Great beginnings don’t always lead to great journeys. Today is hard. I’m struggling with my own bullshit, and juggling work and caring for my partner with that. It’s a mess. I’m in pain. I’m cross. I’m feeling “crowded” and vexed and inconvenienced by having to be a fucking adult at all – and I don’t feel like I’m very good at it in the first place.

…Breathe…

I know not to take this shit personally; it’s just “emotional weather”. For most values of “okay”, I’m okay – and for all the most important ones this is true. I’ve got a good job. A roof over my head. A nice little home that feels safe and secure. Potable drinking water. Electricity. Internet connectivity. A well-stocked pantry. A partner who loves me (even when he’s out of sorts, in pain, and struggling, himself). It’s still a beautiful Spring day. The only thing in the way of me enjoying this moment as any other lovely moment? Me. My lack of resilience. My pain. My “issues”.

…I can choose differently…

I made a nice cup of tea. Made sure the bills were paid. I’ve got a manageable list of a couple things to get done this weekend. Really all that I need to do with greater skill is to take more shit less personally, care for myself and my Traveling Partner… and begin again. Again.

…My confidence and sense of self reliably take a hit when I’m having a rough moment, and this is certainly that. A well-practiced practice doesn’t reliably result in needing less practice – or shit getting any easier. Sometimes it’s just fucking hard dealing with everything. For now? One moment, one step, one task, one meeting, at a time… eventually the clock runs out on the day (and maybe also on this shitty mood I find myself in, feeling wholly misunderstood, and fairly “invisible”… which sucks).

…Breathe. Exhale. Relax. Begin again. And again. And again…

…Nice cup of tea. It’s at least a place to start….