It didn’t take long for my good mood to slip a few places.  Hormones? Brain injury? PTSD? Lack of sleep?

I am irritable, feeling ‘dismissed’, unimportant, misunderstood, and struggling to focus on tasks at hand… I’m tired, too, that can’t be helping.  My priorities are not shared by some of the people who matter to me, and some of my core needs are unmet, and have been for some time.  I struggle to even find sympathy; resolution is not on the map right now, as far as I can see.  Most attempts to discuss it result new opportunities to explore feeling unimportant.  It’s funny… in spite of lack of sleep, I was in a pretty awesome mood – and it lasted exactly as long as I felt substantially supported, heard, understood, relevant, and valued.  When I lost that feeling, I started feeling irritable, dismissed, invisible, and discontent. There’s something important to understand there – I hope I remember to take time to meditate on that when I’m not so tired.

What’s the solution? Do I learn to tell everyone else to ‘fuck off’ and figure out how to meet my own needs 100%? Is that possible? It seems mean…  Is it necessary to adhere to a strict Ringer-style quid pro quo ‘value for value’ level of reciprocity in relationships that currently feel lacking in balance?  If that’s the case, how do I address a clear lack of reciprocity on a given subject/need? When does it become a deal-breaker when needs are not met? How do I know whether I am ‘just’ tired and needy, or facing something more substantial?  And why doesn’t the internet answer the really important questions?

Maybe “this too shall pass“, given time… and perspective.