Are you a Republican? A Democrat? An “Independent”? A “liberal”? A “conservative”? “Right wing”? “Left wing”? Progressive? A “nationalist”? A “patriot”? Among the “faithful”? An atheist? A “free-thinker”? Cis-gender? “Gender queer”? Non-binary? Are you a “social justice warrior”? A “snowflake”? A capitalist? A socialist? A communist? An anarchist? Neurotypical? “On the spectrum”?
Are you fused with an identity, seeing yourself as part of a specific limited group with specific challenges, limitations, requirements, rights, or burdens to bear that no one else can understand, and everyone else stands against? Have you divided the world into “us” and “them”?
That’s a lot of work. Maintaining the details of identity moment to moment, protecting it, shoring up the details of that internal narrative overtime and through conflict sounds like a lot to take on. Does it have real value? Are you that, and only that? Really? Are you even actually definably that at all?
I woke up this morning thinking about pigeonholes, identity, definition, and the way Β I can so easily limit myself by becoming fused to just one element of my experience, potentially even building road blocks on my journey through life that may not have been there, in fact, at all. We make up most of our understanding of our own experience (and who we each are) out of “thin air”. Who are you? What matters most about that person in the mirror? If life ended in this moment, right now, no time to prepare – and in the next, strangers were going through your things – what would they learn about you? Is that the legacy you want left behind? What is your truth?
Who are you? Who am I?
My visit with my therapist yesterday was productive, and peculiarly comfortable and celebratory. I heard words I’ve never heard from a therapist before. “Well… do you want to just give me a call in a few weeks, if you want to see me again? I don’t think we need to schedule anything regular…” That’s probably not verbatim. I recall the moment more than the words.
Well. So, I guess I adult decently well these days. That’s… scary and cool. Who am I? The woman in the mirror doesn’t look different to me. There’s a thread of recognizable self that reaches back all the way to my earliest memories. I’m not any of the things it is so tempting to grasp to fill out some sort of “profile” of self-ness, though. It’s a strange awareness. I could say “I am…” and begin a long list of all the qualities and characteristics that could be used to identify me, but I am not any one of those things. If I allow myself that moment to fuse with some one characteristic or quality of my experience (“anarchist”, “liberal”, “progressive”, “survivor”, “veteran”, “woman”, “artist”…), I seriously undermine my experience of self. There’s so much more to me than any one quality.
I decide to stop wearing any labels, at least today, and enjoy that feeling of wholeness, of being human, of simply being. If we could each stop dividing our experiences into “us” and “them”, we could begin to change the world.
Isn’t it time to begin again?
Yes! This is so true. The labels we give ourselves or accept from others are just that – labels.
Labels are nouns, frozen in time, and rigid because, well such-and-such is this and isn’t that.
There was a scholar Alfred Korzybski who’s known for pointing out that “The map is not the territory”. It means that nothing is every fully identical with its label anyway.
I’ve been experimenting with verbs instead of nouns. Verbs are so much more alive, and yes, subject to change so they can be up to the moment.
Thanks,
Vincent
I love Korzybski’s work! Old school. β€ Thank you, Vincent. Very much.
Yes we could indeed, change the world. I will need to ponder this, I really like the non-labeled world that you speak of!!!
By the way, CONGRATULATIONS on adulting so well that your therapist is “kicking you to the curb”!!!! πππ
Seriously though, after reading your blog now, for so long, I salute you and wanted you to know that I understand what an IMMENSE, HUGE, WELL DESERVED accomplishment this is! I actually don’t know if I’ve ever known any one individual so committed to self awareness, self exploration and, self honesty. The self honesty is the most brutal, eye opening, painful, beautiful and amazing part. (My own opinion) I’ve “seen” you stumble, fall back a few steps, get back up, dust yourself off, acknowledge what occurred, and go on. “Begin again”. Never stopping, never giving up, always continuing on. I know that all of this is an ongoing process, that you’re not “done” but, DAM, E.H.!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!
As per usual, I will forward this to my oh-so-very-few treasured people, and I know that they will smile, and celebrate this with you!!
Once again, I thank you MOST SINCERELY, for sharing your journey. It is inspiring, it is real, you make a difference.
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Thank you! I’m glad you find value in sharing this experience with me. π I figure I serve myself best to enjoy this small victory while the moment lasts – I have no illusions that my injury is “gone” or that somehow a lifetime of chaos and damage is all nicely and quite permanently tidied up; impermanence is also a thing. This too will pass. LOL Tonight, after a rather noteworthily crappy day (for no obvious reason), I am taking time to just enjoy a pleasant moment, and celebrate survival, and change. π Even at this late hour, I can take a moment and find a way to begin again, if I will only allow myself to give it a try. π