Tonight is quiet. I hurt. My arthritis isn’t playing around this year. I wonder grimly if it will ‘always be this way’. One deep breath later, I look across the room at sweet love made real and magnificent…well, actually he’s just chilling there, playing a game online, in his own head-space.  Yep, a quiet night. I feel pretty content – aside from the pain.

I realize it has been days since I wrote and I ask myself “is this why I felt so cognitively ‘crowded’ and overwhelmed this afternoon?” A couple more deep breaths. A pleasant voice from downstairs asks if I would like a cup of tea, and I realize that tea sounds nice. Yep. A very quiet night indeed.  Soon it’ll be a cup of tea, Dave Matthews Band playing in the background reminding me that it’s funny the way it is, or that change starts with one step – and of course, I might die trying. lol. I feel relaxed and playful – aside from the pain.

I am calmly considering a handful of interactions the past few days that taken singly say nothing much about life, change, or forward progress, but when I consider them together, a trajectory appears, a pattern develops. I feel… something. Something new and good and I like it, but I don’t know how to share it. I can’t quite verbalize this something that feels… so…

It’s a quiet evening, at home with family, reading, writing, gaming. Listening to music. Living. In this moment it is as if there is no pain; the pain is not the important thing.

Tonight I’ll relax until the clock reminds me that 5:00 am comes early, sleep until the alarm goes off, perhaps, and begin another new day.  I wonder what it holds? More questions? More choices. I am looking forward to my experience.