I am sitting comfortably with my discomfort, this morning. Stuffy head. Arthritis pain. Headache. The coffee is good, though, and I sip and smile; each sip brings back the recollection of the handy tool my Traveling Partner made for me. My coffee-making is improved with its use, and I am reminded every morning that I am loved. 🙂 It’s nice.

A small wooden tool for scraping the fine coffee grounds clinging to the inside of the grinder’s receptacle; no more stale grounds mixed with fresh!

This morning I am making a point to simply enjoy this moment. Quiet morning. A few relaxed minutes of self-reflection and writing before work. A good cup of coffee. I made coffee for both of us (my Traveling Partner and I are both up), and took mine into the studio for this quiet moment. I am considerate of how uncomfortable I am to be around when I hurt this much. I need that chill time, too. It’s good for me, and I’ve been sort of falling down on that, for myself. So.

My Traveling Partner pops in for a moment with kind words and loving touches. He rubs my neck, finding that particular section he knows is the worst of it. He is kind and encouraging. We both recently found renewed interest in VR (a fun source of indoor exercise when the weather turns crappy, as it has), and he comments as he leaves the room his hope that more/other exercise may help my neck. He’s not critical, nor nagging; we’re both aware that although my injuries and pain aren’t caused by my general lack of “fitness”, they’d reliably be at least somewhat eased by improvements in my fitness (and in some cases potentially resolved). That’s just real. I know it, too, because I’ve lived this experience and I’m okay with the truth of it. Sometimes that’s uncomfortable. Truth often is.

I sigh out loud and notice the creeping chaos on the fringes, around me. I notice that I’m slouching and pull myself back upright. I notice the unevenness of my shoulders, and relax them. I take a deep, full breath, noticing how much room for it there is in my lungs. I give a moment of thought to the day ahead; we’re almost out of coffee, and I wonder if there is time in the day to run up to the roaster that has the beans we enjoy the most – before tomorrow morning.

I find myself thinking about reality vs virtual reality vs video games vs watching tv, and chuckle to myself unsurprised to remind myself again that if I spent even half the time I spend watching video content on tv just doing things – any active things – I’d be in much “better shape”, generally, and probably “have my shit together” ever so much more. I mean, I do okay. I’m not being cruel to myself on a Thursday morning, I’m simply aware that effort exerted is results achieved. I think back on recent video content… something to do with conscientiousness, something else about focus, something about habits… I feel fortunate to live at a time in human history when it is so easy to educate ourselves, and to feast upon knowledge.

…As a female human being, even in the 21st century, there are places in the world where I would not even be permitted an education at all. I sip my coffee and reflect on that grim truth for a moment.

My eye wanders to the wee clock at the bottom right of the screen in front of me. It’s almost time to start the work day. Another chance to begin again. Today, I’ll make a point of balancing the doing and the being, and do my best to be both active and self-aware. In this much pain, that’s a big goal. I’ll do my best. I’ll use some verbs, one moment at a time.