Archives for posts with tag: dance away the backache

I definitely “feel 53” this morning. I’m okay with that; I am 53. 🙂 The show last night was amazing. It was not really “a concert” or.. well… it was a fantastical stage production centering around music, themed on Alice in Wonderland, attended by beings willing to suspend expectations of the ordinary for a night and just… go with it. A needed, and worthy, break from the routine. There were dancers, jugglers, performance artists of several sorts, and painters practicing their craft live, to massive fabulous bass-y beats. It was quite wonderful. I got home very late, and I had planned and prepared for this to be the case… but, there were verbs involved, choices made, and of course today I begin again.

Down the Rabbit Hole 2017 at the Crystal Ballroom

My ears are ringing like crazy. I took ear plugs with me, and when I wasn’t on the dance floor, had a comfortable vantage point from the balcony of the historic theater venue – my ears are still ringing. Experience suggests my tinnitus will be a mild impairment for at least today, then fading into the background to exist as a mild persistent distraction once again. I’m tired. I can look at the number of hours that I slept and figure I’ve “gotten enough sleep”, but I feel groggy, and inclined to return to bed – but I won’t sleep now that I’m awake and consciousness is filled with morning sunshine. I hurt all over. As I think about that, my pain worsens. That’s a practical detail worthy of consideration; if I make my pain my focus, it becomes the most important thing in my awareness, and thereby becomes more prominent. I take a deep breath and let it go; it doesn’t stop me hurting altogether, but seems to reduce the magnitude somewhat.

Why all the bitching? I smile and sip my coffee, because I know something about me and this peculiar singular journey that is my experience; when I know where I am, I am more easily able to move on from that place. The challenge is to make the observation without making the observed detail a theme, or the focus of my experience, when it is something painful, uncomfortable, or perceivably “negative”. It’s worth remembering, too, that this also opens the door to more willfully lingering over, and savoring, the nurturing, delightful, pleasant, and uplifting experiences – deliberating shifting gears to make those a focus of my experience, or a theme, results in useful changes in implicit biases. The bitching, in this case, is structured and part of a process with a clear point. (Thanks cognitive science!)

A welcome seat with a decent view; the lamp included in the shot because it’s pretty cool, also. lol

I think over the high points of the evening… dancing with my Traveling Partner (we attended with another friend)… the music… the wow factor of the varied costumes of both the performers and the attendees… soaking in the lights, the scene, the wonder… finding a good seat with an unobstructed view that remained mine more or less all evening (even though I left it and returned several times)… losing track of my partner and his friend in the crowd and dancing dancing dancing through and among and around thinking I would eventually find them, and losing myself in the music instead (I found them when I returned to my seat! lol).

Sold out show.

My tinnitus fades into the background as I linger over the recollections of the evening. My back aches less. I forget that I’m rather amusingly sitting here with noise cancelling headphones on… but not playing any sounds. Going back to bed still sounds pretty nice… My eye wanders to the list of household chores I had planned to do today, from the vantage point of yesterday morning… I chuckle rather merrily and give silent side eye to the woman who wrote that list yesterday; I’m seriously doubting I will do even one thing on that list today. I’m okay with that. Today, rest and take care of me. Tomorrow, I’ll begin again. 🙂

This morning my pain woke me. Twice. Once around 2:00 am, and again at 5:30 am.

The first time was a classic moment; I got up sleepily, went to the kitchen and got a drink of water. It was in many respects identical to all such ‘drink of water’ moments in the wee hours. Squinting through the harshness of artificial lighting, going through the physical motions of getting a glass, filling it, drinking, and finally setting the glass on the counter rather randomly and returning to bed; it’s the same process however young or old I have been since I’ve been old enough to do it without help, and so habitual after all this time that there are likely uncountable such moments that leave no recollection at all.

The second time, I got up feeling a bit relieved that it was finally an hour at which I could take my Rx pain relief, my morning medication, but not late enough to be off on my timing. I tried to return to sleep, but this morning my pain got the better of any such desired outcome. I got up, and began the day in a distracted and disorderly fashion; I wasn’t really quite awake at all, but in too much pain to take things slowly first thing. When I realized my pain was driving haste, I stopped, sat down, and meditated for a few unmeasured minutes and started over.

I remind myself that these are all self-care practices, because they do require practice (otherwise they’d be ‘self-care thoughts’).

It’s quite a lovely morning. The fact that I hurt doesn’t really detract from that, it just made starting the day a tad challenging. Enjoying the morning solo, there was no one potentially between my pain and my coffee, or my not-quite-awake volatility and meditation. As early in the morning as it was, I put on favorite dance tracks (think The Crystal Method, Nicki Minaj, and Jesse J) and took advantage of the solo morning to dance; it sometimes really helps with my arthritis pain (which is in my spine) to move. That is certainly the case this morning, and I’m grateful to have a solo morning on a morning when I need that so much. (Not everyone wants to start their morning with Lil’ Jon at 6:00 am!)

Later today, the house will fill with family once again, gentler music of shared tastes. It’s been an excellent solo weekend; I am far more ready for a homecoming than I am for the weekend to end. I’m grateful things will happen in that order. 🙂

"Each time for the first time, each moment the only moment." Jon Kabat-Zinn

“Each time for the first time, each moment the only moment.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

Today is a good day for music, dance, and joy, to embrace simple delights, and take things slow.