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Quiet Time

March 30, 2024 //
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Daybreak is just a faint pale smudge along the horizon. The moon hangs low on the western sky as it slowly sets. There’s very little traffic,  it’s a Saturday morning and I am parked at a trailhead waiting for sufficient daylight to walk a favorite trail, again. Aside from the interruption by an occasional passing car,  my tinnitus is the loudest thing I hear. It’s quiet this morning, and peaceful.

…Another car pulls into the parking lot, pulls up to the closed gate, then slowly drives to one of the few parking spaces outside the gate and parks. They are waiting, too. As the days grow longer it becomes more likely to see another person here, even at this early hour.

I sit with my thoughts, enjoying the quiet and waiting. I think about my garden plans for the weekend. The new roses have arrived. I hope to get them planted. Three of these honor my recently deceased dear friend, and love and friendship generally. I think she would have enjoyed my selections. I hope my planned placement is as pleasing as I think it will be.

The sky continues to lighten slowly. Looks like blue skies today. The local forecast is for warm Spring weather. A promising beginning. I think ahead to the day and weekend. Yesterday I was too tired to be much help to my Traveling Partner,  but today I plan to be available to assist in some work stuff, if he needs me.

My trip to the coast is just days away, now. I’m eager to enjoy the deeper more prolonged quiet time. No agenda,  though I may bring my paints along. I  haven’t yet decided the most desirable means of “refilling my fuel tank”, this time. Maybe I will simply read and nap and walk on the beach?

A new day dawning, another opportunity to be the person I most want to be.

The park gate clangs open. It’s time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, art and the artist, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being

Ring, Zing, Buzz

March 24, 2024 //
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I’m waiting for the sun on a Sunday morning. The forecast is for rain, but it isn’t raining here, now. Across the highway, and further still across some fields, suburban lights glitter low on the horizon. This is no wilderness, although the trail I’ll walk feels at least a bit remote, down along the Tualatin river. Daybreak is approaching. Soon. In the meantime, I sit with my thoughts, listening to passing cars and the ring, zing, buzz of my tinnitus. It’s a quiet morning and at least for now, my tinnitus is the loudest thing I hear.

Daybreak on a cloudy morning.

A break in the clouds reveals the blue of the morning sky. Daybreak is not helpful for walking, this morning. Anyway, I am still waiting for the park gate to open. The lower marsh trail I can reach from this parking space just outside the park is seasonal, and off limits until May. Frankly, some mornings (many), it’s tempting to walk the seasonal trail anyway, although it is off limits this time of year, but doing so would come with additional risks; it’s a lowland trail along the edges of the marsh, often muddy and sometimes flooded in spots. It would be just a bit more stupid to walk it in near darkness than I prefer to be. Also, these sorts of community spaces rely on people following the rules in place to protect them (both the spaces and the people using them), to maintain their beauty for years to come and new generations.

… So, I wait…

Waiting, watching, being.

I sit with my thoughts, enjoying the stillness. It’s a mild Spring morning and a good one for walking. The cloudy sky hints at rain. I’m glad I spent time in the garden yesterday. Between the gardening and the weather, it definitely feels like Spring here. I’m grateful for the change of seasons. Another new beginning.

I feel a poignant sorrow that my recently deceased dear friend missed the coming of Spring. No tears. I have the sense that she “chose her time”, and I can only honor her memory and respect her choice. I’m okay; we are mortal creatures. I’m fortunate to have shared so much time with her.

It’s time to begin again.

The park gate opens with a quiet “clang”. There’s enough light to see the trail. The day and this walk are ahead of me, and that seems like a worthwhile direction to go…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, grief, Healthy Living, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Oregon Trails, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, solo hiking, Spring, The Art of Being, turning 60, women

Groggy With a Chance of Rain

March 21, 2024 //
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Wild night. Plentiful, surreal, and rather lively dreams that seemed more like “real life” than dreams, with enough really strange stuff mixed in to be… remarkable. I slept deeply, but restlessly, and woke with my silent alarm just as the lights came on. Groggy. Feeling rather as if I were “running late”, simply because I’ve been waking so damned early for the past couple… days? …Weeks? I got through my morning routine, surprised to discover my Traveling Partner already up as I stepped into the living room, as I left. We exchanged greetings, and a sweet kiss good-bye.

…I feel rather as if I really “woke up” somewhere along the commute, more than half-way to the office…

I’m sipping my coffee, now, preparing my work for the day ahead. I almost forgot to take a few minutes for me, just to get my head right, and meditate, and take care of this fragile vessel. I put things on pause, and sit with my coffee, watching the storm clouds that fill the sky obscuring the sunrise, as daybreak becomes… morning. There’ll be no view of a sunrise today. lol I’m okay with that; it’s enough to enjoy a new day. Some mornings seem to remind me that “the clock is always ticking”. This is one of those. I breathe, exhale, relax, and give myself over to a moment of gratitude and presence. It’s enough to be here. Enough to be awake and aware. Enough to experience the small joys in a comfortable place to work, and a good cup of coffee. Enough to know that my loving partner and pleasant home are waiting for me on the other side of this work day.

Bits of blue sky peak out between fluffy gray clouds. I sip my coffee. It’s a very quiet morning, and the loudest thing I hear is my own tinnitus. There are few cars on the streets below. Most of the residential windows are still dark. There are no trash trucks doing collections, presently. No construction has started. Quiet. I enjoy these quiet moments. I sit with my thoughts awhile. The weekend is only one more work day away… I’m eager to be back in the garden, though the forecast is for rain. I’m unconvinced – on Sunday, the weather forecast indicated it would rain all week, and it most certainly has not rained, beyond a few scattered sprinkles, yesterday evening. lol So… maybe I will be in the garden? I love my garden as a metaphor for life (and for personal growth). I plant seeds, I nurture them as they sprout, I watch them grow and tend them with care… the more care I give, the more effort I put into it, the better my results. There’s something so simple (and so profound) to be learned from that… I keep practicing.

Yesterday evening, although I was tired, I walked through the garden, and looked for new seedlings. I’ve planted carrots and peas and radishes and salad greens (from seeds), and although that was done quite recently, the radishes at least should be coming up… “soon”. I spotted first one sprout, then another, then as my eyes calibrated to their shapes, I saw the entire row, and the chaos where El Gato had dug a whole (that I filled back in) – scattering the unsprouted seeds such that those seedlings are sprouting just every-damned-where. I’m okay with that bit of chaos. Nothing to do about it but enjoy it, really (at least, that’s my approach to such things). Spring is truly here. 😀

What have you planted in your metaphorical garden? How are you nurturing those seedlings? What do you hope to harvest? Can those seedlings even become that thing at all? Things to think about as you plan and dream… Soon it’ll be time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Roses, Spring

Here and There

March 20, 2024 //
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I’m sipping my coffee and letting the day begin gently. No pressure, just routine this-n-that. I’m already eager to be back in the garden, and my thoughts are filled with new roses, which have begun to arrive. I’m also giving thought to improving my selection of kitchen herbs for variety (how do I not have French tarragon planted?!). I’ve got an ample supply of seeds for the veggies I most commonly cook with (and have had success growing) and an assortment of “things to try”. “Tis the season…” 😀

Yesterday was the Vernal Equinox. Spring is officially here, and the weather has been delightful. So far, El Gato has stayed out of my veggie bed since I added some veggie starts, and moved the “spike mats” around for better coverage between the tender new plants. Once I am seeing seedlings in sufficient quantity to require thinning, I generally have to take up the mats, otherwise crops like carrots are damned difficult to harvest. lol It’s an effective approach, though, and generally I’ve only got the one cat vexing me (but he does live right next door and clearly considers my yard part of his territory).

I sip my coffee and “spend time in the garden”, in my head. My thoughts are definitely all about the roses, the Spring, and the next opportunity to be in the garden. 😀

I sit thinking about herbs for awhile… I’m missing a couple that I like to use (tarragon, chives, and rosemary), and there are others that are a bit tender in my area, and need to be treated as annuals (like basil and lemon grass). There are still others that I’m reluctant to grow at all, because they quickly become an invasive pest (mint, and dill). I enjoy the planning almost as much as the actual gardening, and happily while away a few minutes simply contemplating what to do, when to do it, and how it will be done. 😀

I breathe, exhale, and relax. So little tension this morning – it’s a lovely chill moment on which to begin a new day. I look out the window into the night sky; it’s still quite dark and not yet daybreak, although some hint of color will likely develop any time now. I smile and sip my coffee and consider this lovely uncomplicated moment. Soon enough, it will be time to begin again.

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, meditation, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Spring

The Things That Matter

March 19, 2024 //
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I’m sipping my coffee and listening to the combination of the ringing in my ears, and the sound of the ventilation circulating the air, punctuated by the cawing of crows as they start their day. The sunrise is peach and orange to the east, illuminating a hazy pink and blue sky beyond the western hills. My desk here in the office has a remarkable 180 degrees or so of view, and though rather unremarkable directly in front of me (facing a residential tower on the other side of a small park), simply turning my head brings the morning sunrise into my field of vision each morning. I love watching it evolve, from the earliest moments of daybreak beginning to recolor the sky, until the florid hues of the rising sun begin to fade away leaving only blue sky behind to begin the day in earnest. It’s lovely. Even the grayest rainiest mornings often hold some interesting detail worth taking note of, as I sip my coffee. I feel fortunate to enjoy these moments. I’m glad I choose them.

A new day. I have the entire thing ahead of me for all manner of purposes and whatever variety of experiences I may find myself having. I feel fortunate here, too. We don’t have infinite days. I look forward to enjoying another one. 😀

I think about the roses and the garden. One of the new ones (Rainbow Happy Trails) arrived yesterday afternoon, just about the time I got home. Later in the evening, sometime after I crashed (early, struck down by Spring allergies – tree pollen, specifically) the new waffle iron arrived, too! I’m eager to give it a try, this weekend. I’m eager to plant the new rose, too. I think I know where I want to put this one, intended to be part of a trio of “memory roses” at the edge of the yard, in a spot with an excellent view of the garden, and currently a bit overlooked.

…I find myself counting the roses I have, and adding the roses I’ve ordered. I think I’ve potentially reached “maximum roses” for the front garden, which makes me giggle; there are still other roses I long to have. No doubt a useful lesson in choosing wisely, in embracing sufficiency, and in managing my desires, eh? lol So human that these are still lessons I continue to have to learn, associated with practices I still need practice at. I do love roses… each with a name, a history, and real character. They are the “main characters” in the garden, with a beautiful supporting cast of herbs and flowers, and wee objects here and there to bring attention to some perspective or angle of view (a gazing ball, a small statue, an interesting large-ish stone, that sort of thing). Even more than any one rose, I love my garden. I don’t think I’m the very best of gardeners… truth is, I’ve got a lot to learn, and in the garden (as in life) I am forever a student. Always practicing. Always studying. Always learning more. Handily enough – there’s always more to learn.

What matters most to you? What are you doing about it? Do you make time for the things that matter to you? How do you prevent “all the other things” from crowding out the things that matter most? I sit with those questions, and my own answers for awhile…

…Where does this path lead? I think for awhile about garden paths, and the garden as a metaphor…

…It’s Spring…

I sit with my coffee, my smile, and this gorgeous sunrise, watching and thinking my thoughts. Breathing. Being. It’s already time to begin again…

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Categories Allegories, breathe, Free Will, gardening, gratitude, Healthy Living, inspiration, Love, meditation, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Practices, Relationships, Roses, Spring
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