I am sipping my coffee and looking over the payday budget details.

I take a minute to properly appreciate how far I’ve come over the years, and how little stress or anxiety are associated with handling family finances and working with my Traveling Partner to develop (and stick with) a plan that supports us now, and prepares for our future. It feels good to see the bills paid reliably on time, and to feel so little tension (or terror) over money stuff. I give myself a mental pat on the back for a job well done, and offer my partner a silent thank you for his day-to-day encouragement and support, and the many excellent suggestions and strategies that have been part of getting us where we are. Nice to have a functioning partnership with everyone on the same page payday after payday.

Yesterday was a good day. My Traveling Partner and I enjoyed the afternoon together. I got quite a lot done. We enjoyed dinner together and had a pleasant evening – right up until things went unexpectedly wrong in conversation somehow. I’m still not sure what the fuck happened. My baggage collided with his, and the evening ended on an irritated note. Rather peculiarly, I actually got a good night’s sleep in spite of that, and woke feeling rested. I hope he did, too.

The house was quiet and dark when I got up a few minutes before my artificial sunrise could wake me. I had considered working entirely from home today, but seeing that my partner was sleeping, I went ahead on in to the co-work space, and started my day there. I’ve really been enjoying the quiet time this gives me to write without any concern whatsoever that my typing might wake my partner. I had barely seated myself and gotten my workstation logged in when he messaged me asking if I was okay; he remembered I had said I was planning to work from home today. I let him know I’m okay and was simply giving him room/opportunity to get more sleep. He didn’t reply, and I don’t know whether he went back to bed, or is still holding onto anger from yesterday…

…I could let myself get spun over the uncertainty of “where my partner’s head is” this morning… I decide against it and instead I finish the budget stuff, and then get another cup of coffee and enjoy some quiet time writing. Letting myself get carried away with insecurity and anxiety that has its source in untested assumptions is 100% bullshit and I like to avoid it when I can. 🙂

I look over my to-do list for the day (and weekend) ahead. It’s all pretty routine stuff. My partner and my physician are both concerned with various aspects of my current health, and as we all close in on the new year I am feeling more motivated and recommitted to taking care of myself with greater skill. I even picked up a blood pressure monitor to use at home, since there have been signs that my blood pressure may need attention. May as well keep an eye on that. I’ve got a project I want to complete before the end of the year (or at least before the holiday weekend is over) and it has emotional elements, some literal heavy lifting involved, and a fairly profound “letting go of baggage” element to it. Hell, it will even serve to reduce clutter once completed. It is to do with a rather colossal bin filled with my pen & ink journals spanning more than 30 years of my life… they have become more a millstone around my neck than anything of legitimate value, and it’s past time to do something about that. Getting actually started on it is… complicated. I’ve stalled too long. This weekend I’ll want to do that, and then also take down the holiday decorations (as is my practice). I’m glad the rest of my to-do list is all utterly routine stuff like laundry. lol

I’m amusingly excited about cooking these days. It’s amusing partly due to the absolutely mundane necessity of feeding oneself, and partly due to my ongoing eagerness to do so more skillfully, based on healthier recipes and ingredients, while also seeking to focus on calorie/portion control, fitness, and reduced waste. LOL It’s a bit comical, is all. It’s a lot to ask of a kitchen, or any given meal. 2022 saw the addition of the wok to my repertoire, and now the Instant Pot, and some gleaming new stainless steel cookware, too… I’ve got a lot to work with, and a lot to learn. Should keep me plenty busy in 2023. 😀

So… it’s a new year ahead. A new path to walk. How many literal miles on foot will I walk in the year ahead? I managed to average more than 1.5 miles a day in 2022… but… my goal was quite a lot higher than that, and I only hit my goal 57 days out of 365. I could have done better – and I could have done more. I’m not shaming myself or giving myself a hard time, just taking a closer look and recognizing where I came up short. I did find a local walking trail that could be a really good choice for close-to-home walking (just getting in the miles) that doesn’t look at all crowded, and appears well-maintained…so… there really isn’t any excuse not to get off my ass and onto my feet for a couple miles every day. I mean, aside from pain or “running out of spoons” – and I already have a long-standing commitment to myself not to let pain call my shots. 🙂 My results vary. (How very human.)

…How many spoons in a mile…?

It’s time to begin again.