I’m building a regular practice these days whereby the last thing I do each night is meditate. Initially, I contemplate my day compassionately, observing it without analyzing it. I note if/whether there is some event, outcome, or theme that seemed most challenging, or most relevant to my current needs and commit to focusing on a single practice, behavior, or cognitive function the next day, that may be an improvement on what I am doing now. Then I let all that go – and just focus on my breathing. I’ve been sleeping more deeply and restfully since I started doing that… I don’t know that those experiences are correlated.
Today I am focusing on letting small things go. The most challenging moment I had yesterday was when an associate [who matters to me] interrupted me to say something to me in an incredibly insulting and dismissive tone, rich with condescension and derision, and full of assumptions about my level of knowledge. I was… insulted, hurt, briefly even angry. I struggled with it for a few moments at the time, but the social environment didn’t really permit actually addressing it with my associate directly in a comfortable way [that I know yet]. It still lingered in my memory pretty vividly that evening when I finished my day, so – focusing on letting small things go, today. 🙂 Maybe you don’t agree that being insulted that way is a ‘small thing’? Was I, though? My associate’s assumptions about me, and their own world view, was the foundation of their reaction – does that really have anything to do with me, other than alerting me that they don’t know me as well as I thought they did – or as well, perhaps, as they think they do? That seems a very different thing than ‘being insulted’ – and I’d deal with it differently. In the moment, my understanding of events was the result of my emotional reaction to words that were the result of a potentially significant misunderstanding. I’m glad circumstances gave me time to think it over.
I spent the walk to work happily thinking art thoughts. I contemplated my journey as an artist so far, and considered what I would like to accomplish artistically this year. I observed the bare branches of deciduous trees along the walk, and their contrast against the rainy gray sky. I took note of russet leaves that litter the sidewalk on the way, their many shapes, and shades. I smiled at the lichens on the tree branches, and the moss in the cracks of the sidewalk. Many of the trees are just beginning to bud, or unfurl delicate new leaves. Spring is coming. I enjoyed a feeling of just being, as I walked, and becoming – with the spring – as each day unfolds. I’m eager to get to work in watercolor, again. It’s been a very long time.
