Archives for posts with tag: embracing uncertainty

I get back to the warmth of the car after my walk, still thinking about how strange everything looked under the harsh glare of the recently “upgraded” lights along the section of the trail adjacent to the parking, here. Harsh contrast. Strange shadows. The unnatural brightness somehow managing not to reveal anything that looks “true” or “real”. It’s mostly a spooky and irritating effect. Unnatural, and as if anything seen is likely irrelevant.

Not a picture worth taking.

Distant shapes are hidden from view in the glare that forces what is closest to be overexposed. I walked, observing with a certain irritated wonder, and reflecting on the metaphor contained in the moment. Thinking about the way aggressive media attention, for example, forces trivial matters to be blown out of proportion, misdirecting our awareness and focus from what may matter most.

…I almost missed seeing the small herd of deer walking along almost beside me, in the meadow next to the trail…

What are you giving your attention to? What time have you left yourself to do anything about it?

I sit quietly with my thoughts for a few minutes, considering whether to wait and watch the sun rise before I begin the work day. Nice morning for it. Chilly, but otherwise quite pleasant. The sky is just beginning to lighten on the horizon. I decide to sit awhile longer with my thoughts. Soon enough it will be time to begin again.

I’m sipping my coffee, thinking about people and our propensity for insisting on certainty and “knowing”. For every knowledgeable studious article written by a subject matter expert, there’s a comment section full of random voices that strike a strident and insistent tone while insisting they know more/better, objecting to some researched detail or conclusion. It’s super annoying. I raise my coffee in a vague gesture of respect towards the rising sun, thankful that Dunning and Krueger gave the phenomenon a name. Too bad about all those bullshit thinking errors, Humanity. Do better. Try… listening. Try learning. Try demonstrating some understanding that your individual perspective is quite limited and you don’t know everything.

… We’re each having our own experience…

It’s rarely possible to truly understand what someone else is going through. Even when we share information with each other, there’s a likelihood that something may be lost in the process. We don’t truly share our understanding of the meanings of words. Hell, maybe even the way we see the world around us varies with our individual perspective and vision? Certainly we make a ton of shit up as we go along, eh?

It’s a pretty morning. I slept well and deeply. My Traveling Partner restored my sunrise alarm (a silent alarm that simply brings up the lights gradually to wake me).  It was nice to fall asleep knowing I would wake up gently. No noise. I slipped out without waking the household and headed to the trailhead. I’m sitting at my halfway point thinking about life, love, perspective, knowledge, and… people. We’re strange fucking creatures, emotional, petty, and often fairly fucking stupid… but not without our charms, I suppose.

… I think about my Traveling Partner, and the enduring love we share…

I decided to go into the office today. No particular reason, I guess, I just don’t feel like dealing with chaos and with my Traveling Partner and the Anxious Adventurer both home today, I anticipated projects getting done and a high potential for frequent interruptions. Decided not to fight it, just be elsewhere so I can focus and work quietly.

My health and fitness journey continues to progress. Being “on the shot” has allowed me to drop several other medications as my health improves, which is excellent. Today I restart physical therapy. Strength training is an important next step for rebuilding muscle mass and improving strength and tone, but I need a bit of help where I am, presently. Seems sensible to take advantage of the availability of a good PT provider to get started down this path. I’ve dropped a bit more than 20lbs so far, but I don’t want to end up “skinny fat” in a sagging shapeless meat suit. 😂 Time to get to work seriously.

I see my therapist tomorrow. Needful, with the stress of my Traveling Partner’s imminent surgery just ahead and the chaos of the Anxious Adventurer moving in. I’m taking my self-care quite seriously, even putting time on my calendar to make my intentions explicit. Reminders are helpful.

… Another day, another opportunity to begin again…

… I wonder where this path leads?