It’s a lovely Tuesday morning. I spent a couple chill hours over lattes and quiet conversation with a partner, (and friend, and lover) wrapped in harmony and love. I’d call it a delightful start to a nice Tuesday, but actually, I was awake off and on through the night, generally drifting back to sleep pretty quickly after footsteps, a door closing, or the sound of plumbing would bring me to wakefulness. By 4am my day had started; I was awake, meditating, then doing yoga before the alarm went off. Finding charming company, meaningful conversation, and love, waiting for me after I dressed for work was a bonus.
A metaphor? We dug this rose out of the ground last year, but it isn’t giving up.
My favorite April Fool’s prank this year came in the form of a blog post. First rate. 😀 I experienced a range of emotions as I read it, and not only got a relieved chuckle out of finding out I’d been pranked, but also found the content insightful and worthy of further contemplation.
Progress isn’t necessarily about speed, as much as a sense of purpose.
I have begun to understand that the most nurturing and supportive relationship I have, ideally, must be the one I have with myself. Counting on anyone else for that seems less wise the more I learn about treating myself well. I had an interesting moment recently, where it dawned on me that this process of learning to treat myself well, to be more mindful, and to be genuine is rather like falling in love…with me. I didn’t know it would be this way. I find it easier to respect and honor myself, my own values and needs, and my strengths, without having to deny or minimize my weaknesses, or skills where I could clearly use some remedial work. It seems entirely acceptable lately that I’m not ‘good at everything’ or beyond error. Self-acceptance feels pretty fucking amazing. 😀
Sweet spring flowers – what else needs to be said?
Learning to be genuine, and practicing using language in a more clear and simple way, has had the interesting by product of finding myself very alert to evasion, misdirection, spin, and misrepresentation when I listen to people talking. There are some fun bits to that, but now and then I am also faced with really hearing what someone I care about is saying, and experiencing how it can present an uncomfortable moment or two for me, and I’m learning how urgently important it is to take that moment and decide if I want to ‘poke that hornet’s nest’, or observe the experience and let it go. I can choose to be genuine. I can choose to be candid, open, honest and vulnerable. I can’t choose it for someone else. That’s totally ok, too, I’m more than busy enough with me. 😀
A worthwhile moment for loveliness on a Tuesday commute.
The walk in to work was nice, and it felt good to feel my steps, and breathe in the spring scents of flowers and bark dust and mown grass. I saw wee birds at play, slow-but-purposeful snails, and a rather fancy slug. My eyes and my heart were open, and the smile I woke with is still with me. Is life perfect? Nope. Are there moments that leave me doubting some of my choices? Yep. I have some unpleasant moments, and an assortment of challenges, and I deal with pain every day…but I am learning to experience ‘now’ differently, and to value what feels good and to cherish and nurture what meets my needs over time. I’m enjoying being this woman I am – and learning to do that mindfully may be one of the best gifts I have ever set about giving myself.
Being special is sometimes as simple as being who we really are.
Evening Light 