Archives for posts with tag: love and marriage

I’m tired tonight. Brain-tired. I put a lot into the work day, today, and although the day ended with a considerable sense of achievement and positive perspective, getting there wasn’t a given, and there were definitely verbs involved…and something else.

Today I really put some will and effort into approaching stressful circumstances without expectations of the outcome. I allowed myself to be open to making different choices – in language, in approach, in point of view, in goal-setting, even time management. I made a point of giving myself a break when new things weren’t an immediate success; skill-building is incremental change over time, and requires actual time, and of course…practice. I recognized how allowing change is just about as important to changing, and to growth, as wanting change. I’d prefer to have a hand in my own transformation, rather than allowing events to mold me; becoming aware of the important of allowing change – whether my own, or someone else’s – is useful.

Small details, and incremental change over time.

Small details, and incremental change over time.

I’m tired tonight. It’s a lovely evening, though. I almost didn’t write at all, but realized that I am teetering on the edge of a bad bit (a few days have gone by), and I can sense the creeping disorder at the edges leftover from having the windows replaced. Why do these small disruptions screw with my head so much? I smile; why doesn’t matter. I know to take care of me. Tonight that means sticking with good self-care practices, getting the rest I need, and beginning again tomorrow.

I end the evening thinking of my traveling partner; he’s ‘there for me’ unexpectedly in the most reliable way. It’s a quality he has. I pause, thinking about all the ways he shows his love, and reflecting on how best to ‘return the favor’; I value reciprocity in my relationships, I value his partnership and his affection, and well…seriously? Loving is as wonderful as being loved.

 

I woke this morning after a night short on hours, long on dreams, and restless, very restless.  I woke a number of times during the night, returning to sleep with little effort.  My dreamscape was lively, surreal, and oddly persuasive on a number of random details that now seem to rate further thought by daylight.  I woke very groggy, to the strident beeping of my infernal alarm clock – it is rare to be asleep when it goes off, and it isn’t my preferred way to wake up.   I dragged my sluggish body down the hall and dumped myself in a cooler than usual shower hoping to find a legitimate state of waking consciousness I could count on for the start of the work week, and afterward made what can only be called the worst mocha ever made, which I steadfastly consumed without (until now) complaint.

I settled down to meditate, and didn’t get far with that; one of my loves joined me for morning coffee and conversation. We don’t overlap much with our schedules, he and I, and any time we have together is precious.  Email can wait, chores can wait, writing can wait; I cherish those brief quiet times together, so this morning even meditation took a back seat to love.  I’m okay with that. The time we had to share was so very brief.  Again and again my thoughts return to the morning, and a feeling of mild regret that I wasn’t more awake.  My thoughts ricochet around in my broken brain and I think of “Time Enough for Love” by Robert A. Heinlein. No reason beyond the title, I suspect, but it is an amazing tale of adventure, of love, of living a life wide open to endless possibilities, and above all – of being human.  If Heinlein hadn’t written anything more than the title, he’d have said enough.  I wish I’d known the value of love much sooner in my life.

Foggy morning

Foggy morning

The work day got under way in a most ordinary fashion.  Eventually it will end and I will head home.  If the weather is pleasant, I may repeat my 5k walk of last Sunday, to experience it in nice weather on dry pavement, and to confirm my suspicion that I’m actually sufficiently fit at this point that I could do it easily every week and gain a little more ground toward my fitness goals.  I’m so tired, though… will taking care of me mean getting to bed earlier, tonight, or will I choose, again, in favor of time with my dear ones? (One short night isn’t a big deal.  If I make a habit of it, the cognitive and emotional consequences become obvious pretty quickly!)

I’m still feeling a bit foggy.  Sleep would be good… but it is hours away,  In the meantime, work, and later chores, and assorted tasks on a lengthy ‘to do’ list, compete with any hope of an early bed time. lol. Welcome to adulthood.

It is a lovely sunny day, now.  I’m still thinking about sleep, and love, and romance, and how to bring new tools and skills forward into my every day experience.

…Oops…I’ve run out of words. lol. I’ll be back with more soon… In the meantime, I plan to go forth and live well and with compassion.  How about you?

What defines something as ‘right’? What makes something ‘enough’? Before we go too far down a philosopher’s rabbit hole, let me clarify – my questions are less about the semantics or meanings of those words relative to other words or ideas, and more about how does an individual determine that some one event, action, outcome, or experience fits the description? I keep bumping my nose on what seems to be an answer – and I admit that I’m not much of a fan of ‘answers’ lately; the questions convey more, for me, most of the time. Still, an answer to one question sometimes forms the basis of other questions just as worthy of consideration… and in this case, the ‘answer’ is kind of a big deal. Perspective. Yep, I am still meditating on perspective. The painting is unfinished, and the contemplation of the work as metaphor, as studious reflection and examination of experience, and as its own creative experience, keep me coming back again and again to life lessons about perspective.  There are those that required perspective to complete, and those that resulted in greater perspective once completed – and depending on my perspective in contemplation, a whole lot of life experiences open themselves up to being viewed as instructive on perspective.  Perspective is a big deal.  It is becoming an iceberg in my studies; so many things turn out to be relevant to matters of perspective.

I started the weekend focused on some pretty specific needs and desires.  I went into it with limited known resources, and an understanding that circumstances and the free will of others would predictably bring a few unknowns to confound any planning.  I try not to notice how little of the weekend remains… It’s been a lovely one.  Perspective has been a big deal for enjoying it.  If I had remained fixed on expectations, or investing heavily in my needs at the expense of a more connected experience, I could have been sitting here unhappily wallowing in discontent. I know, because I’ve done it in the past.

I’ve allowed myself a different experience today by identifying the successes as they happen, and appreciating those, and enjoying them, instead of zeroing in on some specific one thing or experience that I wanted and didn’t get.  I’m still learning a lot about relationships and happiness and intimacy and sharing life and love.  Learning to ‘take care of me’ sometimes feels like a mandate to make demands or insist that my needs must be met.  My own experience with meeting the needs of my loved ones is that I’m not always up to it, or able to with available resources, or may be unwilling to for some reason that seems appropriate or necessary to me in-the-moment; I can safely infer that is also their experience with meeting my needs. lol.  Knowing we are each having our own experience, and each have our own needs to be met, it actually seems pretty inevitable that sometimes some needs are unmet.  That’s how it was this weekend – some needs were met, others were not. Funny thing, it really seems now that the needs that got met were more urgent or more important… or more… worthy… than what I thought I needed to start with. lol.  A lesson in perspective, and also a lesson in ‘going with it’ instead of fussing and trying to force the flow of events.

It’s been a lovely weekend, and incredibly intimate. It wasn’t the intimacy I expected. It was, however, very much the intimacy I needed. 😀