Archives for category: autumn

I woke about an hour ago. It’s a bit past 3:00 a.m. now. Little point in attempting to return to sleep. No idea what actually woke me. For now, I’m dealing with this sinus headache, but, and this is just real, I’m almost delighted that I can, mostly, just breathe. The vertigo, which I think may be a result of sleeping with my neck at an odd angle, combined with this head cold, is a cruel new addition, and I’m already “over it” (meaning to say, I’d very much like to be done with this whole mess, now, please…).

I worked yesterday, from home, and wrapped up the day about 2 hours early, compared to a typical Monday. I honestly wasn’t good for much. Today, either, potentially, but I am feeling “up to it”, and no coughing or sneezing, so far, and able to breathe (mostly)… I may go into the office today. I sit here sipping icy cold grapefruit fizzy water, wondering if I really will. The advantage is small; I have more monitor “real estate” there, and this allows me to work somewhat faster, with more things open and easy to see. That’s it. The disadvantage? If I am still contagious, I get everyone on my team sick (small office space), and potentially also everyone I talk to. That’s a dick move. I resolve to stay home if I start sneezing or coughing, and decide that if I do go in, I’ll go quite early, and overlap with folks for a much shorter period of time, keeping my hands washed, and wearing a mask. If nothing else, the mask itself will discourage conversation, and reduce risk further.

…I’ll probably work half a day, get the essentials done, take advantage of the efficiency of the big monitors, and cancel live calls/meetings that involve face-to-face participation.

My coffee is very good this morning. I feel content and alert in spite of the ridiculous hour. My body feels mostly pretty comfortable, very little pain. The discomfort I do feel is largely to do with this cold, and I’m clearly getting over that. I find that to be very good news – honestly, I have shit to get done. Not being up to doing things sucks. I keep sipping this coffee, between physical therapy exercises, and wait for this vertigo to clear up; if it doesn’t, I’ll stay home. Driving to the office in the dark, in the rain, and also with vertigo? That just sounds fairly stupid.

Back and forth… water… coffee… work from home? Go to the office? More water. Another sip of coffee. How do I best take care of this fragile vessel? Water. Chicken broth. Tea. Sleep. More sleep. More water. Limited use of cold care remedies, and only those that are definitely effective, and don’t mess with my head. More sleep. More water. More broth. Food when I can eat. I don’t know what works for you – do that, though, I suppose. I do this. 🙂 I’d been going through a record-breaking number of Kleenex’s there for a day or two, but this box next to me has been open now for more than 12 hours, and it’s still half full. Progress.

…Oh, damn, do I enjoy being able to breathe? Oh, yes, yes, I do – so very much. 🙂 It’s nice having that back.

I find myself looking forward to the cold autumn air and the rain fresh breeze, when I step outside, into the pre-dawn darkness of morning. The house is comfortably warm, but not hot. I feel a bit overdressed for the indoor temperature, and remind myself that my coat is in the bedroom closet, my partner still sleeping. Going to work without my coat, in this weather, in this health, seems fairly dumb; I’ll have to go get it, probably waking my partner. :-\ It is what it is. I remind myself he would comfortable do so, himself, were the situation such that he needed a clothing item from the bedroom, while I am sleeping. lol No coat = no commute. 🙂 That’s some solid self-care decision-making right there. 🙂

I look at the time. It’s very early, not quite 4:00 a.m., but getting that kind of head start on the day will be a huge win for reducing exposure to any lingering contagion, so… I guess it’s time to begin again. 😀

I slept well and deeply, but woke very early (more than an hour ahead of my alarm clock). Pain woke me. Nothing acute or new, just arthritis, but pain is pain, and pain hurts. I mean, that’s literally it’s defining quality… so… yeah. Some yoga eases me into the morning, before I ease myself into my work clothes. Another day, another new beginning. 😉

I have some interesting perfume samples to try; gifts from my Traveling Partner. I choose one. Try it. It has a very familiar scent (not necessarily perfume-related familiarity). I can’t place it. This one quickly goes from “this is interesting”, moving quickly through “this is nice” and settling, before I even make it to the office, somewhere in the vicinity of “well, this is regrettable”. lol Okay. Sampled.

I sip my coffee, and wonder if my keyboarding is “too loud”. It’s early, and the world feels quiet. At this hour, everything sounds “too loud”. I make an effort to lighten my keystrokes, to minimize the noise. Another sip of coffee. I smile with the satisfaction of it; it’s a great cup of coffee.

This isn’t a fancy moment, nor wildly joyful, and it’s generally uncomfortable (physically), and this perfume is now… annoying. But, it is, nonetheless, a pleasant moment, and needs nothing from me besides to be noticed, savored, and appreciated long enough to become a memory of a pleasant moment. (Or I could focus mostly on the arthritis pain, and allow it to become a literally painful memory, but I’m honestly not inclined to do that; I already have quite a few of those. 😉 )

I look around my studio. The house, everywhere else, looks holiday ready and thoroughly tidy. My studio, as a result, looks even more chaotic and… well… not tidy, than usual. I think about the weekend ahead, suitable for laundry and tidying up, for sure. 😀 I make a silent commitment to myself, and decide to begin again in here. 🙂

Don’t get sucked into the hype. I mean, generally, right? Also – here. Good advice from random internet strangers is… random, strange, and if one is very very fortunate, may also be “good”. No reason to assume it is accurate, or going to work for you, or reliably successful for everyone who tries it, or even a good value. True of the internet, of holiday catalogs, of Black Friday sale prices… Yep. If someone is pushing hard for you to buy one, try one, or trust one… there’s likely some measure of profit in it for them. Just saying. 😉

This cup of coffee is good. I slept well, besides the strange dreams about spending too much for too little. lol

Last night was fun, and tiring, and I have happy memories and another pair of shiny boots. Not as shiny as the pair my Traveling Partner shined for me; I’m out of practice. By the end of the evening, my shoulders burned from the effort. Still, we had a great evening, spent in each other’s pleasant company, while I shined my boots. He coached me through details of the way he does it, himself, I did what I could to pay attention, while not becoming distracted from the actual process I was actually doing. 🙂 I’m happy with the results. Ordinary enough Chelsea boots become beautiful, gleaming toes seeming to smile at me. Like a delicious emotional sundae, contentment, satisfaction, and love all swirled together. 😀

I crashed hard at the end of the evening. I slept through the night, deeply, as far as I can tell. I woke easily, at the end of my dreams, shortly before the alarm. A nearly perfect night’s sleep, for me. I woke feeling pretty good, and with my sense of self-in-space (proprioception) decently accurate (so, not clumsy), and not in any noteworthy amount of pain. Nice. I sit with the comfort of being me in this moment, for a few moments more. It’s not only pleasant to feel good, to feel comfortable in my skin, it’s helpful to make a point to enjoy that, explicitly aware of it, and unashamed. I find that it helps shift feelings of “always hurting” or “always being sad” that built over time (a long long time), to a more contented sense of self, less focused on the pain I have (when I have it).

…Lots of parentheses this morning… I wonder what’s up with that? 🙂

My eye lands on the elegant holiday catalog on my desk. Beautiful photographed foods, advertised as “gourmet” and certainly presented in a most spectacular way… prices that seem very much consistent with the visual appeal. I’ve order such things, a time or two, for special occasions. I almost always end up less than ideally satisfied with them; the pictures and descriptions are a fantasy. I think I am paying for a reality. The results vary. lol I’d be better off learning to make/cook the item I think I want, in most cases, or finding a local retailer of fine foods, or goods, or services. Shopping appeals to my nature. Laboring to learn a new skill, and practicing to become sufficiently masterful to get a “catalog quality” visual result to present to guests, or give as a gift, or even enjoy for myself? Maybe just a bit less enticing. lol It’s a lot of work, and “easy” appeals to my nature far more. Guess which is likely to be the emotionally and cognitively healthier choice? Yeah… not “easy”, for sure. Easy gets me fat. Easy finds me becoming lazy and slow. Easy feels so good, though… like streaming an endless video playlist, or having a favorite beverage on tap, or having household automation, or… yeah. We don’t serve ourselves well to make our lives to “easy”. Effort is part of our experience.

…Still sucks to work hard, to want to rest so badly, and to have to just keep on going. It’s part of what drives us (me, for sure) to seek “easy”; fatigue.

This morning I sip my coffee, occasionally peaking at my shiny boots, which are so beautiful and so satisfying, and then at that catalog – so enticing and colorful, so convenient! There’s a lesson here… about ease… about value… about moments… I haven’t even opened that catalog this year. I’m definitely wearing the hell out of these boots. 😀

Where will you begin, when you begin again, this morning? Chasing ease, fighting fatigue, grasping at convenience? Sitting down focused and purposeful, handling a task that matters to you, satisfying yourself with your own work? Something in between? I admit; I want the outcome I get from my efforts to also be convenient and easy. It’s not a thing, really. lol My Traveling Partner loves me enough to endure my somewhat irritated look, when he reminds me I set expectations about doing a particular task for myself (nearly always some self-care detail) – less nagging than I sometimes suggest. He cares. He knows how good it’s going to feel, for me, to wake up the next day with those boots shined, or the kitchen tidy, or… whatever it is.

Holy shit, though, that guy… not only does my partner shine a wickedly gleaming pair of boots, he pulls his weight on the housekeeping, too. I came home to a place so tidy, last night, it was (and is) “catalog ready”. 😀 He even made a point of locating, and bringing in, all the holiday decoration stuff for me – adding ease to my experience. Even found an excellent spot for my rather ridiculously large holiday tree. lol So much wow. A proper partnership. I sure hope I said “thank you” enough… I feel very loved, this morning (and, honestly, most days, more so than I can adequately – or comfortable – describe). 😀

My mind wanders away from love, past “easy”, and on to the many things I see around me that I’d like to get done. This studio isn’t going to tidy itself up! And oh, hey – it’s time to begin again. 🙂

Time doesn’t wait on us to set our priorities. Reality does not take a compassionate approach toward whether or not we have a realistic perspective on our choices, timing, or whether our opinions are tied to real life. We do get to choose, though, we get to choose so much! There’s a lot of promise in that. 🙂

This weekend I chose sleep, and I chose Love, and I mostly did not choose writing. lol Sometimes it’s hard to fit all of the things into a single short period of time. 🙂 It was a lovely weekend. For the moment, I don’t at all recall what we did with it… just joyful snapshots: a breakfast out, a dinner at home, shared satisfaction tidying up this-n-that together, love, affection, and connection… certainly it’s enough. 🙂

Now I’ve got my stuff ready for the new work week. I’m dressed for it. Sipping coffee. Waking up. Nothing much on my mind. My neck, for the time being, doesn’t hurt. I pause to really notice and even celebrate that; doing so builds an adjusted implicit awareness that makes room for the recollection that I am not literally always in pain – that’s unhealthy hyperbole. I sit appreciating the pain I don’t have… or… I mean to say, that I don’t have it. 🙂 It’s a good starting point to the day, and the week.

…How is it already time to begin again? 😀

So, real life being what it is, with winter storms, and unpredictable changes in travel plans, and all of that sort of thing… my Traveling Partner did not make it home last night. :-\ Am I disappointed? I sure am. That’ll pass quickly, not because I am callous or insensitive, or don’t love deeply enough, it is, instead, because I have learned, mostly, not to become attached to an outcome that isn’t certain. Generally. Most of the time. I still expect him home “soon” – most likely today, sometime while I am at work. 🙂 It mattered more to know he was safe, somewhere, than to fixate on his planned arrival time.

This perspective is so much easier than getting all hung up on the details that can vary so much.

I imagine it would be tougher to be so chill about it, if I were the one stuck in some random city, waiting for another flight… I find myself wishing my Traveling Partner safe – and merry – travels, and hoping it isn’t unbearably tedious, frustrating, or unpleasant. Travel can be a lot of fun, but it is predictably less so, when all one wants is to go home.

Very little in life is predictable, really. Our results vary. We walk our own hard mile. We are each having our own experience. Our lives are built on what we make of all the chaos and uncertainty. It is our choices to act, to react, to refrain from action, that define us to the world…

I sip my coffee, contented, and grateful. My Traveling Partner is on his way home. I’ll see him when I see him. In the meantime, I’ll do what I do, and let the waiting be part of the background, instead of having it dominate my thoughts. (There really isn’t much I can do to speed things up, so why get spun over the details?) Instead, I let my thinking move on to other things… and rather consistent with the travel theme, I find myself wondering if my efforts here at home are “good enough”. The surge in anxiety reminds me I have baggage to unpack, myself, without even leaving home. lol I breathe, exhale, relax, and remind myself that the anxiety over “good enough” is a leftover from long ago, in a very different relationship, and it’s okay to let that go. Boom! A bag hits the floor – this one, though, is one I’ll let go of, over and over again, for the rest of my life (most likely). It’s heavy, and sturdily made, and this bit of baggage just keeps following me (so far). Still, recognizing it right away, and letting it go, again, is healthy progress. I’m content with that. Enough forward progress and we inevitably end up somewhere else. 😉

I had a moment of great delight yesterday, related to Veterans Day. My team at work asked for a moment of my time, and I said “sure” and then followed up some short time later, pointing out “This may not be a good time, I’m sort of cross at the moment, but I’ve got a few minutes, what’s on your mind?” My team grinned at me, and one of them said “It’s the best time!”, and another of them handed me a small gold bag, and an envelope.

“We’d hoped to get it to you Friday, but you weren’t in the office, and then Monday was the holiday…”

I opened the card – a Veterans Day card. What the hell? I’m still surprised. lol It was very… moving. Inside the bag? Very fancy chocolates from a local high end chocolatier (I rarely shop there, way out of my price range). “We wanted to do more than just say thanks…” they said, almost in unison. We all laughed together, and I’m still so… moved, by their appreciation. More palpable than a random thank you, it isn’t about the chocolate, as much as the sentiment (I probably won’t have more than 1 of those elegant chocolates; everything about them is a “restricted” food on my diet, and not ideal for my health lol). It was – and is – a heart-warming visceral expression of appreciation. Special.

How would the world improve if we could make every “thank you” we offer everyone truly visceral and “real” to them? How about if every time we apologize for hurting someone, they could really feel our regret, and that they matter to us? If we could successfully communicate that we are committed to making amends? If when we did our best to do so, it was something the injured person could really feel? How much more valuable would “thank you” and “I’m sorry” be then? (Actually, about as important as now – so maybe we should be putting more effort into it, already? 😉 )

Thoughts over coffee on a Wednesday. Today, I’ll work on more effective, meaningful, expressions of appreciation or regret. Effective and meaningful to the recipient, I mean. I guess that implies also being more effective and meaningful to me… “heartfelt made real”, somehow. It seems like a useful starting point with which to begin again. 🙂