This morning I woke feeling cross. I also woke with a nasty headache, and serious pain with my arthritis, too. I feel stiff. Hell, I’ll say it – I feel ‘old’. lol.  I’m not tired.  My morning coffee is just right. There is no element of the morning thus far that lacks harmony or a relaxed satisfying comfort.  I just hurt, and I’m cross.  Pain is enough to result in a less than pleasant mood, of course – so why does my brain go looking for more? lol  Yep. This morning’s feature attraction – The Brain Attack.

Once upon a time, and up to very recently, a morning like this one would have set me off on a path of frequent angry rants, tantrums about inconsequential or unimportant bits of circumstance, and on a hunt for insidious (and illusory) patterns of misconduct in other people’s everyday utterly innocent behavior.  It isn’t fun to participate in that sort of thing, and even when I suspected my Brain was misleading me, I struggled to put it to rest or ‘find my way out’.  Something has changed… or at least, something has potentially changed, somewhat.  This morning is different.

This morning, feeling how I felt, and being so cross, I made a point of focusing on me while I showered and dressed. Instead of just going through the motions and filing it away under ‘morning task completion’ and moving on, I slowed down and took my time with myself.  I practiced ‘staying engaged and connected’ with myself.  I hadn’t noticed before that I sometimes wander off in  my thinking to places unknown, leaving my emotions unattended.  (I’m sorry if that seems… hard to follow, or lacking clarity. I don’t understand what I did differently today fully, myself, and I’m trying to share before I have an understanding. lol)  Giving myself the respect of staying ‘in the moment’ with myself first thing actually felt really good.

Meditation, a delicious latte, and some time playing SuperBetter and I find myself in a very different place.  It seems too simple – is this all it takes? I’m not bitching.  Oh, I still hurt, but I’m not making myself miserable with self-deception in the form of brain attacks on my emotional balance, along with physical discomfort.  it’s nice.

This morning, I did things differently, and got a different outcome.

A lovely flower to start the morning. Clematis on a rainy day.

A lovely flower to start the morning. Clematis on a rainy day.