Archives for posts with tag: the right tool for the job

I woke this morning with a headache, aching knees, aching ankles, aching back… funny, the thing that is on my mind is not the everyday pain of aging, or paying for youthful mistakes. I am thinking about love. Love is precious and peculiar, and for all the years I daydreamed about love, while dismissing it as fanciful bullshit for children, I had no understanding of what it might actually be, if I had it, practiced it, or experienced it. Love is a verb and a noun. Love demands much of us as beings, and the penalties for poor decision-making are very high. Totally  worth it, though, totally worth it.

Love is not what we think it is; love is what it is.

Love is not what we think it is; love is what it is.

So sure, I woke in a lot of pain this morning. That seems irrelevant every time I glance down at the orange knotted-cord bracelet one of my loves fashioned for me as we sat talking, while he packed his hiking kit.  Love isn’t a diamond tennis bracelet. Hell, love isn’t even this bright bracelet of sturdy nylon cord. Isn’t love the movement toward giving, the inspiration, the desire to take someone’s needs, interest, fancy, and delight and make them important to one’s own experience, and then taking action?

How is this orange knotted cord bracelet not the most precious of ornaments, simply because it is love?

This token of love doesn’t go with anything I wear regularly. It stands out boldly from my flesh. I don’t generally wear bracelets at all; I feel it as I move through my morning.  I am moved by, and aware of love with every small motion that brings the orange back into my view, or shifts the cord against my skin.  I feel a little silly, a little giddy, no different from feelings I might have were I 16… love excites me.

This morning, the pain vanishes from my awareness most of the time; because I am reminded so simply, so frequently, of how much I am loved. Love, and loving, are a pretty nice distraction to deal with on a Wednesday morning. I’m sure not complaining about it.

How often do we mess with the goodness in our experience at one moment or another because it isn’t what we expect, or what we dream of? How many tender joys are lost because they were one thing, and not another? Would you turn down orange knotted cord because it isn’t something fancier that you dreamt of longer? Are you truly open to love? To being loved?  I have to admit, to be fair to love itself, all those bitter years of certainty that love was a lie, a pretty illusion, a pointless treasure hunt – I wasn’t open to love, or being loved.  I had defined ‘what love is’ and because it wasn’t presenting itself to me in the form I demanded, I couldn’t see it when it did turn up. That is one of the saddest things about being lonely; it’s often a choice.

So, this morning I am aware of my pain, and in spite of that, I’m choosing love.  Taking a moment to feel the connection to a love nurtured, shared, grown over time; connected by a simple orange knotted cord, on a very early Wednesday morning.

Today is a good day to love.

Today got off to a difficult start, although it is limited to my own experience, very internal, entirely subjective.  I’m even ‘over it’, already. That’s something quite new. Like discovering anything new, the experience is edged with curiosity and uncertainty. New tools, new skills – a new experience.

How approachable I felt this morning. :-)

How approachable I felt this morning. 🙂

It’s nice to have choices. It’s wonderful to be able to use new tools, to really experience growth and the promise and potential in change. There’s not really a lot more to say about all that, just now. I’m relaxed and smiling, and readying myself for a day of work that has challenges of its own to share, lessons to offer, opportunities for further growth. There are only 7 working days left with this employer, counting today. A relaxed holiday ahead of me on the calendar after that, which still seems incredibly luxurious.

The communication piece is a big deal. I’m still learning to communicate in-the-moment in a simpler way.  I learned to use language and vocabulary, over time, to cope with the frustrations and everyday challenges of being misunderstood or just not heard (“If I just choose the right words…”).   It doesn’t actually help, and rather often complicates the matter needlessly.

So, onward to the new day! Today I am compassionate, and patient with myself and others. Today I am content to appreciate my experience and the lessons it teaches me about treating myself – and others – really well.  Today I will change the world.

 

This morning I woke feeling cross. I also woke with a nasty headache, and serious pain with my arthritis, too. I feel stiff. Hell, I’ll say it – I feel ‘old’. lol.  I’m not tired.  My morning coffee is just right. There is no element of the morning thus far that lacks harmony or a relaxed satisfying comfort.  I just hurt, and I’m cross.  Pain is enough to result in a less than pleasant mood, of course – so why does my brain go looking for more? lol  Yep. This morning’s feature attraction – The Brain Attack.

Once upon a time, and up to very recently, a morning like this one would have set me off on a path of frequent angry rants, tantrums about inconsequential or unimportant bits of circumstance, and on a hunt for insidious (and illusory) patterns of misconduct in other people’s everyday utterly innocent behavior.  It isn’t fun to participate in that sort of thing, and even when I suspected my Brain was misleading me, I struggled to put it to rest or ‘find my way out’.  Something has changed… or at least, something has potentially changed, somewhat.  This morning is different.

This morning, feeling how I felt, and being so cross, I made a point of focusing on me while I showered and dressed. Instead of just going through the motions and filing it away under ‘morning task completion’ and moving on, I slowed down and took my time with myself.  I practiced ‘staying engaged and connected’ with myself.  I hadn’t noticed before that I sometimes wander off in  my thinking to places unknown, leaving my emotions unattended.  (I’m sorry if that seems… hard to follow, or lacking clarity. I don’t understand what I did differently today fully, myself, and I’m trying to share before I have an understanding. lol)  Giving myself the respect of staying ‘in the moment’ with myself first thing actually felt really good.

Meditation, a delicious latte, and some time playing SuperBetter and I find myself in a very different place.  It seems too simple – is this all it takes? I’m not bitching.  Oh, I still hurt, but I’m not making myself miserable with self-deception in the form of brain attacks on my emotional balance, along with physical discomfort.  it’s nice.

This morning, I did things differently, and got a different outcome.

A lovely flower to start the morning. Clematis on a rainy day.

A lovely flower to start the morning. Clematis on a rainy day.