Mt McLoughlin, Oregon

I am sitting quietly, looking over the most recent pictures from the most recent trip of the most recent weekend. I’m feeling a bit “homesick”, though my home isn’t yet there, and the future is an unknown. I love the sight of the mountain.

Better than television.

I spend time considering whether I will be fit enough for the hike to the summit this year. It’s a hike I think I’d like to take. It seems the sort of thing for terrifically early in the morning on a long long summer day. My thoughts wander with the pictures.

From just a couple weeks ago.

I hurt a great deal tonight, but I’ve got another doctor’s appointment coming up. Fuck middle age. Fuck aging. Fuck pain. lol I guess I’m fortunate to get to find out how fucked aging is, though. The current alternatives are seriously limited. It’s just harder to enjoy my experience filtered through pain; pain narrows my focus, and shrinks my world. Through discomfort I find myself losing perspective. I’m not mad about it, and I’m not giving myself any shit over it, just aware that I hurt enough to be more focused on that, than not, and likely to be cross or short with people, and maybe a little stupid here or there, just being distracted by pain.

I know the drill. I sigh as I sort it out in my head. Some yoga. Physical therapy. Strength training. A big drink of water. A leisurely hot shower. It’s not a cure for pain, but I’ll feel better – and in treating myself well, taking care of me the best I am able to, and feeling even a bit better, I’ll regain some perspective, and enjoy this experience more.

…I’ll probably still be homesick for the mountain. lol 🙂