Archives for posts with tag: this is enough

Choosing change can bring such tremendous calm. Choices made become contemplation of next steps, a plan develops, new choices, other actions, and with care and consideration, momentum toward a chosen change begins to build. Plans begin to become outcomes. Through all of it, chaos is managed through practices chosen for their proven success at managing chaos. Meditation. Good self-care. Self-compassion. Non-attachment.

I’m walking my own path. I am my own cartographer.

Sure, I already know my results will vary. I understand that the map is not the world. I embrace the new beginnings life offers. I continue to practice, and work toward becoming the woman I most want to be. So far, it’s enough; incremental change over time seems to be something I can count on.

For now, I’m sipping my coffee contentedly. I’ve chosen change, and made a plan, and each step forward takes me a step further down my path. Where does it lead? I don’t really know that; the future, at least how I am able to experience it, is not yet written. There are changes that occur around me, some chosen by others, some simply turns of circumstance, and perhaps those will become the sorts of things that change something in my own experience, too. Change is.

I stare out at a gray wintry sky. It hints at rain. There is snow in the forecast. It’s a gray rather uneventful day. I think about baking coffee cake to snack on later. I smile recalling my Traveling Partner’s request for specific flavors, winter spices. Vanilla glaze on that, I think, sipping my coffee. It’s a lovely partnership to share, and I take a moment for gratitude as he walks away after standing close, rubbing my shoulders as I write. Hot coffee, cold day, and the warmth of being loved… nice moment.

“This too shall pass”, my brain rather grimly reminds me. I laugh back, because, sure, yeah, that’s true… but I have memories of love and partnership for a lifetime, and an enduring relationship to enjoy now, whatever the future may hold. That’s enough. More than enough. It’s honestly pretty splendid compared to a lot of the options in the vastness of human experience, right? 🙂

I look at the time. My break is over, and it’s time to begin again. 🙂

I woke early. I could have slept more, but waking so close to when my alarm goes off and then going back to sleep nearly always finds me struggling to escape sleep when the alarm finally does go off, and I sometimes then struggle for the better part of the day with feeling groggy and disconnected. It’s a less than ideal experience, so… I got up.

In the kitchen, when I approached the counter to make my morning coffee, I noticed there was already a mug there, with the pour over filter still sitting atop the mug, with used grounds in it. I carefully lifted it from the mug and found a full, untouched, long-cold, cup of coffee sitting there. For me? Well… probably not by intention, but… there it is. 🙂 A convenient circumstance. Coffee for me, quiet for my sleeping Traveling Partner. I don’t at all mind that it is a room temperature-not-quite-cold cup of coffee. It is well-made, and satisfying. I say a silent thank you to my partner for his effort, and his lost interest in this tasty and convenient coffee.

I noodle around on the internet awhile, without clear words for the thoughts in my head, this morning. I poke around camping supply websites; my first camping trip of the summer, this year, is next week. I take a second look at my packing list. I look at maps, rather pointlessly; it is too early to spend this much time on such a distant view of such familiar trails. lol I’m not exactly wasting time, but I’m not using it skillfully, or productively. I tackle a couple of errands; things that need to go into the mail today, an “old-fashioned” seeming task now, that once felt very routine.

I avoid the news, this morning, because frankly, it just isn’t good. The quantity of hate, of racism, of misogyny, of violence… it’s just too much. I’m not exactly averting my eyes from it, I just prefer not to make it part of every moment of my limited leisure time. I’m fairly disappointed by humanity pretty quickly, if I spend too much time reading the news. Besides, there really are positive things going on… in my own life, if not plentifully in the world. Finding those positives matters so very much!

I sip my cold coffee and consider the positives…

I’ve been slowly and steadily losing weight since the beginning of the year, and the dietary and fitness changes I’ve been making (and maintaining) are also making me feel generally in better health. 🙂

Having my partner move back in with me is pretty fun. I enjoy his company, his humor, his affection – and he helps out a bunch. Having a proper partnership between mutually supportive adults kicks ass, and life feels less lonely. 🙂

I’ve been enjoying getting back out onto local trails, exploring, enjoying the fresh air, sunshine, and bird and bunny sightings. 🙂

I enjoy my work, and no longer feel as though 100% of the time I spend on “gainful employment” is also wholly wasted life time. 🙂

My emotional and mental wellness seems pretty good these days. 😀 That’s huge. It took a long fucking time to get here – the effort was well worth it.

I mean… short list, on a work morning, and I’m grateful to have so much to appreciate in life. Seriously better to focus on the positives this morning than to dive into news articles highlighting human violence and suffering. I don’t need help to recognize the magnitude of the problem; the weight of it pulls on me, every moment. :-\ We gotta do something about that… (vote).

…Well… coffee’s gone. 🙂 Time to get a new day started properly… I suppose I’ll begin again. 😉

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life… and I’m feeling good

Oh yeah. Enjoy the pleasant moments with a big smile and eyes wide open. Maybe don’t take the tough ones so personally. They’re just moments. They pass. (Even the good ones, but that’s a tale for a different moment than this one.)

Lovely couple of days with my Traveling Partner. Work stress? Not relevant in this moment. 🙂

…No lie, though, my anxiety level over work stuff is pretty high. I handle it with a combination of meditation and good self-care, and savoring pleasant moments utterly unrelated to any of that. So far, that’s enough. My results may vary, but I’m getting results. 🙂

Sufficiency. Perspective. Mindfulness. 🙂

Look at the time! It’s already time to begin again.