Archives for posts with tag: presence is the real gift

What a peculiar day. Busy on the work side, scrambling toward the end of the calendar year. Merry on the personal side – ’tis the season, etc. Ups. Downs. Emotions. Today I had a moment of deep sorrow and self-directed disappointed, in the middle of a morning filled with self-doubt, then, immediately following (even caused by) that moment, I went on to have one of the most moving, intimate, profoundly connected moments of supportive partnership with my Traveling Partner that I can recall in our 10 years together. Seriously, right up there in my top 10 deepest and moved love-infused experiences.

…Never even finished my second cup of coffee. What a day.

Sick fish in the aquarium are not good news, and omg I so did not need that on top of… oh. Hey… interesting. It’s not really “on top of” all that much. Mostly things are pretty okay. Needs are met. Love is enduring. The sky is still blue. I’m okay right now. In fact… aside from feeling a sad acceptance that I may lose some or all of my aquarium fish to illness (and being fairly over the momentary hurt of it, at this point, aside from the bit of sorrow that is what it is)… it’s honestly an okay day. A bit stressful. A bit busy. But… yeah…

The holiday season is here. The cookies I’ve been baking are yummy. I’m okay with the social distancing and staying home stuff, mostly. I do miss my friends. I miss brunches out. I miss even being able to say in any reasonable way that I’d like to visit family. It’s not always easy, but… mostly? It’s not all that different. I just don’t rush off to go here and there on a whim, and I’m sort of mildly annoyed that I can’t yet comfortably really just explore this new community I live in, because… pandemic.

…Things could be much worse. I’m feeling both fortunate and grateful, which turns out to be enough on which to begin again. 🙂

When I was a child, my grandfather would return from foreign travels, frequent travels, and always with some small gift. Those are happy, untroubled recollections, and in some cases, I even still have the gifts. 🙂

My Traveling Partner made it home yesterday, while I was at work. I arrived home some time afterward to the gift of his presence, which was everything I’d been missing, really. We caught up over dinner. We didn’t swap work anecdotes, choosing, instead, to simply be in shared space, comfortable at home, talking about – mostly – clothes, shopping, and things of no particular consequence. He was obviously tired. I’ve rarely seen him so tired. In spite of his obvious travel fatigue, he managed to unpack his bags, do a ton of his laundry, even hanging things, putting things entirely away, and was shining his shoes, when I walked through the front door. It was a joy to just enjoy each other in the few leisure hours on a work night. We talked about going out to dinner, and enjoying an exceptional steak… maybe Friday after work?

He’d brought me a present. I knew that he had – he told me he was, and he’d shared a picture of the box it was in. lol I’m sitting here smiling. Smelling the scent of my “new” perfume – an old classic, one that was one of my favorites when I was younger. It stirs smiles and pleasant memories. 🙂 Miss Dior. I know, I know – that’s not modern at all. Dior’s original fragrance. I’m okay with that. Yes, even if it also puts me in mind of elegant women of some means, and some years. It’s joyful, sweet, delicate – and omg do I have to be careful with how much I use. LOL It’s been awhile since I’ve worn fragrance; a previous partner was so sensitive to scents that I’d drifted away from using any. I could not find any he found acceptable. More baggage to set down, and walk on from. 😀

Another work day, and then, peculiarly, the weekend. I’d forgotten I’d planned to have Friday off. A nice surprise to see it on my calendar.

I finish my coffee with a smile. I’m ready to begin again.