Archives for posts with tag: autumn memories

Today I ventured forth in the late afternoon, for an appointment.  I felt tired, and I hurt, but some of these appointments are pretty hard to get, and rescheduling them is harder still.  When I stepped out into the chill of autumn, I felt a little foolish about my initial reluctance – I love fall! The bite in the air, the damp of passing drenching rains, and long hours of drizzle, the many lush greens, and bold russets and golds as the leaves begin to turn, the shhhh-shhhh of cars passing on rainy roads; all of it delights me and I feel recharged, energized, and inspired.

Walking my autumn path

Walking my autumn path

The afternoon was made more enjoyable by the power of love itself.  See, for years and years I just didn’t wear a coat. I didn’t always have one. Couldn’t always afford one. Didn’t always understand that having one represented ‘taking care of me’ on those cold days when being human isn’t enough to be warm and comfortable without one. (I’m a little embarrassed now and again, as I understand more about what I wasn’t understanding. lol. So far, being embarrassed hasn’t proven to be terminal, or particularly injurious.) Back to the coat, though… it is love. Funny that a coat could be love, but there it is.  One of my dear loves, who has put an unimaginable amount of devotion into supporting and nurturing me as I wade through my chaos and damage, took me shopping one winter for a coat. I needed one, and we live in a place that has a bit of winter every year.  He was so gentle and encouraging, and it was this amazing fun adventure together… every time I wear my coat, I feel wrapped in his love.  Today I walked, smiling, wrapped in my coat against the chill, wrapped in my memory of love protecting me against fear and insecurity.  It has been a lovely autumn day.  😀

I got to my appointment… I really fought to get this appointment, with this doctor, and hilariously all the fuss and bother amounted to a 10-minute experience… and one photograph of the gray autumn sky from the 8th floor of the VA hospital, eastward, across the river.  How many 10-minute appointments does it take to pay for a million dollar view? lol

The view was worth the trip.

The view was worth the trip.

I am tired. It’s evening. I’m out of words for now. 😉

I’m having an unusually chill morning, without it being overly cheery.  I feel good, comfortable, reasonably balanced and satisfied with the day…only… there’s this undercurrent of…something else. Something sort of… a yearning for… more.

I put what little news I am still inclined to read aside before I got further than headlines, this morning, while I sipped my latte. Really there was no point continuing. I almost immediately felt that I was ‘being set up’ for an argument I didn’t care to have.  I ended it quite efficiently, and rather abruptly, when my consciousness replied with a firm ‘Who says?’ in response to headline after headline. I am clearly in no mood to be pressured by the news makers to think what they want me to think – and since I’ve no reason to be persuaded that the writers of ‘the news’ are any more expert than I am, myself, at reading some small number of purported facts and coming to an ill-informed conclusion, I think I’ll just go with my own. Some small amount of real research regularly reinforces my suspicion that most of ‘the news’ is not at all ‘news worthy’, and in fact is often well-crafted deceit masquerading as information. I’m skipping it today. Why? Because I said so. 😀

The other thing is the mildest taste of impending autumn in the morning air. We still have summer ahead of us, but this morning the temperature wasn’t quite summer, and the smell of watered lawns and dampened leaves hinted at cooler weather in months ahead.  It tends to find me a little nostalgic for things that have been… autumn is generally my ‘favorite season’. So many lovely autumn memories…

…crisp colorful leaves whispering shiff-shiff under my feet as I walk along a the lakeside path, and around through the trees on new route to work…

…a warm dry towel in the arms of a lover, as I arrived home from work on a rainy day…

…unexpected espresso and chocolates after a cold windy walk home on a day when I was feeling cross with the world…

…sleeping in and making love on a stormy November Sunday, listening to the wind howl around the eaves from the safety of my lover’s arms…

…picking out furniture in a new apartment, and the fun of making a home for the holidays happen out of boxes and packing materials…

…sharing tales of past misadventure with a dear friend, and seeing shared experience reflected back from his loving eyes, and laughing with him, or being astonished, as I listen to his tales, words shared between lovers in the security of total trust…

…watching the wind toss the trees from behind a glass patio door, from my lover’s warm embrace, listening to soft words of passion and love, and watching the rain fall, and feeling the irresistible pull of love…

There’s just something about autumn…I’m already yearning for it.  Thinking of love, thinking of romance, thinking of the sorts of day-dreamy wonders and delights that make my heart thump eagerly, wanting more.   I’m not so complicated; I enjoy love, loving, being loved in return.

If only I knew more, better, words to communicate my love… maybe in time for autumn?

...thinking of love, sipping on coffee.

…thinking of love, sipping on coffee.