Archives for posts with tag: a cozy evening at home

Or…let go. Either way, your call. We’re each having our own experience. (I say that a lot.) This morning is one such customized, personalized, choice-defined, observation-limited, individual experience. I’m having it now. So are you.

A picture of a moment; evening at the train station.

A picture of a moment; evening at the train station.

It’s a lovely quiet morning after a very pleasant evening. My traveling partner cooked dinner last night; his cooking is very good, and I was fortunate to arrive home in time to share the evening meal with both my partners. My work hours often get in the way of that simple joy, and that is a recognized trade-off so many of us make in adulthood; we give up some small pleasure in order to convert more of our limited precious mortal time into… cash. That’s really all a job is for many of us – it’s a way to convert time into cash money using effort and skill to make the exchange ‘fair’ (in theory). Looked at that way, it’s so important that we not be wasting our most precious, most finite personal resource on something that doesn’t support our basic needs, or something that is a bad (or hurtful) experience, or even simply one we don’t enjoy. When the pay off is good, it’s sometimes hard to remember to choose to treat myself well, and make choices that truly meet my needs over time. That surprises me a little, thinking about that challenge in light of the observation that employment is basically a conversion process of turning my time into money…because that would mean that every cent in value I am paid was already mine – in time, and the potential to make use of it – and the exchange rate may  not be that fair, considering how precious time actually is, for each of us.

Something to think about; I matter to me. The time I ‘spend’ on someone else’s needs (particularly for their profit) needs to be truly worth it to me; I can’t get the time back. Every minute ‘spent’ is simply gone…and I’m not exactly keeping a budget. Have I balanced my ‘checkbook’ and made sure I know where my time is going?

Metaphors – just one more way I entertain myself while I learn. 😉

I read a friend’s manuscript last weekend. I’m fortunate to be asked to do such a favor – not only because it was an exciting read, and I enjoyed it, but also because it inspired me on another level.  As I was walking to work yesterday, a character developed in my thoughts, her experience began to draft itself, her history and family began to become ‘real’, and a plot started to gel in my imagination. Manuscripts, though, are a bit like unfinished sentences; most of them stay that way. Unfinished. (I have a decent beginning of a novel somewhere in my files… never finished. lol) This, though, feels different… So, I made some notes yesterday, and this weekend I’ll do some research to flesh out the bits that need that attention. I may even write. Sometime down the road I may even finish it. 🙂

My coffee is slowly growing cold. I don’t have more to say this morning, really. I’m in a lot of pain this week and it sends my thoughts skittering away from deeper subjects, as often as it pulls me into sorrows. Meditation is both helpful and difficult. Yoga, the same; nearly necessary for freedom of movement, slow going, and although worth it, quite difficult. Words are easy, but I don’t seem to have so many this morning…

Today is a good day to take care of me, and a good day to consider the discomfort of others, too. Today is a good day to enjoy small pleasures and a to take a moment to really value them. Today is a good day to hear compliments, and enjoy them with humility and gratitude.  Today is a good day to cherish my skills, my experience, and my decision-making, most of which serve me well, much of the time. Today is a good day for enough, and a good day for contentment. Today is a good day to change the world.

Tonight is quiet. I hurt. My arthritis isn’t playing around this year. I wonder grimly if it will ‘always be this way’. One deep breath later, I look across the room at sweet love made real and magnificent…well, actually he’s just chilling there, playing a game online, in his own head-space.  Yep, a quiet night. I feel pretty content – aside from the pain.

I realize it has been days since I wrote and I ask myself “is this why I felt so cognitively ‘crowded’ and overwhelmed this afternoon?” A couple more deep breaths. A pleasant voice from downstairs asks if I would like a cup of tea, and I realize that tea sounds nice. Yep. A very quiet night indeed.  Soon it’ll be a cup of tea, Dave Matthews Band playing in the background reminding me that it’s funny the way it is, or that change starts with one step – and of course, I might die trying. lol. I feel relaxed and playful – aside from the pain.

I am calmly considering a handful of interactions the past few days that taken singly say nothing much about life, change, or forward progress, but when I consider them together, a trajectory appears, a pattern develops. I feel… something. Something new and good and I like it, but I don’t know how to share it. I can’t quite verbalize this something that feels… so…

It’s a quiet evening, at home with family, reading, writing, gaming. Listening to music. Living. In this moment it is as if there is no pain; the pain is not the important thing.

Tonight I’ll relax until the clock reminds me that 5:00 am comes early, sleep until the alarm goes off, perhaps, and begin another new day.  I wonder what it holds? More questions? More choices. I am looking forward to my experience.