I realized I was awake in the darkness, at some point, and once it was definite, and demonstrably no dream, I checked the clock. 2:22 am. I had no idea why I was awake. There was no light. No sound. Even the glow from the paintings that hang in my room had mostly faded. I felt physically comfortable, not too hot, not too cold, not twisted or stiff, not in any substantial amount of pain… Why was I awake? I probably won’t ever know that. I got up briefly, got a drink of water. Peed. Went back to bed, fully expecting to fall asleep again.

Some time later, I was still waiting for sleep to come. 3:43 am. Knowing the alarm would go off at 4:30 am, and knowing that I felt fairly alert, however inclined to sleep I actually felt, the wiser choice would generally be to just go ahead and get up at that point. I also don’t know why I did not do that. I turned over again, cuddled a body pillow, and “tried again”, feeling fairly certain at this point that sleep would not come; the best I could legitimately hope for would be to rest gently, meditate, and let the alarm go off, since I clearly wasn’t getting up.

When the alarm went off it caught me by surprise. I had at some point dozed off, and although I was not deeply asleep, I wasn’t awake. I got up, showered, dressed, all the usual morning stuff, and went to make my coffee. A most unsatisfying night of something that wasn’t particularly restful, and hardly counts as sleep. I’m irked by that; I have a date planned with my Traveling Partner, and want to be awake and alert for a late night. He understands my issues well enough to be comfortable not living with them. lol I don’t let my irritation with the weird night become “a thing” that might wreck my mood. The morning continues to feel strange and surreal. I find myself wondering how much I actually slept, and then find myself finding it weird that I am wondering that… and realize only then that I haven’t actually looked at that yet, this morning, which is… odd. It is a morning of broken routines, then, is it? Of course. It would be.

I sip my coffee, check my fitness tracker, and feel a certain comfort seeing that, all together, I got more than 6 hours of sleep. I can go all day on that, no problem. That’s something.

The morning feels mildly rushed. I am uncertain “where the time went”. I’m probably not moving through tasks and time quite the usual way. Something definitely “feels off”, but since I’ve no idea beyond that sensation what might be amiss, and actually feel generally okay, I let it go. No need to do root cause analysis on “weird”. Not this morning. 🙂

The best bit of the morning so far, has been meditation, watching the sun begin to rise. Calm, chill, quiet time, without struggle or challenge, without interruption. It’s enough to begin the day with new perspective, however weird the night. I’m having my own experience… I knew my results could vary. 😀