I am enjoying a gentle quiet evening. There is soft music playing, an old favorite. It is Mozart’s “Eine Kleine Nacht Musik”. I am thinking over what I will make for Thanksgiving Dinner. I find myself thinking of all that I am grateful for; there’s no point saving that endeavor for just one day a year. I relaxed awhile reading, and I will likely to return to that some time soon. Reading seems just about the perfect ‘quiet evening activity’… and there are so many books to read.

An autumn evening, a horizon, a quiet moment.

An autumn evening, a horizon, a quiet moment.

I take time to make a coffee – decaf – and enjoy the warmth of the mug in my hands, and the scent of fresh coffee. I can’t type and hold the mug at the same time. I sit for some time holding the mug and feeling its warmth spread through my flesh, before sipping it a few times and setting it aside.

Another way of looking at autumn.

Another way of looking at autumn.

It’s quite a lovely evening. It doesn’t seem to matter much that I am in pain. I make a point of taking care of myself just a bit better than I used to. This fragile vessel is chipped and glued back together, but quite useful, generally. I am sufficiently comfortable to enjoy the evening. Tired. I’ve been tired for days, and I find myself wondering if I am always so completely wiped out after some challenge or another, needing days of chill time and extra sleep to get on with things? I remember something important. I remember that making connections between events in a series, trending things happening in my experience of life, and determining a root cause for life is not relevant, necessary, or important [to me]. It’s actually a fairly significant waste of [my] time that tends to create an emotional investment in some constructed narrative that sounds plausible enough, but isn’t actually in any fashion real.  Instead I take a deep breath, and another, and recognize simply that I am tired. I’m okay with that – it’s simpler to simply be.

I look at the clock. It is quite early. I smile, thinking pleasant thoughts as the evening winds down. I don’t need more than this quiet moment.