Archives for posts with tag: be the change

Strange Times

July 27, 2020 //

I’m sipping my coffee, quietly reading some news. I give up on it quickly; most of the news is at best a bit of a downer, and at worst holds some amount of potential to be a significant mood-wrecker. I stifle a sneeze, and wonder why I haven’t put a box of tissues in my studio, yet? No, I’m not ill. It’s just a stray sneeze. Dust? Or allergens of some sort. I return to my coffee and my thoughts.

Where does this path lead?

I took my first walk in the countryside since the move, on Saturday. It was a lovely day for it. The entire weekend was sunny. Saturday was pleasantly warm and somewhat mild. Sunday was ferociously hot for the area. I enjoyed both days quite a lot. The walk was lovely, and I am glad I got out on the trail, although most of the walk was simply around and about the new neighborhood. 🙂 Plenty to see, all of it new, most of it entirely ordinary. 🙂 Small pleasures still count as pleasant.

There is the usual assortment of roadside flowers in bloom to be seen along the way.

I walked a bit more than a mile. Far enough to walk a new path, to see some new points of view, and to wave at new neighbors.

I crossed a small foot bridge passing over a small branch of the creek that flows past our house.

The walk was enough to make my ankle ache, by the time I had returned home. Still, I wasn’t in much pain this weekend, and as improvements in quality of life go, a reduction in pain is a good one to enjoy. So, I spent the weekend enjoying that. 🙂

I sip my coffee, now, enjoying my recollections of the weekend just past, and thinking about the day ahead. Later on, I’ll drive “into the city”, which I’m not looking forward to at all. It’s just a necessary errand. Portland is seriously “stirred up” right now, and I’ve no interest in becoming mixed up in that chaos. I looked over my route, yesterday evening, and verified it does not need to take me through the heart of things, down near the courthouse, before confirming my plans. Portland, Oregon, has a lively protest culture, and I have long respected and valued the willingness of Portland’s citizens to take a stand against injustice. That feeling does not diminish the experiences of profound inconvenience and considerable risk that go along with attempting to pass through an area filled with protesters, counter-protesters, and aggressive law enforcement. I make a point of keeping my distance, unless I am intending to be an active participant. Safer.

I notice that thoughts of protests, protesters, and conflict, have caused my heart to pound and my breathing to become shallow. I take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and relax. There is no threat here, just me and this cup of coffee, which I am enjoying very much. I think about my Saturday morning walk, instead, and feel my shoulders relax, and my heartbeat slow down. I sip my coffee and begin to plan my day.

…Pretty routine stuff, but I’ll point out that generally speaking, on the average, things tend to be pretty routine, day-to-day, most particularly if I allow them to be so. I could keep myself constantly in a state of tension, ready for a fight, poised on the edge of drama, constantly examining my experience for threat of danger, or revisiting past conversations looking for an enemy to confront… I know people who do. I once did, myself. It’s not actually a pleasant or comfortable way to live, and it didn’t seem to enhance my quality of life at all – and it didn’t reduce the danger or drama in my life, or do much to actually prepare me to deal with those sorts of things, in fact. It was just uncomfortable and emotionally messy. I’m glad I gave up those practices (and they are experiences that do require practice) in favor of practices that tend to tilt life more in the direction of contentment, joy, ease, and satisfaction in life. Turned out that life itself did not need to change much – it was more about my perspective on life needing a change (and how I treated myself in the context of the events of my life). 🙂

I finish this cup of coffee, on an ordinary enough Monday, beginning a routine sort of day. It’s enough. I begin again. 🙂

Tags be here now, be the change, being and becoming, choose wisely, choose your adventure, Cozine Creek, emotional self sufficiency, go for a walk, I am my own cartographer, life in the time of pandemic, MBSR, mindfulness, mindfulness for beginners, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, stay on the path, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, there are verbs involved, walking meditation, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?, what matters most?, where does this path lead?

Categories Allegories, Anxiety, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being, War and News of War

An Entirely Different Point of View

July 23, 2020 //

I’m sipping my coffee, and considering words and pictures. I gave up on reading the news. I woke to the alarm, regrettable but necessary. My Traveling Partner was up shortly after I was (very early for him). I made him coffee, and returned to mine. Quiet morning. I don’t feel quite awake, yet.

Life in the time of pandemic continues to be strange. My hair is returning to it’s natural color as it grows out. Going to a salon to have it cut and colored doesn’t seem like a good idea. It hangs in my face, annoying me. I push it back, it flops back into my eyes, obscuring my glasses. This is definitely one way of altering my perspective (or point of view). It doesn’t get me anywhere I need to go, but it’s definitely a change. lol

Living in a new place has a lot of opportunities for new perspective, or a change in my point of view. Small stuff, mostly. Light switches in “strange” locations will soon become familiar, but for now, they are jarring reminders of change. Differences in light and shadows at various times of day are another shift in perspective. New, different rooms, and making use of space quite differently due to having a bit more of it, all shift my perspective a small amount. The overall effect can be unsettling at times. I’m letting the days go by as gently as I can while I get used to things.

There’s a new view, from a new deck, and new trees to gaze into, across a new distance…

Summer is lush and green.

I’ve begun snapping pictures of a particular perspective, from a particular point of view, often…

…As I once did from a particular point of view along my walking commute in Portland…

…This new view is lush, green, and yes, framed by trees. It’s actually mostly trees. And sky. Trees and sky. It’s a nice point of view to have, I think…

Trees and sky on a recent summer day.

It’s not the sort of fancy view that a shining golden city at sunrise might seem to be…on the other hand, it has a simplicity and easygoing beauty to it that feels relaxed, natural, and perhaps just a bit less likely to be hiding an assortment of unpleasant surprises in its distant beauty. 🙂

It’s a view with some moods and variety, even in summer.

A new point of view, in a very practical and literal way – my new point of view – a place to stand, gaze outward while I reflect inward. A new source of inspiration. “Is the sky still blue?”, a friend once asked me in a moment of heartache and other shades of blue. It was, then, and it is now. Lovely shades of blue on quiet summer days. It’s still a lot of change, and there’s so much to get used to… but I already love this view, so very much. 🙂 It’s enough.

I’m smiling as my Traveling Partner walks away. Love is a nice thing to have and enjoy – and work for. More than “enough”. I sip my coffee and yield to this moment of love and gratitude. My eye wanders to the time. As much as I’d rather just sit with this one lovely moment awhile longer, it’s apparently time to begin again. 🙂

Tags a change in perspective, a change in point of view, be love, be the change, be the change you wish to see, begin again, emotional self sufficiency, experience, MBSR, meditation, p.s. I love you, perspective, point of view, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, sufficiency, TBI, The Art of Being, the map is not the world, the stillness of trees, there are verbs involved, trees and sky, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being

What’s So Special About It?

July 22, 2020 //

This morning starts gently. The promise of every new day is a new beginning. Even in the time of pandemic, every dawn begins a new day (so far…). I start the morning with meditation, yoga, coffee… and this peculiar beautiful strange celebration of what is human. I love this video version of The Real Folk Blues. I’m not certain I can be clear about quite why. It isn’t the “original version”. It’s one created by artists (during the pandemic) inspired by that original for reasons of their own. It reminds me that even our struggles – maybe especially our struggles – create moments of profound beauty, wonder, and power in our experience. Anchors created in our memory that tie us to events, places, people, experiences… good or bad, lost or found; our hearts beat to these rhythms. Pieces of “who we are”.

Poetic musings and a bit of music, a cup of coffee, a sunrise… there are worse ways to start a day. 🙂

My mind wanders through recollections of recent special moments. Like light and shadows, reflections on water, or catching sight of a finished painting with completely new eyes, the memories are meaningful to me, in a fleeting moment, the significance easily lost if I “overthink” them. There have been some lovely moments during the move, and yes, during this time of pandemic. I sit with those, sipping my coffee, insisting that my restless mind pause and focus on what is sweet, and merry, and good, and uplifting. Love and loving, and what matters most. The things I want to characterize my day-to-day experience. I pause not to celebrate those experiences so much as to savor them, and “lock them into” my implicit memory and experience of life “generally”. The wellspring of my positivity and fairly reliably good outlook on life, these days, is, I suspect, rooted in this one simple practice. It’s not “mine” – I learned it elsewhere. Here’s a great explanation of how to “take in the good”. Your results may vary. (We become what we practice.)

It’s a good morning for coffee and sentiment. Such a human thing. What’s so special about being human? I’m not even certain that it is special… there’s not much I can know about “the life of the mind” for a turtle, an ant, a hummingbird, or a house cat. I only know what I know – and that’s such a pitifully small amount of knowledge, even among human primates, that it can be a bit of a downer now and then. I queue up another favorite song, sentimental, encouraging, and very human. I smile while silly sentimental tears spill over for no obvious reason. Also very human. Also totally okay.

Perspective matters.
“Emotion and Reason” acrylic on canvas w/ceramic and glow 2012

Another day. Time to get on with another beginning. 🙂 What sweetness and wonder might today hold? Time to find out… If things go wrong, I know I can begin again.

Tags be love, be the change, begin again, being and becoming, choose wisely, emotion and reason, emotional self sufficiency, I am my own cartographer, life in the time of pandemic, love and lovers, MBSR, meditation, mindfulness matters, Not Perfect, one practice at a time, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, take in the good, taking care of me, TBI, The Art of Being, the real folk blues, there are verbs involved, we become what we practice, what are you practicing?, what matters most?, what's your default setting?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, forgiveness, Free Will, gratitude, Healthy Living, Love, Metaphors, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Summer, The Art of Being

Another Day, Another Beginning

July 21, 2020 //

I’m sipping my coffee, watching the dawn become day. I can’t honestly say the morning is “routine”; the move into this house is still quite recent, and a great many of my routines are altered, or broken. The “new normal” is still developing, and I don’t really know what that will look like, in days or weeks, or months, or two years from now. I breathe, exhale, relax, and let that go. The new normal does not need my help, it’ll be what it is once it becomes so. 🙂

…This coffee is fairly terrible…

There is a work day ahead of me. I’m struggling to fully embrace that. I’m tired, as a result of sleeping… poorly? That’s not wholly accurate. The sleep I got was deep and restful. It was just interrupted, a lot, and it takes a lot of 90 minute to 2 hour naps to achieve a restful night’s sleep. lol I feel distracted by tiredness. (I also feel acutely aware there is another, more appropriate word for “tiredness” that I can’t quite recall…) I’d very much like the day to be over, so I can go back to sleep. LOL It’s not quite 6:00 am. So unlike me.

This morning I am lost in thought, contemplating “fairness” and “unfairness”, and what it means to have a “level playing field” in life (or love). I am giving thought to how easily I take things personally – even knowing that generally speaking, “it isn’t personal” applies to most situations. Even those few that are direct, targeted, willful acts (or words) of aggression between human beings aren’t really “personal” – they have ever so much more to do with the person doing the thing than they are ever about the person against whom the words or acts are directed. I mull that over awhile, and drink my coffee.

Practical Details

July 20, 2020 //

I’m fairly glad the weekend is over. I wasn’t at my best. Yesterday started beautifully, went sideways early, stayed fairly difficult for some time afterward, and was not especially satisfying. It was a cool summer morning, and a very hot summer day. It didn’t cool off enough during the night to get the house below 72 degrees, even with all the windows thrown wide open to the night air. I slept badly. I stubbed my toe as I was getting up this morning. I’ve got a stiff neck, and my coffee tastes like dirt. lol Wow. I could zoom in on what a “shitty morning” this “is”, too… only… It isn’t. It’s just a morning. A blank slate on a new day. A new beginning. There’s more to this new day than a small handful of sour moments, wrong notes, and grumpiness. So many good things are happening this week!

A good thing? A bad thing? Sometimes things are just things; we add the judgement.

I sip my fairly terrible dirt-tasting coffee with more contentment than I can describe with words. I’m okay with today, so far. The gray sky is not bringing me down. The reluctantly partially cooled house isn’t not a deterrent on my good mood. My stiff neck will likely ease as the morning wears on. It’s a work day, and my Traveling Partner is here to take care of meeting with contractors and delivery people; I’m free to focus on work. My desk is very tidy and ready for the day, the result of the work I did in the studio, yesterday; it was the last room to get completely unpacked.

I was overly-sensitive yesterday, prone to taking things personally, and mired in emotional moments – but I still got things done, and I didn’t seek to punish myself for my humanity. I let the tears fall. I got over them. I’m fortunate to have a nurturing, care-giving, partnership of equals built on love – but I also recognize how hard my bullshit is on my partner. I sip my coffee wondering if he is also glad yesterday is behind us? He still sleeps – will he wake eager for the new day? I hope he does.

I hear a car alarm somewhere in the distance, quickly silenced. The sky is lighter now, as day approaches. I make room in my morning for gratitude, for new beginnings, and for contentment and sufficiency. I remind myself of things I want to get done, calls I want to make, and plans for the day. I finish this coffee. It’s already time to begin again. 🙂

Tags be here now, be the change, begin again, breathe, choose wisely, emotional self sufficiency, good self-care, hot summer no A/C, I am my own cartographer, life in the time of pandemic, listening deeply, love and lovers, MBSR, mindfulness matters, moving in and moving on, my results vary, p.s. I love you, perspective, practicing the practices, ptsd, relationships, some boxes contain baggage, sufficiency, summer days, taking care of me, The Art of Being, The Big 5, there are verbs involved, unpacking boxes, walking my own path, we become what we practice, what matters most?

Categories Allegories, Brain Injury, Despair, forgiveness, Free Will, Frustration, gratitude, Mindfulness, Moments, Perspective, Post Traumatic Stress, Practices, Relationships, Summer, The Art of Being, The Big 5

Strange Times

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An Entirely Different Point of View

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What’s So Special About It?

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Another Day, Another Beginning

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Practical Details

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