Archives for posts with tag: mindfulness matters
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Caught in a Moment Between Moments

May 17, 2020 //
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I’m sipping my coffee on a quiet Sunday morning. I slept in, some. I woke feeling rested, mostly. My day has a purposeful outing planned in it, one stop, out and back. My Traveling Partner and I will go together. This is still hours away. My partner is still sleeping. (My notion of “sleeping in” still finds me awake ahead of many people, on a Sunday. lol) Meditation. Yoga. Then, writing, right? That’s the routine, generally.

…This morning I sit sipping coffee, and for quite some time definitely not writing. Just sitting. Contemplating change. Contemplating the day ahead. Noodling around in my own head, lacking focus or intention – just here, being this moment. Reflecting on life. Sipping coffee. I’m not giving myself any shit about it; it’s enough for this moment to be what it is, right now. I don’t need more. There is no pressure on me in this moment to do more, or be anything different than this human being I have become over time. I feel fairly contented, through and through, and exist in this precious rare moment utterly without anxiety, without agenda, without worry. I’m just sitting here drinking coffee on a Sunday morning in the springtime, thinking thoughts. The sky hints at a sunny day ahead, after a rainy night.

I smile in anticipation of the pleasure in a shared drive in the countryside, later. “Enough”? More than enough. Delightful. I find myself greatly appreciating the errand that takes us out of the house today. It’s been far too rare, for what seems like a very long time (really, it’s only been about 8 weeks, I think…, but that is a long time to just “stay home”; we’re busier creatures than we knew, and it turns out staying home just indefinitely is really challenging). My mind runs down the list of “things to have when one leaves the house” these days: mask, nitrile gloves, hand sanitizer – and a positive attitude is always handy, too. What a weird time the pandemic is.

I give myself yet another moment, just relaxing and drinking coffee. No pressure. I remind myself to clean the bathroom, dust and vacuum later. Regular weekend chores. A long soak in a hot bath sounds lovely, too (I frown a moment, at the simultaneous recollection of how small our bathtub is, in this rental, still – it is sufficient, and I make room to be grateful we have indoor plumbing, hot running water, and fragrant bath products).

Today is a day. This moment is one moment. There will be others. Soon it will be time to begin again. Right now? It’s enough to enjoy this cup of coffee, on this quiet Sunday morning.

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Categories Allegories, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Spring, The Art of Being

TBD

May 15, 2020 //
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Sipping coffee on a Friday morning, before work. I’m stiff and aching today, and really missing the experience of anticipating a Saturday brunch with a friend. I mean… brunch isn’t an “essential”, and I’d rather not put humankind at risk over a desire for brunch out, but I do miss it. 🙂 I try to spend more time reflecting on, and savoring, the experiences I enjoy, right now, than I do complaining (or ruminating over) the ones I am missing.

…So, moving right along…

Yesterday was pleasant. My Traveling Partner spent his time doing his thing. I spent the day “at” work – in my studio, doing work things, on the work calendar, using work tools. It was a good day, generally. My partner and I enjoyed each other. The day unfolded gently without tension. I smile, and give myself over to a few minutes of joyful reflection and recollection.

My eye lands on the aquarium next to my desk. Needs some work. My early concerns that the plants would not fill enough quickly enough to provide a healthy environment has, over mere weeks, become concern that the floating plants will take over the entire 10 gallon space. lol Balance is needed. Nature needs a hand, in this instance, with some healthy pruning, a water change, and some aquascaping. 😀 Work I look forward to. The weekend is just ahead…

The “sunrise” is more a vague gray lightening of the overcast sky. It’s another rainy day. My back aches with it. I take something for that, rather than wait until I hurt so much I’m a seething rage-monster waiting for an opportunity to blow an inconsequential challenge way out of proportion. 🙂 Honestly? A fairly commonplace experience, hardly worth commenting on, certainly not worth bitching about for more than a paragraph, today. 🙂

…It’s already time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, more than a little bit of bitching, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being

More Humans Being More Human

May 14, 2020 //
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I woke more than an hour ahead of my alarm. I crashed on the couch in the living room, hoping to get a bit more sleep, and although that was a successful endeavor, I’m tired today, and cautious with myself. I sat down after meditation, and some yoga, thinking I had something to write about, but it slipped away before I got started. My Traveling Partner woke early this morning too (did I wake him, I wonder?). Instead of bounding into his space and crowding him first thing with chatter, I do my own thing this morning. Unsure what I need for myself, from myself, this morning, I figure the safest bet for a harmonious day together is to focus on taking care of this fragile vessel first thing. I offer to make coffee for my partner, and I do that, then get back to my writing, which now feels… lacking in focus or direction. It’s not the fault of making coffee; I was already “here”, when I offered to make coffee. lol

I’ve got a routine workday ahead. Things to do. Things to manage. Things to analyze. Tasks to process and outcomes to document. Work. Wholly routine shit. I’m not annoyed or disappointed or frustrated – I’m not even complaining. It’s just a Thursday with things to do, and wow – where did this week go??

…I’ve got the munchies and I want a fucking donut. 0_o

…When did we stop spelling donut as “doughnut”?…

I sip my coffee feeling… well… I’m not sure what the name of this emotion is? Resigned-and-purposeful-less-than-ideally-well-engaged-but-okay-with-it-from-a-practical-perspective-mostly-content-and-I-ain’t-even-mad seems about right. Does that have a name? I sigh and have another sip of my coffee. It is what it is, and what it is, is a Thursday in the time of pandemic. I get why people may feel inclined to protest the shelter-in-place and stay-at-home orders; it’s getting old for me too, and I really like being at home. I feel fussy and if not actually bored, definitely yearning to be on the move, elsewhere, seeing things out in the world.

I had cause to run a needful errand yesterday (paper mask, social distancing, and the whole pandemic safety deal). It was pleasant to drive a distance, and return home. It wasn’t the solitude out in the trees that I’ve truly yearning for, but that’s just gotta wait on safer times. It too “is what it is”. I breathe, exhale, relax, and let that go. Another time.

Small frustrations and moments of impatience feel “bigger than they are”, these past few days. I know it is a matter of perspective. This morning I work on resetting my experience by resetting my expectations, and working to hold onto a better awareness moment-to-moment about how human we all are, how hard this is for each of us (for our own reasons), and why it matters. I take a moment to reflect how on much love fills this household, specifically making a point to exclude tense moments and contentious conversation from my thoughts; those moments of emotional weather are not what my life, or experience of my partner, or our relationship, are actually built of. They’re quite rare under most circumstances, and truly not worth blowing out of proportion. I take a moment for gratitude – we help each other out every day, and we’ve gotten so much done over these weeks shut in together. Everywhere I look, finished projects, and quality of life improvements. Nice. I hear my partner in the other room. I smile, and feel warmed all through by my awareness of his love.

This seems like a nice beginning to the day. It’s enough. 🙂

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Categories Allegories, anger, Anxiety, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Giving the New Day a Chance

May 13, 2020 //
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I slept last night. It wasn’t a great night of sleep, but I slept more or less through the night. No bad dreams. I woke fairly well-rested. I feel calm, and generally contented. The morning begins quietly. My coffee is hot, and comforting. I feel ready for the day, generally speaking. It’s a new day. 🙂

Meditation. Yoga. Some exercise. I feel okay. I’m not filled with youthful enthusiasm, and that’s fine. I don’t expect to be filled with energy and verve every morning. It’s enough to feel decently well-rested, and if not merry, at least relaxed and comfortable. I’m not in as much pain as yesterday, which is helpful. My thoughts sneak back to yesterday, wondering “what the fuck?”, and I bring myself back to now, with some firmness and insistence; there is no particular value in revisiting yesterday’s pain from today’s perspective. There is more value in simply being here, now, feeling better. 🙂

…My Traveling Partner did his best to be kind and supportive, yesterday, while also dealing with his own frustrations and discomfort. That could not have been easy. There were clearly verbs involved. I pause the random flow of my thoughts to be appreciative and grateful, and then, again, bring myself back to “now”.

It is a new morning, a new day, and I am making a point to give this day a chance to stand on its own merits. 🙂 A lot of emotional baggage depends on remaining stuck on some past moment, or potential future moment – neither of which are “now”. I spend a lot less time, these days, mired in past or future moments. It’s been a healthy change.

I sip my coffee and think about friends. Family. I wonder how everyone else is doing after weeks at home. My Traveling Partner and I are doing okay. We get on each other’s nerves a bit, now and then, which seems normal enough. Life in the time of pandemic is improved by sharing this time with him. I feel fortunate to enjoy his company. Excusing the occasional moment of crankiness isn’t a hardship; we’re both so human. 🙂

I glance at the time. Such an ordinary morning. Looks like it’s already time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, pain, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Morning Comes

May 11, 2020 //
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Lovely long weekend finally ended. It’s back to work this morning, somewhat reluctantly, maybe, or just a bit disengaged… It’s Monday. I’ll get through this. More coffee? More coffee.

After meditation and yoga, I sit down with my coffee, mulling over the cost of vanity. There’s even YouTube content that’s relevant. Well, generally speaking – it may not be the ideal fit to all circumstances, but it tends to lend itself to general thoughts on the cost of vanity. lol Vanity is expensive. I mean, well… more expensive than being wholly practical. That seems obvious. Aesthetics matter, though; we each have an idea of what we find “beautiful”, and a lot of different things go into that.

…There are more urgent matters. Life in the time of pandemic affects a lot of things we don’t necessarily experience directly, ourselves.

I sip my coffee and my thoughts move on. My mind wanders, seeking any reasonable distraction from the work day ahead. It’s an important day (for my team and I), and a major project moves another step forward. It’s also the busiest day of the week. So much going on! I face the day feeling fairly prepared… but I don’t really want to deal with it yet. Part of the push-pull of my attention here and now is my mind trying to reach for that “work stuff” now, when I have an hour or so still available for me. I breathe, exhale, relax, and let that work stuff go – again.

Good coffee this morning…

I open up my “to do list”, which is entirely focused on things I want (or need) to do (for me, or here at home, but definitely not employment related).  This list has definitely gotten smaller, even though I add to it almost every day; I do more than I add, every week. I look over the list with a certain feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. A lot has gotten done since mid-March, when the pandemic “shelter in place” advisement came for us, here. I eye those “least approachable tasks” with some reluctance. I’m running out of other shit to get done. LOL I give some thought to each remaining task, and consider what about each one has that task still sitting on this list after weeks of doing things here at home. There are things to learn about myself hinted at (shouted?), and it’s worth learning those things.

Another Monday. Another chance to begin again.

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Categories Free Will, gratitude, health, Healthy Living, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being
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