Archives for category: Healthy Living
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These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

October 12, 2013 //
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It’s been the sort of day that just keeps dropping precious moments and opportunities to delight in one or another favorite thing or favorite place or favorite activity…so much so that, just at the moment, I’m not sure if any one of the day’s wonders are really ‘a favorite’ or if it is just the feel of the day.

Paperweights and Porcelain

Paperweights and Porcelain…

…A quiet morning, a great latte, a good conversation with an old old friend, a trip to a local farmer’s market, biscuits and gravy for breakfast, crisp fall apples, learning things from artisans, reading a moving story, enjoying my aquarium, a brisk walk on a fall day, gentle service to home and family – these are a few of my favorite things.

Enjoying the weekend. Another favorite thing.

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Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships

Level Up!

October 11, 2013 //
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Today is very chill and lovely so far. Calm. Quiet.

In fact, there’s a lot of that, lately, in my individual experience. It’s a nice change from a lifetime of internal turmoil. Much of it is the result of applying intellect and will to studies that actually have the potential to get that result in the first place;  turning my attention away from analysis and introspection, and turning it toward mindfulness, observation, and meditation.  A lot of it is the result of new skills, new understanding of self, of others, of key concepts – like ‘taking care of me’, consent, and compassion. Some of it is simply allowing wounds to heal at all, rather than continuously picking at the scars and constantly inflicting new trauma on myself by way of OPD (Other People’s Drama) and the media-focus on shock and alarm.

I am learning to set real boundaries that make sense for me, and to manage them and communicate them clearly.  I am learning which of my challenges are a byproduct of my brain injury, and which are a result of emotional trauma; child abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence have all had their moment, and it can be a lot to sort out.  I am learning skills and tools that address my emotional and physical needs, and encourage and support real long term healing.

That all sounds amazing – feels amazing, too, when I take a moment to feel the progress, value it, and appreciate it. Mindful gratitude, and self-compassion get major points on the scorecard when I look at how much has changed over the past few months. So… time to ‘level up’!

Sometimes a high score is about more than a number.

Sometimes a high score is about more than a number.

Gamification is no joke, and it has certainly played an important role for me by applying it to both rehabilitation (to whatever extent that can be accomplished on a TBI that is decades old), and to clearing some odd emotional hurdles resulting from ancient pain, personal demons, and poor programming.  Healing and growing and becoming… it is a puzzles with many pieces.

Here it is Friday. The household begins to wake. Soon the quiet will be replaced with love, and conversation, and the activities of the day.  Today, I will select my tools with care, and share my heart fearlessly with my loves.  Today I will change my world.

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Categories Anxiety, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress

Restless Nights, Contented Days

October 8, 2013 //
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Another strangely restless night, although I woke feeling refreshed and calm when it was done. Three days of disturbed sleep, now – or is it four? Why am I counting? Had I slept deeply and well for so long that this really seems… unusual? Wow. That’s an interesting way to reflect on real progress, growth, and change. lol.

This morning I don’t have much to say. I’ve a nice cup of coffee, not the best beans – so not the best brew. I’m satisfied with it, nonetheless. It doesn’t take that much this morning; I am content.

Rather than type a thousand words, I’ll share some pictures this morning and hope they carry something of value into your day. 😀

The last of the autumn roses, at dawn.

The last of the autumn roses, at dawn.

Down the road, across the field, along the way; here, too, autumn.

Down the road, across the field, along the way; here, too, autumn.

Autumn in suburban treetops.

Autumn in suburban treetops.

Autumn is my favorite season. It isn’t just the colors as the leaves change, it is something about the quality of light, the scents in the air, the feel of morning fog, and afternoon sunshine, a difference in the way the rain falls – or is it something else? I only know it is my favorite, and here I am with another autumn day ahead of me, filled with potential.

Today I will enjoy the joy I feel without reservations or fear that someone will come along and ‘take it all away’.

 

 

 

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Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Menopause, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Sleepless Nights

One Foggy Morning

October 6, 2013 //
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I woke this morning after a night short on hours, long on dreams, and restless, very restless.  I woke a number of times during the night, returning to sleep with little effort.  My dreamscape was lively, surreal, and oddly persuasive on a number of random details that now seem to rate further thought by daylight.  I woke very groggy, to the strident beeping of my infernal alarm clock – it is rare to be asleep when it goes off, and it isn’t my preferred way to wake up.   I dragged my sluggish body down the hall and dumped myself in a cooler than usual shower hoping to find a legitimate state of waking consciousness I could count on for the start of the work week, and afterward made what can only be called the worst mocha ever made, which I steadfastly consumed without (until now) complaint.

I settled down to meditate, and didn’t get far with that; one of my loves joined me for morning coffee and conversation. We don’t overlap much with our schedules, he and I, and any time we have together is precious.  Email can wait, chores can wait, writing can wait; I cherish those brief quiet times together, so this morning even meditation took a back seat to love.  I’m okay with that. The time we had to share was so very brief.  Again and again my thoughts return to the morning, and a feeling of mild regret that I wasn’t more awake.  My thoughts ricochet around in my broken brain and I think of “Time Enough for Love” by Robert A. Heinlein. No reason beyond the title, I suspect, but it is an amazing tale of adventure, of love, of living a life wide open to endless possibilities, and above all – of being human.  If Heinlein hadn’t written anything more than the title, he’d have said enough.  I wish I’d known the value of love much sooner in my life.

Foggy morning

Foggy morning

The work day got under way in a most ordinary fashion.  Eventually it will end and I will head home.  If the weather is pleasant, I may repeat my 5k walk of last Sunday, to experience it in nice weather on dry pavement, and to confirm my suspicion that I’m actually sufficiently fit at this point that I could do it easily every week and gain a little more ground toward my fitness goals.  I’m so tired, though… will taking care of me mean getting to bed earlier, tonight, or will I choose, again, in favor of time with my dear ones? (One short night isn’t a big deal.  If I make a habit of it, the cognitive and emotional consequences become obvious pretty quickly!)

I’m still feeling a bit foggy.  Sleep would be good… but it is hours away,  In the meantime, work, and later chores, and assorted tasks on a lengthy ‘to do’ list, compete with any hope of an early bed time. lol. Welcome to adulthood.

It is a lovely sunny day, now.  I’m still thinking about sleep, and love, and romance, and how to bring new tools and skills forward into my every day experience.

…Oops…I’ve run out of words. lol. I’ll be back with more soon… In the meantime, I plan to go forth and live well and with compassion.  How about you?

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Categories autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Sleepless Nights

Childlike Wonder

October 4, 2013 //
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Yesterday I took some time for me, and spent it in the world, eyes-wide with childlike wonder – thus the title, right? 😀

The day began with dense fog, and a feeling of uncomplicated freedom.

Dawn looking very much as if it got a bit behind on creating a new day.

Dawn looking very much as if it got a bit behind on creating a new day.

An excellent coffee to warm up at my downtown transfer point became a bite of breakfast – most important meal of the day, and my personal favorite. 🙂

At The Original in downtown Portland.

At The Original in downtown Portland.

Then on to the ‘main event’ – everything worth doing is worth waiting for.

How do waiting rooms always look like waiting?

How do waiting rooms always look like waiting?

As I made my way home, after my appointment, I practiced being ‘in the moment’ and really looking and seeing the world around me.  I saw all sorts of things worth sharing, but didn’t take many pictures.  I had a conversation with a lovely young woman of incredible enthusiasm on a street corner.  She was shilling for a children’s charity.  I am an extrovert.  Those things equal ‘conversation’ in my experience. lol.  It was fun, cost me nothing, and although she didn’t ‘make the sale’, she also didn’t get treated with discourtesy or disregard, and lively banter was clearly in her skill set.

I had an interesting life lesson on perspective, beauty, and the fanciful delights the world offers up for appreciation when I open my eyes to it.  Two very different pictures of very different sorts of beauty.

I still don't know what these are, but wow are they fancy!

I still don’t know what these are, but wow are they fancy!

These are wow - and fancy - as well, and so very different from the complex natural beauty of a flowering vine.

These are wow – and fancy – as well, and so very different from the complex natural beauty of a flowering vine.

I’m not sure what to say about either, or both.  I know that I was equally delighted with the alien swirls of the strange vine as I was with the mad sparkle of crazy high-heels with glittery rhinestones.  I don’t plant invasive vines in my garden, and I don’t wear killer high-heels on my feet.  Appreciating their beauty is not relevant to that. 😀

…And here it is Friday. The day has barely begun with a lovely morning of sleeping in, followed by a quiet sunrise and a tasty latte, some love, some literature, some meditation. This is a brand new day that has barely begun to unfold.  So much potential. 😀  I hope to make wise choices, to speak with compassion, and to act with love.

 

 

 

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Categories Anxiety, autumn, Brain Injury, Healthy Living, Logic & Reason, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress
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