Archives for posts with tag: my best friend

Time Travel

March 6, 2024 //
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I woke during the night rather abruptly. I was “stuck on a thought” that surfaced in a dream, a hint of a recollection that was sufficiently unclear that it “broke the flow” of my dreams. Over my coffee, this morning, I searched my archived emails for a related email thread I was certain existed “in real life” to see if I could clear up the vagueness in my recollection. It wasn’t all that difficult, and I quickly found the email exchange with my recently deceased dear friend that I recalled when I woke during the wee hours. I read it, and one or two that followed it. Now I sit, memories refreshed based on that “there/then” perspective, sipping my coffee and amusing myself with how very like “time travel” this felt. I’d forgotten quite a lot that had seemed significant to me then.

The email exchange, generally, was on themes of love and the work that goes into that, and it’s interesting to me how very much the love between my Traveling Partner and I has continued to deepen and grow over time. I reflect on other partnerships I’ve invested some portion of a life time in, and it has not been the case that those relationships improved, deepened, or grew over time. Rather, it has been my experience of other long-term relationships that they tend to weaken, to grow stale, to become a burden over time, and I would myself wondering (near the end) how it was that joy could so steadily erode between people who were still trying to call it “love” so long after the love seemed to have slipped away.

I am so grateful for this love I share with my Traveling Partner! I see subtle changes over time reflected in my emails with my dear friend. Instead of playfulness becoming aggravation, our playfulness with each other developed further, becoming cherished inside jokes and lasting affection. Instead of romantic passion and lust waning over the years, we continue to yearn for each other’s touch and to reach for each other. The wanting lasts (in spite of occasional circumstances when it is difficult to fulfill those needs). Our understanding of each other has become deeper, more nuanced, more reliably accurate, instead of feeling as if we are “growing apart” experience by experience. I am so fortunate to be in this place in life, with this human being.

…I sit awhile, thinking about love…

I sip my coffee thinking about “where we began”, colleagues, then friends, later lovers, eventually living together… each step further taking us to new places as human beings on life’s journey. Now here we are. I’m glad to continue to share this journey with this human being. No, it’s not always “easy” – but many of things I enjoy most require quite a bit of sustained effort, attention, and continued reinvestment of time and resources. Why would I be surprised that love similarly requires these things? It’s like… one of the best things ever and worth the time and the verbs. 😀 I entertain myself awhile longer, reading tales of this love I share with my Traveling Partner, as told in emails between my dear friend and I. My heart feels lifted. Her wisdom was so helpful at so many steps along the way, too. The wisdom of a good and very dear friend with my best interests in mind is a beautiful and rare thing.

…What a pleasant morning. I reflect on my good fortune, and feel myself wrapped in love as I start my work day. It’s already time to get going on that. Already time to begin again. 😀

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, grief, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, Metaphors, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, The Art of Being

Dream Lover

September 17, 2022 //
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I’m sipping my coffee feeling fortunate, this morning. I feel fortunate most mornings, these days. I am lucky enough to be in love with my best friend. It’s lovely. At this age, I am sometimes less than ideally fit to indulge rapacious lust, and we’re not ducking off to a quiet spot for a quick romp as often as when we first got together (nor as often as we’d probably like). The aches and pains of aging and health-related matters sometimes get in the way of sex. You know what they don’t get in the way of? The love.

“Contemplation” 12″ x 16″ acrylic and iron oxide. August 2011

My Traveling Partner – and titular dream lover, and best friend – steps into the studio and plays with my hair for a moment while I write. It’s a sweet romantic moment. I feel loved. Soon enough, he’ll be in the shop with his son working on this-or-that, and I’ll be on with the day tackling an errand or some housekeeping. Eventually, we will connect again – on a break, or with a question, or simply seeking each other out for a moment of connection without an agenda aside from love and loving. It’s easy in these easy moments to think love itself is easy… there are still verbs involved. There is the ongoing need to practice deep listening, to respect and care for each other, to put in the effort when circumstances are difficult…

…Like this morning, actually. I woke with a ferocious headache that feels a bit as if my brain stem is just… on fire. Yeesh. The pain is an unnecessary complication, and I resent having to deal with it. I manage, however, not to drag that into every interaction (so far), and just deal with it quietly in the background without turning it into a thing all its own. Win! 😀

I woke this morning with this fucking headache, the awareness of which interrupted a lovely dream that I was in my partner’s embrace, entwined naked in bed, sleeping in each other’s arms… yep. I was sleeping, dreaming of sleeping. What the hell? LOL When I woke, though, there was – in spite of the headache – a lovely all-over sort of awareness that I am truly loved. I don’t have the words to describe the emotional context in which I woke – it was wonderful, and since that moment, headache and all, I smile every time I see or interact with my partner. I love that guy. lol 😀

Sweet moments matter. It’s so easy (too easy) to put all the focus on tragedy, drama, and pain, or to become swamped by life’s inevitable chaos. This morning, I let the moment be what it is, and sit with my coffee and this smile. Those matter far more than the headache I woke with. Soon enough, I’ll surely begin again – for now? This moment, this lovely late summer morning at home with my partner, is quite enough just as it is. 🙂

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Coming Home

May 7, 2022 //
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Oh, damn, it feels so good to be home. 🙂 What a lovely moment, returning home to a welcoming embrace, and a wee flower on the geranium in the pot by the front door. 😀

Sometimes the simplest things matter the most.

It was a lovely homecoming. A quiet genial evening together, spent gently. A good night’s rest – finally, after days of restless slumber in a noisy hotel. (Note to self: avoid the room directly above the automatic garage door in that hotel! Lesson learned.) I woke to the smell of coffee, which is a marvelous way to wake up on a Saturday morning. I greet my Traveling Partner, already awake and getting some work done on one project or another, on his laptop. Feels so good to be home, again.

…Next week, I’ve got a business conference far away…

Looks like I’ll be at home for June. July is messy, with a holiday, followed by a few days of business travel, broken up by a week at home in between. So far I’m okay with it, and I honestly don’t think it’ll last as things go; those travel expenses add up, and at some point, I expect folks will become a lot more cautious about spending that kind of money for that sort of thing. This last week, out of a week actually in the office, I only took two meetings in an actual meeting space, the rest were still video conference calls, and of the two meetings that involved sitting down in an office? Yeah, one of those was one-on-one, and the content would just as easily been managed on a call, and the other? The person hosting the meeting still attended by video conference. lol Fairly pointless, generally, although I met some very cool (and quite expert) colleagues in person that otherwise I’d never be acquainted with; we’re in very different fields, with limited opportunity to interact or collaborate professionally. I met them in elevators, or the break area making coffee in the morning, or they just happened to grab a desk near the desk I happened to grab, myself. lol I don’t think this return to office foolishness is as “important” as it is being made out to be, frankly. I do get that businesses pay a lot for their brick and mortar spaces and would like to see those used in some way. Area small businesses used to serving the needs of busy people working in office spaces are no doubt hit hard by the prolonged lack of demand for their presence, due to empty offices, too. Those are clearly not adequate reason to return to the office, for most working people with a choice. Can’t say I blame them. Gas is costly, but it’s not about that element of commuting, really; people value having those precious hours of lifetime back for their own use. That’s just real.

Enough about why I wasn’t at home, and what purpose that serves (or doesn’t). I’m home now. 😀 Feels sooo good.

I woke once during the night. I think it was the quiet and comfortable stillness that woke me. I smiled to myself in the darkness, turned over, and returned to sleep. I woke gently, feeling calm and merry. I’m eager to get into the garden, but quickly discovered the morning is quite a chilly one, so… coffee and writing? Yes, please! 😀 Good to be home.

Dinner last night was kind of “more of the same” – fast food. It’s been days of it, but I was completely wiped out from the long trip back, so “easy” won the internal discussion over “what’s for dinner?” Looking over the pantry and contents of the fridge this morning, I definitely see myself going to the store today… no vegetables. Almost out of coffee beans. My Traveling Partner makes great iced tea, and there’s plenty, but no lemonade to mix into it, and I definitely enjoy iced tea with lemonade. I smile to myself, thinking “happy at home” thoughts.

It’s time to begin again. 😀 There’s an entire day ahead of me, and a lifetime of love.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, Spring, The Art of Being