I woke up this morning feeling pretty light-of-heart, with no particular amount of detectable stress (“normal” or otherwise), in a pleasant (even merry) mood, with a sunny outlook on life, love, and the world, generally. It’s a nice place to be. I take a sip of my (2nd) coffee and smile, pondering all of my favorite iterations of the “what do you want to be when you grow up?” question and feeling hopeful and contented. Started the day with a lovely walk. Got the grocery shopping out of the way early. Returned home to enjoy a coffee with my partner. Took all my meds on time. 😀
…I got laid off from my job this week…
Change is a thing. We can chase it because we seek it, or we can attempt to avoid it while it chases us, but for sure change is a thing. There is no real chance to live a life without change (and who would really want that?). I’m feeling pretty good. I suspect because although the job was a good one, on a team with some good talent, at a good company with a useful product and a lofty vision, headed by inventive engaging – and inspiring – founders… there was a bit of “sand in my oyster” nonetheless.
Managers come in a lot of shapes, sizes, and management styles, and some of them are good at that work, others less so, but in all cases that employee<>manager dynamic? Yeah… that’s a relationship. Some relationships are super crappy and don’t ultimately work out, and this is true even of some relationships where the human beings involved are otherwise decent humans. Some relationships never really have a chance, hampered by deceits, foolishness, or baggage. Being able to walk away from toxic management is a useful skill. In this case, the departure was “forced on me” (timing-wise), but I was already looking, and already deeply aware that I could not thrive working with that manager. My Traveling Partner and I had already discussed my work-stress, and the need to do something different with my time. I’ve only got so much of that – why would I spend it 1. where I’m not valued or 2. being miserable? (And who the hell wants to waste even one moment of their time on bullshit game-playing or toxic relationships or people?)
Think about where you are. Are you where you want to be? What can you do to change that experience? What will you do? Are you making choices for change, or waiting for change to chase you down? I sip my coffee and think about that. I don’t find myself mired in sorrow or regret, just a bit curious why I didn’t pay attention more closely to the very first red-flags, and make changes swiftly.
I think about what’s next. I think about what I’m good at, and what my experience in work and life has taught me, that I can use – demonstrated real-world value – wherever I land next. It’s time, again, to seek change, and to embrace it.
…It’s also time to bake, to cook, to garden to relax, to love, to spend my time my way on the things I enjoy most. It’s time to build intimacy with my partner, and to invest time in friendships with folks it has been tough to make time for over the past year. It’s time to invest my time in my personal and professional growth – and I’ve got the time to give it. No regrets. This was another “good fold” (to use the language of poker for just a moment), and there’s very little stress involved at all. Indeed, quite the contrary – I feel excited to embark on a new chapter, and to see what else is out there in the world, from the perspective of recent skills and experience gained. I even feel prepared (to be fair, my Traveling Partner saw it coming, and had encouraged me to start looking quite some time ago). Resilience and emotional intelligence for the win; therapy finally paying off. 😀
Mmmmm… my time is my own. It’s time to begin again. 😀
Evening Light 