I don’t move through life as quickly as I once did. In my twenties life felt a bit like free-falling through chaos: breath-taking, unpredictable, and obviously accelerating…until… Eventually real-life ‘checks our fall’ and often not in a pleasant or gentle way. Tonight I am taking things slowly, and not because I can’t do more faster, but because slowing things down, being patient with myself and with the world, and being aware of my experience as an actual living breathing emotional conscious being is a better way to treat myself. I don’t need to justify that, or excuse it; how I treat myself is mine to decide upon, to practice, and to live with.

mushroom

Why rush living?

My routine is disrupted by adjusting my work hours to cover a colleague’s vacation time. I don’t mind that – what better reason could there be to adjust my schedule than time off? Anyone’s time off, really. I think most of us probably spend way too much time ‘at work’; I’m a big fan of human beings investing in their leisure, savoring their lives, and living their experience awake and aware, and well-rested. Humanity has so much more to offer than servitude. The change in schedule is hard on me, though, and I found it peculiarly difficult to figure out my day’s workload – as though a Monday is somehow different because it started at a different hour. lol Work was the least of my day, today, and that’s as it should be. Although I was too busy during the day for anything but tasks related to work, I arrived home from the chilly walk home to a cozy apartment, warm, and glowing with friendly, welcoming light. I did more than the usual amount of Monday housekeeping this morning, and forgot all about it during the workday. Home isn’t just welcoming and warm tonight – it’s neat, and orderly, and there’s really nothing much to do this evening besides relax and enjoy the woman in the mirror.

It’s been long overdue, most of a lifetime; I am finally at a place in life where taking care of me is a very high priority. Today I definitely followed through. It’s a lovely evening to enjoy it. I miss my traveling partner, and find that I sometimes strangely feel as if he’s ‘just in the other room’ – that persistent deep and enduring connection is with me, even when he is not.  It’s nice.

I am my own cartographer.

I am my own cartographer.

It isn’t a fancy or complicated evening…but then…it doesn’t have to be. I can choose something different. I can choose to be patient with myself. I can choose to be kind to myself. I can choose to slow down and enjoy the journey.