Low

I’m not sure “where my head is at” this morning. I’m feeling a bit low. It’s a rainy morning, but also a pleasant one, mild, lush, and lovely. I slept well. It’s Spring. Roses are blooming. Birds play in the pear trees beyond the window of my studio. My work calendar is not overly loaded. It’s a fairly routine work day as things stand now. Nonetheless… I feel a bit disengaged, and… yeah. “Low” describes it well. I could as easily curl up in a blanket and weep for awhile as finish this cup of coffee, go to this next meeting, and tackle this work day.

I have another sip of my coffee, and stare out the window awhile. The chemistry of being human is sometimes complicated stuff… it’s not always about anything “real”… or, at least no more real than that. It’s certainly not “personal”, beyond being this one person’s experience.

I keep trying to shrug it off. I change the music I am listening to (“change your playlist; change your mind?”). Somehow, I manage to select more music that seems to underscore the mood, instead of changing it. I feel rather as if my actual physical body does not want to feel differently than I feel now; I resist the attempt to change how I feel, again and again.

Another sip of coffee. Another breath. Another moment to begin again…

…again.

I suppose I’ll just keep at it. I already know, in advance, that this too will pass. 🙂