Archives for posts with tag: mindful living

Here it is, Sunday, September 29th.  I’ve been looking forward to it eagerly since I decided to participate in the World Wide WP  5k . I’m actually excited about this – and I woke this morning eager to drop my camera into my pocket and be on my way… only…

Autumn in Oregon

Autumn in Oregon

It’s raining! It’s raining rather a lot and pretty hard most of the day, off and on..  I watched the rain spatter the windows this morning, while I sipped my coffee.  I splashed puddles on my way to work, momentarily forgetting dignity or consequences, reveling in the sheer joy of weather, and wonder, and fun.  I am undeterred by a handful of rain drops.  😀  I’m nearing the starting line, too.  Once my work day ends (around 5 pm), I’ll double-check my camera (fully charged this morning), and be on my way.

I am getting a late start, but I haven’t changed my mind.  So, here’s the route I’m taking, a well-lit, well-paved, orderly 3.2 suburban miles along the edge of light industry; a ‘walking meditation’ contemplating the connections between where I work, and where I live, and exploring change (it’s not a common route for me to take, and there’s a lot going on):

3.2 miles

3.2 miles

See you on the other side…

…I so wasn’t kidding about that. 😀  It’s later now, and I’m warm and dry and waiting for a pizza delivery, listening to ‘house music’ and relaxing while Autumn’s furor continues to rage outside.  It didn’t just rain… it rained with a drenching ferocity that dares me to use some trite worn metaphor. lol.

It began simply enough, with a first step.

More damp than daunting. lol

More damp than daunting. lol

I took some more steps after that, and I got in some pictures when I could, concerned with getting my little camera wet, initially…

Debris strewn sidewalks challenge my balance.

Debris strewn sidewalks challenge my balance.

I stopped worrying so much about the rain on my camera, when it became clear that I needed to attend to the fallen branches promising a serious misstep to the inattentive – there’s a metaphor in there, I’m sure of it.

Soon, wet feet were a much bigger deal than wet  weather!

Soon, wet feet were a much bigger deal than wet weather!

I learned the value of dry socks in the Army. I even keep an extra pair in my desk at work. My feet were soaked within a few minutes of starting out, when I carelessly misjudged my effort to step over a puddle crossing a street, and I spent much of the rest of the walk thinking about getting home to a hot shower and clean dry socks.

So many puddles!

So many puddles!

There’s a lot to be said for being out in nasty weather, cold, wet to the skin, and uncomfortable, for really putting hot running water, clean dry clothes, and a pizza-on-the-way high on my list of things to be happy about.

A suburban wilderness along the way.

A suburban wilderness along the way.

So many quiet hidden places to see, flashes of something other than industry and residence, between expanses of hedge, or wall, or fence. The rain came down so hard for much of the walk that it was impractical to take some of the pictures I’d have enjoyed sharing with you.

Closer to home, I head around a rainy bend.

Closer to home, I head around a rainy bend.

As I neared the end of the walk, my pace quickened, and the rain came down harder, and the wind blew my hood down.

Autumn leaves, and wind-tossed trees nearing the finish.

Autumn leaves, and wind-tossed trees nearing the finish.

I didn’t care at all.  Hood down, head up; I walked on – and possibly with a huge grin, because my face hurts like I have been smiling all day.  This. Was. Fun. So much fun. The rain didn’t matter.  Whether or not I took pictures didn’t really make a difference in the grander scheme of things.  I did this, because I can now – it was a very good experience. That matters. 😀

 

 

 

 

 

I spent a lot of years avoiding things that were an effort.  I like ‘easy’. lol. It could be assumed that I was not at the starting line of any ‘fun run’, at any time, anywhere.  Funny how change works, isn’t it? I feel differently about a lot of things.  So many things are better simply because I recognize, and accept, even expect that there is effort involved, before I even get started on something.

As recently as 2009 my life and choices had taken me to a place where I was uncomfortably ‘over weight’ – meaning to say I was uncomfortable with my weight at that time, didn’t feel healthy, and experienced a loss of mobility, as well as a lot of pain and discomfort, because of my weight and general lack of fitness.  I have come a very long way from that place in my life.

I started with a simple enough commitment – I didn’t want my weight to be what killed me – and a plan; I would be less efficient, and exert more effort, and eat what I needed to support good health, and my goal weight.  It was pretty drastic to reduce my calories so much, and to push myself to do… well, anything.  I started small… a trip to a local farmer’s market, a walk of less than 3 blocks, up a gentle incline.  I’ll admit it was actually damned difficult, but I felt so good doing something.  It was even something I’d wanted to do for a long while and had avoided.

I’ve gone on to lose more weight, and I’m pretty close to my goals for weight, and fitness, now.  Better than that – I mostly feel pretty good, and pretty fit, and I easily commute on foot (about 5 miles a day) and consider myself decently active.  I’m ready for a ‘next step’… and it is going to be the Worldwide WP 5k!  I’m pretty excited, actually. I’ve got my route picked out (3.2 miles). I’m hoping to take pictures of this and that, and perhaps a few other things. I’ll take along my camera, rather than relying on my cell phone. 😀

I’m just a little surprised to be so eager to do this… eager feels good. 😀

...the map is not the world, but having a map can make a journey easier.

…the map is not the world, but having a map can make a journey easier.

What defines something as ‘right’? What makes something ‘enough’? Before we go too far down a philosopher’s rabbit hole, let me clarify – my questions are less about the semantics or meanings of those words relative to other words or ideas, and more about how does an individual determine that some one event, action, outcome, or experience fits the description? I keep bumping my nose on what seems to be an answer – and I admit that I’m not much of a fan of ‘answers’ lately; the questions convey more, for me, most of the time. Still, an answer to one question sometimes forms the basis of other questions just as worthy of consideration… and in this case, the ‘answer’ is kind of a big deal. Perspective. Yep, I am still meditating on perspective. The painting is unfinished, and the contemplation of the work as metaphor, as studious reflection and examination of experience, and as its own creative experience, keep me coming back again and again to life lessons about perspective.  There are those that required perspective to complete, and those that resulted in greater perspective once completed – and depending on my perspective in contemplation, a whole lot of life experiences open themselves up to being viewed as instructive on perspective.  Perspective is a big deal.  It is becoming an iceberg in my studies; so many things turn out to be relevant to matters of perspective.

I started the weekend focused on some pretty specific needs and desires.  I went into it with limited known resources, and an understanding that circumstances and the free will of others would predictably bring a few unknowns to confound any planning.  I try not to notice how little of the weekend remains… It’s been a lovely one.  Perspective has been a big deal for enjoying it.  If I had remained fixed on expectations, or investing heavily in my needs at the expense of a more connected experience, I could have been sitting here unhappily wallowing in discontent. I know, because I’ve done it in the past.

I’ve allowed myself a different experience today by identifying the successes as they happen, and appreciating those, and enjoying them, instead of zeroing in on some specific one thing or experience that I wanted and didn’t get.  I’m still learning a lot about relationships and happiness and intimacy and sharing life and love.  Learning to ‘take care of me’ sometimes feels like a mandate to make demands or insist that my needs must be met.  My own experience with meeting the needs of my loved ones is that I’m not always up to it, or able to with available resources, or may be unwilling to for some reason that seems appropriate or necessary to me in-the-moment; I can safely infer that is also their experience with meeting my needs. lol.  Knowing we are each having our own experience, and each have our own needs to be met, it actually seems pretty inevitable that sometimes some needs are unmet.  That’s how it was this weekend – some needs were met, others were not. Funny thing, it really seems now that the needs that got met were more urgent or more important… or more… worthy… than what I thought I needed to start with. lol.  A lesson in perspective, and also a lesson in ‘going with it’ instead of fussing and trying to force the flow of events.

It’s been a lovely weekend, and incredibly intimate. It wasn’t the intimacy I expected. It was, however, very much the intimacy I needed. 😀

Well…or something of that sort. I sometimes find it difficult to be certain I really am making progress, or that new skills actually function as hoped for, or that I’m experiencing real healing and holistic long-term improvements in quality of life, as well as in-the-moment improvements in how I experience my life.  An analog of this experience might be learning math in grade school; it is very difficult at that time in one’s life to understand what use it will have later on. Today, I found myself actually using new skills in a natural way, applying mindfulness to stress in-the-moment, using improved communication skills to clarify misunderstood details and context, taking care of me by expressing limitations and setting boundaries without being confrontational or accusatory and generally taking a brief moment of emotion and distress in my day, and allowing to be simply that – a moment.  Hell, I’m even having an excellent day – without mental gymnastics, denying myself my heartfelt emotions, or trampling on my own needs and boundaries.  Yeah, I actually do feel a bit like I ‘passed a test’.  If nothing else, I am encouraged that I am learning a few things that are helping me enjoy more of my experience, and really treat myself and my loved ones well.

In the spirit of celebrating a great report card, I’m going to get back to having a great latte, a lovely quiet morning of jazz and conversation, a little housekeeping as the day wears on – in short, enjoying my Saturday.  I hope you enjoy yours, too.

A picture of another lovely day.

A picture of another lovely day.

Touch is important to me.  I think it always was, but for most of my life I was really very restrictive about people touching me casually.  My feelings on the matter of touch at that time were, more or less, ‘if we aren’t going to have sex, please don’t touch me’.  How very isolating that was!  I’m in a different place as a person – although, admittedly, I don’t prefer total strangers ‘breaking the contact barrier’ with me, without warning or consent.  I really enjoy being touched, though.  So much baggage, so little time… lol.

I was thinking about touch, and my issues relevant to physical intimacy in general, and it reminded me that I had been considering this very topic just last night in a moment of nostalgia.  I was contemplating a tender point in life’s journey, and learning to Love, when I had finally really begun to welcome touch into my every day experience.  My lover at that time, an amazingly nurturing man of considerable skill with relationship building, had a practice of welcoming me home from work – or the store, or wherever else I had happened to be – with a moment of real connection.  He would put everything down for an embrace, and a moment of connected contact.  There we would be, in each other’s arms, holding each other, feeling the warm of our bodies close together, feeling our heartbeats begin to beat together, and experiencing all the wonders and intangibles of being in the arms of someone we love… and it was every day, every time we reconnected after being apart, and it was… extraordinary.  I began to do it, too… every time he was away from me, and returned, I put everything down and put my attention on him, on us, on now.  It was my first experience of loving mindfully – but I didn’t know it at the time. It’s an amazing thing to experience.

I miss it.

Oh, there’s no lack of affection in my life. I have wonderful loving partners and a good life.  We share mutual affection, and closeness, and as much intimacy as we can make time for… real life sometimes seems to get in the way.  Now I often find myself crying out in the wilderness of my chaos and damage for this something that seems missing… those seemingly infinite moments of connection and intimacy are far more rare now, and kind of hit or miss.  I feel it.  I’m learning enough about love, and loving well, to recognize what I miss. (Hey! That’s real progress for me!)  I guess now I need to learn the words to say ‘I love this. I want this.’ and then go about the business of ‘being the change’… that’s the harder part; making it a verb, an action, a reality.  Being the change.  How do I build something I don’t understand? Life’s curriculum apparently gets more challenging as I progress through the lesson plan.  🙂

I do want to say something more… if you have this level of intimacy and connection with your friends and lovers and partners – any or all of them – cherish it! Nurture it! Value it above all things, because taking it for granted can result in a loss that feels…well, it’s very similar for me to grieving the loss of someone dear to me, actually.  The sense of ‘being without it’ is hard to overstate.

Today, I will learn something more about being intimate, and fostering intimacy in my relationships.