Archives for posts with tag: small things matter

I’m enjoying what seems an unusually quiet morning,  waiting for enough daylight on a dark rainy morning to make out this trail for a morning walk before work. The rain is a soft misty rain that makes no obvious noise on the windshield. An occasional larger drop falls from the branches hanging over head to land with a splat on the window or roof. The loudest sound I hear this morning is my own tinnitus, interrupted now and then with birdsong.

As the sky lightened from black to deep Prussian blue, the rain began to come down harder. So, I continue to wait, now for a break in the rain…

…The darkness dissipates as the day begins…

Yesterday was lovely. My Traveling Partner and I quietly celebrated our now-13-years married, just hanging out and enjoying each other. More elaborate such celebrations need to wait on his complete recovery from his December injury. Progress feels infernally slow sometimes (I imagine even more so for him, an active man in his prime).  I do everything I can – and sometimes push myself beyond my understanding of my limits – seeking to make him more comfortable, and be as helpful as I can in making it easier for him to both rest and heal, and also to stay productive and occupied in a satisfying way. It’s hard sometimes, and I could do a better job of taking care of myself, too. He’s quite helpful there, always considerate of my wellness and likely limits. Good partner, and I am grateful.

…After thirteen years, I am also still very much in love with this man…

The rain makes my back ache fiercely. I add pain medication to my morning medications. It won’t completely resolve the pain I’m in, but it’s certain to help. It’s enough that I should be able to avoid being a bitch because I hurt, and that matters.

I sigh out loud… and begin again.

This lovely chill interlude brought to you by my delightful Traveling Partner who has had about enough of my continuous presence after being cooped up together over a long snowed-in weekend. lol

I’ve got a lovely cup of tea here, no caffeine, just lemon balm. Yum. Next Spring I’ll have my own from the garden. 😀 That sounds nice. Hot tea after a long hot shower. Soothing. Hot tea after a long hot shower on an icy winter day. Comforting.

…Comforting hot tea after a long hot shower on an icy winter day of mostly working from home, while also juggling housekeeping tasks, errands, trying not to work from home (the roads are too icy and not safe to drive into the city, but I did try to get the hell out of the house, unsuccessfully), and caring for my Traveling Partner while he is injured…? Delicious. I just also really really needed an actual proper break for some “me time”. Solitary. Headphones on (without music). Just me, my thoughts, this cup of tea, and a few minutes alone and quiet. Relaxed.

I breathe. Exhale. Relax. I feel the sensation of ease move through my body as the work day gets further and further from “now”. It’s so nice to just sit here quietly. No agenda. Nothing going on. No conversation. No tasks or chores or errands or doing. The verb, in this instance, is “chilling”. Relaxing. Breathing. Any of those will do, nothing fancy or elaborate or requiring a lot of energy. Just this quiet now.

…I know it won’t last, but I am embracing it and savoring it while it does…

I sip my tea thoughtfully.

My Traveling Partner said he hasn’t been able to relax all day because I “seem so stressed”. Yeah, I don’t doubt my energy was dialed way up – all the way to 11, perhaps? I got off to a weird start, by trying to work in a room other than the studio, further from the bedroom, hoping to let my partner sleep in awhile. Then, once he was up, I followed my plan to work from the local library, which I easily got to over roads far icier than I realized, and once there I found myself wondering if I’d be able to also make it home (ice storm warning for mere hours later). Instead, after a brief consult with my Traveling Partner, who wanted me safe more than he wanted me gone, I headed home, stopping by the store for additional provisions on the way.

I got home, unpacked, and got to work… and got called that I’d left my purse at the damned store. Back out in it, and picked up burgers for lunch uncertain when that would be possible again, and on back home to enjoy lunch with my partner, then… back to work. Again.

My work day was fractured into tiny (but still productive) pieces. I hit that level of productivity by just banging that shit out, firing on all cylinders, doing the things! I probably did “seem stressed”. I wasn’t feeling any sort of anxiety that was obvious to me, or any amount of perceptible (to me) negative stress, but the only way to get through the work that needed doing today was to dig deep, and work fast and efficiently, at what would admittedly be an “unsustainable” pace. No slack. No real breaks other than those that took me from my office chair to do errands, housekeeping, or to care for my partner. Nothing much for me, at all, except a latte from a drive through cafe that went cold before I could drink it because my day was crafted of pure chaos.

…I’m glad it is behind me, and I’m enjoying this quiet moment with this cup of tea. It’s enough. I needed this so much. 😀 I tell myself there is no way my Traveling Partner can “sense” this state of relaxation settling over me from another room, but… it often seems that he totally can. I hope it helps him enjoy his evening more than he enjoyed his morning. 😀

Knowing I’ll likely need to work from home for the rest of this week, due to the freezing weather, ice storms, and accumulated snow that has since frozen solid on the roads, I looked over my work calendar and coordinated with my team to move any morning meetings to later hours of the day, hoping to preserve enough quiet time for my partner to sleep. Maybe it works. Maybe it’s enough. Maybe it doesn’t help at all. I’ve at least managed to clear my calendar of meetings for two days – that’s got to be good for something. 😀

I sip my tea and listen to my tinnitus ringing in my ears. It’s time to begin again. 😀