Archives for posts with tag: getting some downtime

My Traveling Partner is quite human, but he’s also right about a great many things. 🙂 I definitely needed this break! He was right about that. My boss must have agreed, because he encouraged me to head out even a bit earlier than I’d planned to do, on Friday. It was a lovely extra, too; I spent the morning with my Traveling Partner, instead of working, before I headed for the coast for the weekend. We enjoyed our morning coffee together. Talked about garden plans, home improvement plans, and how much we would miss each other. 🙂

…I have greatly enjoyed missing my partner for a couple days. I do miss him, though, with my whole heart – he’s rarely more than a heartbeat from my thoughts – and I am ready to return home, to his welcoming embrace… to my own bed… my own shower… our pleasantly comfortable little home… the merry wave of a neighbor… and, omg, the mild lovely Spring weather. LOL (It’s been rather uniformly gray at the beach, this weekend, amusingly enough.)

The Alchymist finally in the ground (it’s been almost 10 years in a container).

…I wonder if The Alchymist finished opening up the blooms on the long graceful bud covered cane I’ve been watching with such delight? I wonder how my tomatoes (planted just last week) are doing? I sip my coffee and think about love… and lunch. For all the ordinary things I miss, right now, there’s also this awareness that I was missing out on a lot of the joy in them, because my brain was just so fucking fatigued, and my “buffers” so overloaded I could not process new information easily, or even just “find my joy” in simple pleasures. Too tired. It wasn’t a physical thing at all. My partner’s well-wishes as I prepared for the weekend away had included something very telling – he said “have fun being bored!” He gets it; I just needed to put shit on pause. Like, for real, just “stop everything” and chill. Walk. Nap. Write – maybe. Paint? Maybe. I came prepared with watercolor gear and sketchbooks… I never touched any of it, nor opened my Kindle to read. LOL

…As it turned out, I mostly just walked, and napped. LOL I meditated, sitting on the shore, listening to the waves approach and recede. Listening to the wind in my ears. I sat on the balcony of my hotel room, watching the ocean be an ocean, and listening to the passing seagulls ask about my day. I gazed into the milky gray cloudy sky for hours. Now and then I ventured out to walk along the beach again. Mostly, I spent time with my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own experience, without judgement or attachment or assumptions or expectations or inflicting any sort of demands upon myself. It was time I needed.

Chilly, windy, and gray

You know what I didn’t do? I didn’t write. I didn’t read. I didn’t paint. I didn’t sketch. I didn’t go out for fancy meals or explorations of the retail scene. I didn’t interact with many people. I didn’t have much cause to use words aloud or hear the sound of my own voice, aside from a couple welcome phone calls with my partner. I simply did the thing I needed most; I embraced the solitude and quiet, and let myself “catch up” mentally, and get some cognitive rest. Funny thing, although I was initially a bit disappointed about the gray coastal weather, I realize looking at it now that it was quite perfect for the need; almost featureless unexciting skies, and the ceaseless somewhat uniform sound of wind and waves didn’t add any “excitement” or eye-catching wonder to the vista beyond the balcony. 🙂 It was as a neutral canvas, blank, and ready to be painted upon with my choices.

…I say that, though, about the skies and the weather, as if it is “true”, solidly real, and “final”. It isn’t a complete picture at all; it’s subjective, and quite selective, as far as recollections go. It’s equally true that yesterday the afternoon was quite sunny (although the massive cloud bank that had wrapped the shoreline Friday – and again this morning – appeared only to “pull back a bit”, and never wholly dissipated). 🙂 Funny how that works. I am reminded how much of my individual experience is created within my own head – and how real that still feels. It’s worth being aware of that; it gives me so much power to change my experience of my life. That’s a lot of power.

What is also true.

I’ve finished my coffee. It’s still quite early. There is ample time for another walk along the beach before I return home. Time, even for another coffee. 🙂 There is, too, time to begin again. 🙂 I feel much more ready for that than I have in awhile. 🙂

An important work project completed, and as is so likely for me, the intensity of the past several weeks finally truly catches up with me (as I slow down and let it). I crash hard, shifting from “forgot to write” due to cognitive overload to “didn’t write because I was unexpectedly sleeping”. Most of yesterday is… gone. Relegated to memories of dreams, and an amused chuckle is all that is left behind. I woke this morning laughing out loud in the stillness and quiet of this pre-dawn moment. Between 1 pm yesterday and when I woke this morning, shortly before 6 am, I slept. I napped. I rested. I dozed. I slumbered. I woke to pee, to drink water, to wander aimlessly and groggily through the house without a purpose, thinking I was perhaps “awake” (I was not) before returning to bed. I took time at some points to exchange words with my Traveling Partner… had he said he was thinking about coming up to hang out? Well, damn. I’m glad we both recognized that I’d be… sleeping. LOL

I woke this morning feeling basically rested, and I’m already thinking about going back for more. I expect the weekend to be blown, spent on sleep and rest (that I do genuinely need; I have pushed myself far too hard for far too long, lately). Yield to the impulse, I wake rested Monday morning ready for more. Fight it, and I will struggle with Monday. It is what it is. Caring for this fragile vessel, and learning to do it skillfully, seems to be rather a large portion of what there is to do in life, generally. lol

…We’re really not very good at self-care, as a species, or as a society. We could do better. I know I certainly have to practice with great commitment and awareness, and I’m regularly failing myself, nonetheless. lol It’s a good thing I have learned to begin again.

Are you taking the very best care of yourself with the resources you have? Are you putting the need to care for yourself high on your list of priorities? Maybe it’s worth trying? Maybe it’s worth practicing?

It’s definitely worth beginning again. 😉