understanding of what I missed while I was out, and what new action items are on my plate. My time is planned. My work feels supported. I know where I need to put my attention, now. This feels pretty comfortable.

…And all that in an hour after a long weekend…

The weekend was lovely and restful. The homecoming was comfortable, and warm, and welcoming, and I feel very loved (I hope my Traveling Partner does, too). I’m looking forward to ending the work day and maybe cooking up a stir fry after work, or some other properly home-cooked healthy meal. I feel refreshed and restored, and full of energy (at least for now, at the start of the work day). I sip my coffee and smile, hoping my Traveling Partner is getting the rest he needs.

The sun rises on a gray rainy day. The sky lightens to a soft featureless pale gray, and rain spatters the office windows. “Nothing to see here.” I think to myself. I sigh and think back to the sea breezes and waves, and the gulls floating on the air currents just beyond the balcony. It already seems “so long ago”. I laugh at my mortal foolishness, and begin again.

The sun setting on a lovely day.
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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

The Day Has Come

February 4, 2024 //
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It’s been a lovely couple of days of relaxed solitary time, mostly spent reading and walking on the beach. Time well-spent. I feel refreshed and recharged. I finished a book I wanted to read (I even started it over to get that fully immersed reading experience). I had a chance to miss my Traveling Partner, and I’m eager to return home… my own bed, my own bathroom, my own cooking… and the tremendous joy and delight I take in the company of my partner. I miss all of that, and I’m eager to be home once more.

I’m already packed (all but my computer bag, for obvious reasons), and there’s very little left to do besides take the last items to the car, and go. I’m enjoying the morning. My coffee this morning is less awful than yesterday’s was. I’ll have a slightly better one once the “breakfast bar” is open. (It will reliably have coffee better than what the drip machine in the room will make.) Better still, I’ll grab a genuinely good cup of coffee on my way out of town.

Last night I was still on the fence about my departure plans… I thought, perhaps breakfast, maybe one more walk on the beach? I nearly always tease myself in this way, but by the time I wake up on the last day of a bit of time away, I’m just ready to go home. lol I’d rather make pancakes or waffles or just scrambled eggs and toast and a really first rate cup of coffee and enjoy them with my Traveling Partner, at this point, and no restaurant experience can really compete with that. Honestly, that’s a really nice feeling to have about a relationship. 😀

I slept well enough, last night, I suppose, though I woke regularly to check the time (I’m clearly eager to go home at this point). I finally just got up, quite a bit earlier than any other day that I’ve been here, and earlier than I do most work days. lol It ‘s not even daylight, yet – not even close. It’s still an hour until the hotel’s breakfast bar opens. I sip my terrible coffee contentedly. It’s a pleasant morning, and I am enjoying the morning and feeling very prepared for the next thing. 😀

So, it’s home to love and routine, and with enough time to prepare for a new work week. I can feel myself shift gears, ever so subtly. It’ll be time to begin again, soon enough, in the meantime, there’s this coffee to drink, and a sunrise to watch… 😀

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being, winter

A Dreadful Coffee, A Good Time

February 3, 2024 //
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My morning coffee this morning is truly awful. Made it myself, and I’ve made a few bad cups of coffee in this lifetime – this one’s a standout among them. lol It’s early on a Saturday, in a small somewhat shabby hotel, in a lovely quiet spot on the Oregon coast, though, and if all I have to complain about is a shitty cup of drip coffee made in a poor quality plastic drip coffee machine from provided (and likely ancient) pre-measured ground coffee… well… it’s a damned good morning, generally, eh? 😀 I alternate sips of water (cool and refreshing) and sips of coffee (g’damn this is terrible), and check to see what time the nearest good quality coffee may be available this morning (it’s “off season” and quite a few of the small cafes and such are closed on a seasonal basis, taking a pleasant break during the rainy winter months). 07:00 a.m. looks like the earliest I could go out and fetch back a good cup of coffee, and by then I’m likely to be wanting a bite of breakfast and maybe a walk on the beach…

…I think things over while I sip my bad cup of coffee, and lean on the experience as useful perspective, and a launch point for a moment of gratitude; as bad as this cup of coffee is, it’s here, it’s hot, and it’ll do what coffee does to kick start my morning. It’s enough, and I’m grateful for a world in which coffee exists and is (still) reliably available to a person of average means. (Realistically, that may not always be the case.)

…Good grief this is a bad cup of coffee though…

I slept well and deeply again last night. Sleep pulled me down into it’s dreamy depths relatively early (again). The walking and the sea air combine to find me truly ready for sleep by the end of the day, and it’s quite lovely. I slept a bit more than 10 hours and woke to the sound of ocean waves pounding the rip-rap at the base of the hotel property, feeling rested and refreshed. The hotel has been surprisingly quiet on this visit, and I’ve enjoyed that greatly. The morning begins gently, and I feel pretty good – less stiffness and less pain than yesterday, which is promising for the day ahead.

I shut off the desk light in the room – I don’t need it to write, and it obscures my view of daybreak and the sunrise-to-come. I smile at the fractional moon overhead, as it sets, and marvel for a moment at the way it shimmers on the bay. I open the door to the balcony, and the chilly sea air. A handful of ships in the distance reveal themselves by their lights; I’d never see them during the daylight hours without a more powerful zoom than any I brought, the their lights twinkle away in the dim blue of dawn.

A brand new day. What will I do with it?

I sip my coffee, feeling “more awake” as the quantity remaining dwindles. I think about breakfast, and choose a local favorite breakfast spot I haven’t yet tried. I listen to the waves, louder just now for some reason. I watch the gulls soaring and gliding playfully on the early morning breezes and the updraft alongside the hotel wall. The morning sky begins to shed its deeper hues in favor of something closer to a baby blue or a robin’s egg blue. Looks like a good day to wander and wonder unfolding ahead of me. I smile and finish my terrible cup of coffee, and prepare to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, The Art of Being, winter

Downtime

February 2, 2024 //
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I woke to a vibrating notification on my device, which was on a table on the other side of the room. The room I woke in was “a strange place”, and filled with light when I woke; I had left the curtain partially open expecting daybreak to wake me. It didn’t. It was almost 08:00 a.m., and I’d slept nearly 11 hours. My Traveling Partner woke ahead of me, and had messaged me the good morning greeting that ultimately woke me.

The view I woke to.

It’s a lovely morning. It’s hours later and I’m still groggy. I’m in a ferocious amount of physical pain this morning, and struggling to feel properly awake. It’s a feeling not unlike the feeling one might have after consuming too many “medibles” the day before, and then trying to wake up too early (which is hilarious, since I didn’t use any cannabis at all yesterday). I feel sludgy and slow and dreamy, as if trapped in some partially awakened state. I feel fairly certain I could just go back to bed, and continue to sleep still more. I laugh when I realize I may have subtly set myself up for this moment simply by being so eager to “get some downtime” – I made it okay with myself, and my brain took it from there. I can relax and take it easy, nap if I want to, laze around if I want to, chill with a book or whatever I please. Apparently… I’m tired enough that my body went all-in on getting some actual rest. LOL

I listen to the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach where the channel meets the sea. The tide is going out, and will be at it’s lowest today at about 12:30 p.m. That’ll be a great time to walk the beach, with the warmth of the afternoon sun on my back. There’s no need to rush. I teeter on the edge of going back to bed to nap or read (or read and nap)… or… making my way out into the world long enough to get a good cup of coffee. lol It’s a tough choice, this morning, and it seems likely that napping will win… on the other hand… this first coffee, this morning, is relatively poor quality hotel coffee, and I would very much like a good cup of coffee. lol I just don’t know, and I have all day to make up my mind (if that’s how I want to spend the day).

I spent a lot of yesterday morning and afternoon walking, and my legs ache, reminding me of it. Funny that I’m stalled in this here and now, betwixt decision-making, taking action, or just napping. lol I almost trick myself into thinking I “should” do something… but escaping the “shoulds” and the “have to’s” and the sensation of falling behind on too much that wants my attention is the entire point of this short getaway; letting all that pressure fall away, and taking my ease for just a day or two, and letting my mind rest are my highest priorities today. So.

I’ve no idea where this day will take me – maybe nowhere. I’ll find out when I begin again.

A visitor stops by while I wonder what the day may hold.
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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, meditation, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, The Art of Being, winter
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