This morning I woke rather abruptly, uncertain of the time. Just at that moment, my silent alarm went off; the lights came up, and it was clearly “morning”. Time to get up, start a new day… just… give me a minute… I sat there for 2 or maybe 3 minutes before I moved at all. This is probably pretty routine for a lot of people. For me, not so routine – I usually get up when I wake, and start doing something, if only getting dressed and taking morning medication. This morning I was stricken with brain fog, and rather stupidly pre-occupied with a work matter that I can’t do a fucking thing about until later. Quite a bit later, actually. Shit.

My Traveling Partner was already up, himself. He is awake and preparing to go back to the service provider who installed the lift kit on our truck; they did it incorrectly, and the manufacturer of the lift kit has confirmed that. Time to have our service provider make it right. :-\ I don’t envy my partner’s mission, and I definitely get how it affects his mood, which is to say, relatively notably (he’s understandably pissed off). Sucks that this is where his day begins. (Also sucks that it is where our day ended yesterday evening, when he got the email from the lift kit manufacturer confirming the installation requirements.)

My brain was way too foggy to be a skillfully helpful and supportive human this morning. I felt wholly distracted (and not productively) by work shit. I felt impatient with my Traveling Partner’s continued focus on the truck, the lift kit, the annoyance that it was installed incorrectly. I earnestly wanted to “empty my mind” and just … be. The brain fog was not helping. I got my shit together (everything was already laid out and ready to go for the morning before I went to bed) and quickly left for the co-work space as I would on a morning when my Traveling Partner was not awake. I managed to hurt his feelings by doing so, instead of sitting down for coffee with him. Fuck.

…But if I had stayed? Things almost certainly would have gone sideways, sending me to the office crying, instead of just brain foggy. I know this fragile vessel well. I mean, I could be wrong, but I really didn’t want to find out the hard way…

Now I’m sipping coffee (office coffee – pretty dreadful), and trying my best to properly wake up to start the work day. I am less than ideally successful. The brain fog is … persistent.

In spite of waking up spontaneously and rather abruptly this morning, I feel as if I could so easily just go back to sleep… my mind wanders, distracted and lacking focus, and the brain fog prevents any particularly productive or useful thinking. I find myself, again and again, sitting quietly, fingers poised over the keyboard, motionless. Some days this might be the result of very much preferring to do my own thing, write, paint, hike – anything but work. That’s not the case this morning. It’s not a choice between working and not that has me stalled. It feels more like my brain just isn’t engaging fully in the new day, just… at all. lol Rough.

Today feel like it may be a battle just to put one foot in front of the other, or to process a task and move on to the next. Begin again? Who am I kidding? I’ve barely begun in the first place! LOL Fuuuuuck. So… now what?

…I guess I’ll just have to keep practicing…