Archives for category: autumn

I spent a lot of years avoiding things that were an effort.  I like ‘easy’. lol. It could be assumed that I was not at the starting line of any ‘fun run’, at any time, anywhere.  Funny how change works, isn’t it? I feel differently about a lot of things.  So many things are better simply because I recognize, and accept, even expect that there is effort involved, before I even get started on something.

As recently as 2009 my life and choices had taken me to a place where I was uncomfortably ‘over weight’ – meaning to say I was uncomfortable with my weight at that time, didn’t feel healthy, and experienced a loss of mobility, as well as a lot of pain and discomfort, because of my weight and general lack of fitness.  I have come a very long way from that place in my life.

I started with a simple enough commitment – I didn’t want my weight to be what killed me – and a plan; I would be less efficient, and exert more effort, and eat what I needed to support good health, and my goal weight.  It was pretty drastic to reduce my calories so much, and to push myself to do… well, anything.  I started small… a trip to a local farmer’s market, a walk of less than 3 blocks, up a gentle incline.  I’ll admit it was actually damned difficult, but I felt so good doing something.  It was even something I’d wanted to do for a long while and had avoided.

I’ve gone on to lose more weight, and I’m pretty close to my goals for weight, and fitness, now.  Better than that – I mostly feel pretty good, and pretty fit, and I easily commute on foot (about 5 miles a day) and consider myself decently active.  I’m ready for a ‘next step’… and it is going to be the Worldwide WP 5k!  I’m pretty excited, actually. I’ve got my route picked out (3.2 miles). I’m hoping to take pictures of this and that, and perhaps a few other things. I’ll take along my camera, rather than relying on my cell phone. 😀

I’m just a little surprised to be so eager to do this… eager feels good. 😀

...the map is not the world, but having a map can make a journey easier.

…the map is not the world, but having a map can make a journey easier.

It’s a nice enough morning, I guess. I slept rather restlessly, woke a couple of times, and the alarm seemed to come too soon. The headache of yesterday is little more than a dull reminder of my human frailties, lurking in the background this morning. My arthritis is kicking my ass, though.  As I sit and contemplate the imminent dawn, a downpour begins, hammers on the skylights, and passes on. I feel a little cross and out of sorts, without reason – unless pain is reason enough. Is it? lol

I’m okay. Neither wildly excited about the day, nor truly discontent; I sip my latte unenthusiastically and watch the minutes tick by quietly. My thoughts lack focus or theme. I am letting my consciousness coast, and observing the comings and goings of my thoughts.  This is, as yet, a raw and unformed day; it could go a number of ways, and there’s no obvious tendency or trend, yet. This, by itself, is very interesting… I’m not sure I’ve ever been aware of this sort of moment before.

This morning, each breath is a beginning, and a pause, a moment of its own. I wonder where the day will take me?

Wherever the journey leads, it is mine.

Wherever the journey leads, it is mine.

I woke this morning filled with profound love; thoughts still ringing from love songs in my dreams.  The dawn came later than I expected, heavy with gray clouds and subdued by morning mist.  Quiet time with my thoughts of love and romance, and an excellent latte, preceded a lovely walk to the office.  I found myself wondering as I walked ‘is this what ‘whole’ and ‘well’ feel like?’

I am enjoying my experience.  It isn’t ‘perfect’ – whatever that may mean.  For now, ‘perfect’ doesn’t matter, because it isn’t real.  My arthritis is kicking my ass this week; I am in serious pain.  My headaches have been unusually severe, and frequent.  I am discontent, professionally, and often struggling much harder with my personal demons from day-to-day than I hope to in the future.  None of that stops today, right now, from being really quite nice.  (I re-read that sentence, and wonder how long I could have been simply enjoying my life in spite of the chaos and damage, had I understood the possibility existed?)

So… on with the day.  Love songs and delightful moments still lingering in my thoughts, and since they are really too personal to share I will share some of this morning’s pictures, instead.

No matter how small our world may appear to someone else, it is everything we know, ourselves.

No matter how small our world may appear to someone else, it is everything we know, ourselves.

The autumn garden has its own needs, and its own beauty.

The autumn garden has its own needs, and its own beauty.

This morning, the work and the tools, take a back seat to experiencing now.

This morning, the work and the tools, take a back seat to experiencing now.

 

 

This is a nice one, too. A great latte, almost gone now. A great article on feminism attentively read over the rim of the warm porcelain coffee mug.  The trickle of the aquarium in the background, and the stillness of the sleeping household is interrupted only by soft footsteps on the roof  as the cat creeps across. I look up to see her peering through the skylight inquisitively, but I am not fast enough with my camera, and she slips away as quickly as she came, on her way to other cat endeavors.

It is a nice morning for mindfulness, for observations, and for experiencing the moment.  It’s easiest with the nice moments, isn’t it? 🙂

I woke in the night, around 1:30 am, although I don’t know what woke me. Maybe nothing.  I woke again, earlier than I cared to on a weekend day, around 6:30 am or so, to what I thought was the sound of laughter, but once awake, the house was quiet.  I lay awake watching fish swim for a little while, then meditating.  It is a very pleasant way to get the day started.

As I contemplate what else I might share, the household begins to awaken, and the real living of my life beckons me enticingly.  It’ll be hard for the day to measure up to the morning, and I know this is one to enjoy, arms wide to embrace the world, eyes open to see the wonders of it, and enough words at the ready to share the experience, later.

Enjoy all the day offers you – or try again tomorrow! I hope you have a wonderful day. 🙂

What delights could the day hold?

What delights could the day hold?

Autumn is coming. I can feel it as my morning routine shifts and changes with approaching colder weather. Funny to say that, the morning after a 90 degree day, but I feel it. I feel a little slower this morning. My bones ache where arthritis has already settled in. I feel stiff and tired, and lingering in the shower, while refreshing, did nothing to improve my range of motion this morning. My head ‘feels foggy’ too, as though my body woke without letting my mind know. My latte tastes wonderful, and feels necessary. The sky is still dark, although I’ve been up now for nearly an hour. So, this morning, a slower start.

I’ve started playing SuperBetter. (Wow, that seems completely off topic, somehow…) I’m not sure what else to say about that. It seemed worth commenting on at the moment I brought it up, but I am still a bit groggy from staying up later than I usually do… and now I don’t recall why I mentioned it. lol. It’s a cool game, though, that brings self-work into the gaming arena.  I’m finding that it makes staying focused on improvement, growth, and change feel fun and rewarding, where so often it can feel a bit isolating and frustrating [for me].

Anyway… another work day. Another day for love, Love, and romance. Another day. By itself, that’s enough most of the time, isn’t it? 🙂

Oh, right… it’s September 11th.  I’m American. I could say something about that, but my opinion, once heard, can’t be unheard – and often my opinion on such matters is less well received than I expect it to be. lol. Why trouble you with it now? We can talk about it tomorrow, or the next day, or perhaps sometimes when it seems harmlessly apropos. Today, pundits will fill the airwaves with their opinions, and some portion of the world will listen, and repeat it as original thought, or nod along as to the beat of music no one else can hear, and everyone will go on with their day satisfied with themselves, and feeling righteous, patriotic, and justified.  I don’t know how much of that is really a good thing… I dislike knee-jerk patriotism. (When people dance like puppets, I’m pretty sure there’s someone pulling the strings.)  Suffice it to say that I don’t find violence as a political solution any more effective, appropriate, or acceptable than it is as a relationship building tool for individuals.

"9-11" 2001

“9-11” 2001

Enough about that. How are you, today?  Do you find that your peers, friends, and loved ones respect you and treat you with consideration, compassion, and affection? Have you found the balance between life and work that fulfills you, and provides you with adequate resources to pursue your passions in life? Do you feel ‘successful’? Did you wake up eager to face a new day, with a smile, or a song in your heart? Were the first words you heard today words of encouragement and love? Are you ‘happy’? Are you content? Is your relationship with yourself more about delight… or criticism? Do you have a plan? Do you have a Plan B?

Sometimes there is real value in slowing myself down for a moment, and letting my brain catch up with the rest of me. The unanswerable questions about you, out there, somewhere else in the world, enjoying the dawn, or sleeping through it, do that for me nicely. Thanks for ‘being there’ for me. 😀  I pose these questions relevant to you, but of course they are also questions to answer about myself, aren’t they? (Nice one, Brain, way to sneak in some quality introspection. lol)

This sort of chaotic mental wandering is what happens when I write before I’m quite awake. lol.  This morning I’ll have a second latte before I head to work, and take a few moments alone, content, and serene as the dawn unfolds.