Archives for posts with tag: appreciation

No Regrets? Maybe You’re Not Paying Attention

May 10, 2017 //
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I woke this morning, too early. My fitness tracker buzzed me; my Traveling Partner reached out in the wee hours, checking in, not feeling well. I drift in and out of a light sleep for another few minutes, simultaneously relieved and regretful that we’re not in this same space… I would do what I could to provide comfort and care (that’s the regret; I am too far away for that)… but… I’m also glad that my own rest was not disturbed through the night by his discomfort. Yep. Very human.

I’m not hard on myself about the regrets I have in life. I mean…. not anymore. I used to be the one boldly and firmly asserting I had no regrets. Well… snarling it, really, as if I had something to prove. Funny that “regret” is something we seem to look poorly upon, as if there were no opportunity to learn from our regrets. How do I offer a sincere and heartfelt apology if I am not able to acknowledge and regret my error? It’s an odd emotion to discourage, is it not?

No regrets? Really??

I frankly regret tons of stuff – mostly small things. I regret every time I’ve hurt someone’s feelings with careless words. That’s one of my most common regrets. I regret the pleasant moments I overlooked because I was more invested in pissing and moaning about something else, that mattered less. I regret every affectionate embrace I was too awkward to welcome, and all the ones I was too self-conscious to offer. I regret severed connections, and lost friendships – whether or not it was the wiser choice. Those are generally the sorts of things I do regret. I’m not the slightest bit uncomfortable with admitting to regret – if I didn’t regret those things, what would it say about who I am?

You know what I don’t “regret”? I don’t regret being human. I don’t regret that I have some quirks and limitations that may not be immediately obvious to the world, day-to-day. I don’t regret that it has taken many years (decades) and many relationships to find my way to this place in life where I am mostly pretty able to adult for myself with fair skill. I don’t regret not having it all. I don’t regret not being the prettiest, the smartest, the fittest, the sexiest, the richest… I don’t see those as things to regret. (How much misery in the world is caused by our creating a “best” characteristic, placing it on a pedestal, and saying “there can be only one!” Never even giving ourselves a chance to just be?)

Regret gives me a moment to appreciate a better path, and to calibrate my personal intent with my real-life actions, choices, and behavior. Regret reminds me to keep up on the housework (I definitely regret it when I find I’ve allowed things to become untidy). Regret reminds me to choose kinder words, and gentler behavior. Regret asks me to consider my choices with greater care. Regret nudges me to book a camping reservation, buy concert tickets, and make time for my friends – because the alternative is regretting that I have not lived my life.

This morning I pause for a moment of regret. I’m okay with that. 🙂 I also pause for a moment of appreciation, a moment of gratitude, a moment of joy. Life is rich with moments. It’s a lovely morning, and it’s enough. My moments of regret keep me focused on where I am headed as I begin again. 🙂

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Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Relationships, Spring, The Art of Being, Words

Appreciating What I Can

January 19, 2017 //
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Appreciating what I  can in life seems best paired with not taking the shit I don’t appreciate at all personally. It is a decent arrangement, generally, resulting in considerable calm and contentment. This morning, I am appreciating sleep – the sleep I didn’t get last night – and I’m not taking at all personally that I didn’t get the sleep I needed, which, while I don’t appreciate that, wasn’t at all personal. Sometimes I can’t sleep through the goings on in the world, however local or remote, and sometimes I can’t sleep through what’s going on in my head. I really do enjoy deep restful quality sleep, though. 🙂

With regard to the sleep I did not get last night, it matters far more that I am awake now, alert, feeling merry, and more or less ready for the work day. With just Friday (and today) between me and the potential for sleeping in (on the weekend), this is doable. There’s no tragedy here, and barely any inconvenience. My lack of sleeping is not associated with anxiety or tinged with negative emotions. I am in a manageable, minimal, amount of pain. “My glass is more than half full”, meaning to say that I enjoyed the evening in the company of my Traveling Partner, and feel cared-for and well-loved. Even with the poor night’s sleep, the day begins well. I definitely appreciate that. 🙂

The snow melted away slowly in yesterday’s steady rain. The commute to work was treacherous and slick; the thin layer of water on all the accumulated ice was far more slippery than ice or snow alone ever could be. I skated awkwardly along the walking portions of my commute, appreciative of bus service that kept the walking portion shorter than usual, by far. As the day went on, the snow continued to melt. The journey home wasn’t especially treacherous, slippery, or complicated – just wet.

Coming home to real partnership is something I appreciate, too. My cardboard recycling had begun to pile up, bins were full after the holidays, and later an icy parking lot I could not safely cross on foot with my hands full prevented me handling things. I felt uncomfortable with the clutter, and it had begun to aggravate me. I arrived home to find that my Traveling Partner had taken care of it, and any number of other things: putting away clean dishes, hanging the closet door that so recently came loose unexpectedly in my hands, installing a replacement external hard-drive (he’d also taken time to locate as many of my old back up files and images archived on his network as he could identify, and had already put them on the new drive for me). My quality of life when I returned home was notably improved over when I departed for work in the morning. It’s lovely to be cared for. I appreciated, too, the sweet relief of connecting and sharing time in the same physical space after two weeks of being kept apart by circumstances, pain, or bad weather.

Small things that frustrate or annoy me may have been piling up over time… now, this morning, embracing a moment of appreciation for what is working, what is going well, and what I enjoy in my life, it’s hard to give any weight to small frustrations and inconveniences. It’s a nice change.

My thoughts turn to moving and I find myself wondering if my frustration with not yet finding a new place have been stalling other healthy processes; frustration is my kryptonite, and I try to be mindful of its sway over my thinking when it becomes prominent in my experience. The lease here runs out at the end of the month. The weather has been intensely crappy for house-hunting, or searching for a rental home closer to work, and there are so few hours in the day available for the purpose, at all. There is little time left. Do I sign a six month extension on the lease here? I don’t want to live here anymore. I want a place of my own – really mine, a home. I know so much more about what I want, and what I need, and what is enough… and I haven’t found it, yet. I’m also… not quite ready. I meant to be. The holiday season got in the way of being more prepared, and I made a practical decision about supporting my Traveling Partner’s goals ahead of my own, short-term. We do that for each other now and then, because… love. So… yeah. Six more months here now seems the pragmatic choice, the practical, feasible, doable decision with the least upheaval, for the time being. I would, in all honesty, prefer to move during the summer months, anyway. Less rain falling on paintings being exposed to weather, carried from residence to moving truck, from moving truck to residence. Thankfully, I have options – and an awareness of options. I make an appointment to sign the lease next Thursday, on a day I will be out of the office on other personal matters. I have another week to keep looking. Hell, I found Number 27 less than a week before I moved, back in May of 2015. 🙂

Today isn’t “perfect” – what ever is, really? It’s enough, though. Today is a good day to appreciate having enough. Being enough. Doing enough. I am content with sufficiency. Today that’s enough. 😀

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Categories Brain Injury, Free Will, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Relationships, Sleepless Nights, The Art of Being, The Big 5, winter, Words

Appreciation Day

May 10, 2015 //
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It’s Mother’s Day. It could as easily be Father’s Day, Family Day, or Administrative Professionals’ Day; we make a point to set aside time to appreciate what we value…or do we? Do all these seemingly celebratory days exist on the calendar because we’re so fired up to appreciation one another that we need additional time to do so? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t see many people celebrating the experience of motherhood with the enthusiasm of Mother’s Day very often. Hell, I don’t see people show appreciation for each others efforts openly very often, whatever they are. I see a lot of coaching, a lot of feedback, tons of criticism, plenty of boundary setting – although I’m not sure I see that last one done well very often out in the world – and just maybe, once all that is behind one human primate or another, the occasional thank you, or expression of regret. I guess I’m not surprised that learning to treat myself well has been such slow going, or is so fraught with anxiety sometimes; the messaging received from others is so often lacking in appreciation.

Today is Mother’s Day. It’s safe to appreciate mothers today, and thank them for the effort involved in motherhood. That’s a lovely thing. What about the other 364 days on the calendar? Is motherhood only worthy of appreciation 1/365 of the year? That hardly seems reasonable, considering the work involved. I thought about making a cheeky joke right about now…something about the bad moms out there bringing down the global average appreciation due to mothers everywhere, but even considering it, and knowing that there really are some less-than-ideal mothers in the world (and some human beings who ought not have undertaken the matter at all), it smacked of disrespect to the multitude of fine mothers everywhere, doing their best but being appreciated, often, just the once each year. So…no jokes, because actually… It isn’t funny.

"Circus Clown" ... ...A picture of a rose won't set off my Mother's allergies. :-)

“Circus Clown” …
…A picture of a rose won’t set off my Mother’s allergies. 🙂

Seriously? Saying thank you more often than we offer criticism seems likely to create a more pleasant world we can all enjoy a bit more than the one we’ve got. “Please” is another nice useful word. I’m also a big fan of “I’m sorry” – although it is currently somewhat out of favor, with articles queuing up about how women ‘apologize’ too much. (Has everyone forgotten that “I’m sorry” may also be a simple expression of sympathetic regret, not exclusively a statement of responsibility? Is being terse, dismissive, or rude about painful experiences that we didn’t personally cause actually a good thing?) I also feel appreciated when I hear kind words, words of recognition and acknowledgement, and insightful questions that foster deeper dialogue about topics I find engaging, novel, or create an intimate connection. I enjoy being invited to share time or experiences – and I feel valued and appreciated to be invited. Feeling appreciated, like ‘contentment’, is a powerful positive emotional experience often overlooked while I am tromping around life and the world seeking ‘happiness’.

Appreciation is a big deal. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling nurtured by the feeling of being appreciated. I found myself contemplating the nature of appreciation, and these many assorted appreciation days on the calendar for this group or that one – each and every one seems reasonable inasmuch as appreciation, sincere, genuine, real appreciation can’t be ‘overdone’. There is, I assure you, no surplus. The thing is, though, it doesn’t seem to truly elevate or value anyone to set aside a single day to say ‘oh, by the way, thanks for all that…’ and then return to treating people poorly, without regard, dismissively, discourteously, or simply overlook them for the rest of the year.

Sitting here wondering about all that and I return to thinking about how I treat myself, how I appreciate my own efforts, how far I’ve come as a person… It suddenly struck me that I tend to treat my own birthday as a sort of ‘Me Appreciation Day’ each year. I can do better than that. Today is a good day for appreciation – every day is. Today is a good day to enjoy the things I do well, and appreciate my skills in life, and the qualities that make me who I am. Today is a good day to appreciate love and kindness and the new start presented with each dawn. Today is a good day to treat myself with compassion, and take good care of this fragile vessel I live within.

Today is a good day for Mother’s Day, and I will most certainly appreciate mine. Today I will honor her work further, by also appreciating myself – the woman I see in the mirror certainly puts in the time and effort to be worthy of my every day appreciation, too, even if she only has one day on the calendar. 🙂

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Categories Healthy Living, Love, Perspective, Relationships, The Art of Being, Uncategorized, women, Words