Archives for posts with tag: my will my way

When I shop for a car, I consider the features that interest me most, and offer me the greatest value. When I shop for kitchen appliances, I check product reviews and closely examine how well the product has performed for other consumers, and consider available options that make one a greater value over another. When I shop for just about anything, actually, I put thought into which specific product, by which manufacturer, with which features, options, or possible later upgrades may be available. I find it remarkable that over a lifetime I have put so much less regard or consideration into how I treat myself, and what my thinking and actions bring to the world…honestly, my value to myself, and to my culture and my planet, has to be vastly more worthy of consideration and great care than a toaster, a home, or a car. Just saying.

It's a big world.

It’s a big world.

Today, in the same small bit of my day that I hold dear, and keep well-tended as ‘me time’, I am considering what I do each day to treat the world well. My thinking isn’t limited to the people, but also to this big ball of metallic rock hurtling through space to which we all cling; what simple things can I do in ways that treat my world just a little more gently, with a bit more awareness for the limited resources we all share, and with an eye on living more sustainably? I am taking time to take a step back from the mirror, to look out the windows of my soul to the horizon of infinite possibilities… Can I do more, better, in my existing experience? Is that also part of taking care of me? I am thinking about something grander in scale than recycling product waste, or composting, or using environmentally safe cleaning products, or purchasing goods with environmentally safe packaging. I am thinking beyond electric cars and solar homes. I am thinking beyond going paperless. I am considering the wellspring of those ideas, the source of the shift in consumer focus that put those things in the marketplace; I am considering my heart, my will, and my commitment. I am considering the content of my thinking, and how to make my intention more real, more clearly manifested in my experience by way of my choices – and my awareness.

It is difficult to experience what is outside my awareness.

It is difficult to experience what is outside my awareness.

This morning, I consider what it takes to hold something in my awareness, mindfully, and to use that awareness to reinforce good choices; ideally, my thinking is that being more aware may result in good decision-making as a consumer, decision-making less driven by advertising, and more chosen by experience, careful evaluation, and well-chosen values. Yes, I think even being a consumer in the world marketplace can potentially benefit greatly from being more mindful. That’s probably more obvious than it felt to me when I first began to consider it this morning. 🙂

Reflecting on life, and the world; what is 'enough'?

Reflecting on life, and the world; what is ‘enough’?

I am looking ahead to living in my studio, and considering what I really need to feel content, satisfied, comfortable and safe? What is ‘enough’? Do I need a 10 ft solid mahogany Queen Anne dining table with a lovely glossy finish, and 8 well-crafted matching chairs? That seems more than a little excessive for a woman who doesn’t prefer big dinner parties, or crowds…but it was something I yearned for when I was younger, and I considered it pinnacle of dining style, myself. That isn’t where I am in life, now. Feeling the distance between self-then and self-now so clearly is sometimes a little strange, but it can be measured in goods, and changes in aesthetic. I recently saw a dining table I found myself liking very much, that suits me now: small, a merry honest birch and a natural finish, ample for two, adequate for four, and…simply enough.  I found it a healthy reminder to maintain a beginner’s mind, even about who I am and what I enjoy; I am not the woman I was 30 years ago. Hell, I’m not the woman I was last year…or yesterday. 🙂

Today is a good day to consider who I am, and how my journey may have changed me. Today is a good day to consider my impact on the world, and how my choices can be of greater value. Today is a good day to deliver on my promises to myself, and to take my future in hand, and craft it more carefully with my will. Today is a good day to participate fully in my experience, and to enjoy the place I choose to hold in the world.

My day started wonderfully well yesterday. Calm, strong, confidant, I enjoyed the walk to the office. Along the way, I passed the spot where someone else, on their own journey, regularly stacks a number of rocks. They are often tumbled down by someone else, on a very different trajectory in life, and that was the case yesterday morning. It touched me and being moved I stood motionless in consideration.

I really find value and a moment of stillness and calm in that stack of rocks, so carefully balanced. I didn’t question that feeling, simply stood and experienced the moment. Then…

I stacked the rocks.

I stacked the rocks.

A humble offering, a moment of gratitude for the serenity that short pillar of balanced stones has offered me so many mornings. As I walked away, I wondered how long it would remain.

On the other side of an extraordinarily unpleasant stressful day at work, during which I had many opportunities to deploy new tools, practice new skills, and discover depths of strength and character I did not know I had within myself, I walked home. I felt aggravated. I felt disrespected. I felt unappreciated.  My walk was aggressive, fast paced, and my heels struck the ground on every step, rather than seeming to move softly over the surface of my experience. I felt angry to the point of wanting very much to define myself as anger.

Then I got to the pillar of stones I had stacked in the morning, still standing there so still and strong. Hot angry tears held back with such discipline during the day spilled out and coursed down my cheeks. I stood, still. I felt my feelings and really gave them the room they need, instead of trying to steady myself and gently hush my spirit. I’d done what I had to, it was finally time for me. I stood and I wept and I felt the strength of my breath, and the simple power of acknowledging choice and will.

I walked on feeling calmed. I got home and my loving family was there to greet me and the evening was gentle and nurturing. Other challenges were set aside for the moment, and we built instead of destroying. No railing against the unfairness of it all, no hours of dissecting the who and the why of every painful moment. I was content to be home, to be safe, to be valued.  As I drifted off to sleep – which surprisingly enough came with relative ease – I heard the voice of a favorite cartoon character in my head “I learned something today…”

Today, I am strong. I am compassionate. I am open to change. Reason? Purpose? Value? I have them in good quantity, and they are my own to make use of as I will.  Today, I will change the world.